back to article Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Youtube Video Sex sex sex, that’s all we think about, apparently. I think I read somewhere that men think about sex every seven seconds. But then you shouldn’t believe everything you read because a person could hardly concentrate on (SEX) matters on a day-to-day basis if this was the case and you would turn into a (