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back to article No Apple fanbois here: Man United BANS iPads from Old Trafford

Manchester United is banning tablets from Old Trafford on match days as part of a tightening-up of security procedures to reflect heightened terrorist concerns.‬ Large electronic devices including laptops and tablets will be added to the list of prohibited items as a result of security concerns, the Premier League side said in a …

Anonymous Coward

Ban Tablets but

Still let the suicide bomber with a bomb wrapped around their body will still be allowed.

What next?

Not allowed in wearing shoes becaise someone once tried to blow up an airliner with a bomb in their footwear?

Will this also apply to the rich who frequent the Corporate hospitality boxes?

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Anonymous Coward

There are idiots and there are idiots.

Still don't give a toss, they still won't make the top 4 this year!

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Re: Ban Tablets but

"Will this also apply to the rich who frequent the Corporate hospitality boxes?"

While I accept your general point, I'd just like to mention that it's not just "the rich" that inhabit the boxes. I've had to fork out for space in one previously to take a foreign nephew to see The Scum (tm) as he is regrettably a fan (wifes side of the family I hasten to add). I'm about as blue collar as you're gonna find this side of a CIU club.

Though why anyone would want to take a computer of any type to a match is beyond me.

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Re: Ban Tablets but

"Still let the suicide bomber with a bomb wrapped around their body will still be allowed."

I'm pretty sure that a ban on suicide bombers can be taken as read. They also don't ban automatic weapons and nuclear bombs but I'm sure they would rather you did not take them into the stadium.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Not allowed in wearing shoes

Some guy once tried to conceal a bomb in his pants (UK definition), so that means those are prohibited too ?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: why anyone would want to take a computer of any type to a match

why anyone would want to take themselves to any type of Premier League match is beyond me, and certainly never contemplate to see Scum (tm).

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Joke

The BOFH Solution

"Excuse me Sir. Just slip your portable device into this slot to see if it is allowed in."

(Heavy grinding noises from the machine)

"Sorry sir. That device was not approved. Care for a plastic bag of the parts you can recycle, or do you have your own container?"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The BOFH Solution

That'll be £1 for the bag please.

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Dream on sunshine - LVG will deffo have us in the top four.....

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umm

so what happens if you have a phablet ?

the line is hard to distinguish. I suppose as long as you can make a phonecall on the device it is accepted as a phone not a tablet ?

i personally wouldn't mind a 6.5/7" phone. Mind you i'd have a bluetooth headset for it !!!

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Re: umm

Read the article, they are covered by this, "devices are no larger than the maximum permitted dimensions of 150mm x 100mm"

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Happy

Re: umm

Apologies !

and damn !!

oh wait i don't watch football. nm :)

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Re: umm

The Galaxy Note 2 is 15cm x 8cm, so only just meets the requirements. I believe the Note 3 is bigger, so won't be allowed.

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Mushroom

How about a more realistic reason....

...We are banning tablets because the person behind paid a lot of money to see the match live and doesn't want to watch the entire game through your tablet while you film it, you self centred prick.

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JDX
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Re: How about a more realistic reason....

But that's not why they SAY they're doing it.

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No reason to use a tablet

A decent phone has a camera as good as a tablet anyway. I don't think there is a photography ban anyway.

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Re: No reason to use a tablet

We aren't talking about a photography ban. We are talking about some nob-end in the row in front of you holding up a tablet the size of an A4 piece of paper at your head height, blocking your view.

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Re: No reason to use a tablet

@Monty

Just lean forward and sing into the mike "Who's the a$$hole, who's the a$$hole, who's the a$$hole with the slab? Who's the a$$hole with the slab?" It'll disappear before the next game.

Or simply lean forward and push the off button. By the third time they'll take the hint.

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JDX
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Re: No reason to use a tablet

Why are they holding it up at your head height, not their head height?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: No reason to use a tablet

Because they don't want it blocking their view either!

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LDS
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Re: No reason to use a tablet

Not all items are banned for the same reason. It does look there is a photography/video banner because any camera with a lens good enough to take a good image is banned. It is true that some DSLR high-end large lenses using a metal barrel could also used to hit someone hard, but given their prices you'll do it only when your life is a risk, but it is not true for most bridge cameras and camcorders.

Then there are the bans to protect in-stadium sales. Then there are the real security ones.

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Understandable

If you paid £xxx for a ticket for a premiership game the last thing you want is everybody holding up a massive tablet in front of you blocking the view. I can see trouble occurring when a frustrated fan decides they have had enough and starts smashing the bloody things.

It's bad enough at concerts where everybody holds up mobiles. I want to see the band live, not on 500 LED screens.

There have been claims that it's to stop people recording games, but since most smartphones have better camera's than tablets, why aren't they blocking them.

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Re: Understandable

I've got a season ticket to a Premier League side. I've NEVER seen someone film a game through an iPad. All you get the occasional tourist taking photos.

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Terrorism

Old Trafford capacity = 75,731

iPad dimensions = 242.8mm x 189.7mm

Solar radiation reaching upper atmosphere = ~1.35W/m^2

Adjusting for weather conditions and average angle of incidence during football matches played throughout the season, etc.

If they don't ban iPads the losing team's supporters would require approximately 14 seconds to vaporise the referee at the end of the first half.

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Re: Terrorism

Hell yeah. What short story is this from? Where the spectators* were given mirrored match day programs.

* I vaguely remember that the spectators were generally all police / military as well.

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Re: Terrorism

Hell yeah. What short story is this from? Where the spectators* were given mirrored match day programs.

A Slight Case of Sunstroke by Arthur C Clarke.

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Man United 0 Terrorists 1

Another away win for the terrorists, and they didn't even have to turn up.

By all means ban tablets and laptops at matches, concerts etc, but please don't roll out the old "it's to stop the terrorists" excuse - just ignore the terrorists and they lose.

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Anonymous Coward

Twats 0 Football Fans who actually want to watch the match 1

There should be a law which lets you punch anyone who holds a mobile device higher than the top of their head in a sports event or gig. And smash the device in question. You wouldn't be able to hit them over the head with it though, as that would mean holding it above their head which would make you a target too.

I'm sure this would work.

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Re: Twats 0 Football Fans who actually want to watch the match 1

I'm thinking actually that this is the real issue - tossing someone's fondleslab around like a frisbee could do some serious damage to anything it hits. A lot worse than the plastic seats that Millwall fans are fond of using.

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JDX
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Re: Twats 0 Football Fans who actually want to watch the match 1

I'd rather sit next to someone with an iPad than the kind of person who thinks punching the person next to them is a good idea. The people who put people off going to watch football are not the ones with tablets, but the ones who scream 4-letter tirades and throw stuff at the players.

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Re: Twats 0 Football Fans who actually want to watch the match 1

tossing someone's fondleslab around like a frisbee could do some serious damage to anything it hits.

Isn't that why the iSlabs have rounded edges?

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Re: Twats 0 Football Fans who actually want to watch the match 1

The people who put people off going to watch football are not the ones with tablets, but the ones who scream 4-letter tirades and throw stuff at the players.

You're right. I would wish never to sit next to Alan Pardew either.

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Anonymous Coward

Terrorism my fat arse!

I've nothing more to add.

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Man Utd support the Tabletban

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Stop

OK, So I am no fan of Apple, but that was clickbait if ever I saw it.

Nothing specifically to do with apple whatsoever that would justify that strapline.

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Facepalm

doh!

you must be new around here (sigh)

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Anonymous Coward

"...we are committed to putting the safety and security of all supporters as our number one priority"

Our second priority is the abuse of the English language.

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Money is always the driver

If anyone thinks anything other than money is the driver here you're deluding yourself. I'm surprised they:

1. are not charging for holding devices in a 'tablet cloakroom'

2. haven't offered a 'pre-approved' tablet for use in the stadium rental deal (that are the same as those banned less a camera facility)

What happens at one Prem ground soon follows at others - especially where money is involved.

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Cunning...

Now lets hope nobody squashes some semtex into the shape of a steak and ale pie.

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Coat

Re: Cunning...

I'm sure it would taste considerably nicer than the pies you get at many football grounds...

Now who's for a Wahabi Wagon Wheel to follow their Bin Laden Bovril and Jihadi Jumbo Sausage? My round, I'll just get them from the Allahu snakbar...

[it's probably best that I get my coat at this point]

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Good move for football - not terrorism related at all

Why would you want your face in your tablet while watching football? This internet addiction has really gone too far if people cant stand to be without their tablet for a few hours on a Saturday.

I'm sure everyone who owns a tablet also has a smartphone why don't you slum it on a small screen for a bit. I hope a stray ball smacks you on the head while you're looking down.

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JDX
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Re: Good move for football - not terrorism related at all

You're right. People should be forced to enjoy things the way you enjoy them.

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wouldn't work state side

Go to a day baseball game and you see them all the time.

We call it "teleworking".

Works as long as you can connect to your corp net.

Our so I'm told.

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WTF?

"In line with UK airports we are reacting to the latest security intelligence..."

That does it! I'm never going to fly from Old Trafford again.

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Facepalm

Really?

"In line with UK airports we are reacting to the latest security intelligence..."

I thought the phrase "security intelligence" was classed as tautology.

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Facepalm

Re: Really?

"I thought the phrase "security intelligence" was classed as tautology.

Sorry, a senior moment there. What I should have written - and indeed meant to write was:-

"I thought the phrase "security intelligence" was classed as an oxymoron."

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Anonymous Coward

What a crap headline

It appears El Reg needs to troll for hits. It is a ban on all larger devices, so why the Jasper Hamill approach to reporting?

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Re: What a crap headline

I agree with you. Story: laptops and tablets to be prohibited. Headline: MAN U BANS IPADS!

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Security has poor memory...

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/09/21/bum_bombing/

What, they don't remember the grenade-up-your-ass ploy? "Please moon us for your safety."

Or how about the movie "Black Sunday" (1977) where a blimp is used to haul in the weapon of mass murder?

So all the fans are queued outside of the stadium, filing through the checkpoints, right where the terrorists will have such easy pickings.

I'm so glad that terrorists are so freaking stupid. Otherwise we'd be in so much hurt.

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Re: Security has poor memory...

You have all missed the real point, MU don't want action recorded so that they can make yet more money out of selling the footage to those who didn't get enough of it live that they have to download it and post mortem every single minute, forever more.

The Fans think it's all over. Thanks to MU, it is now!

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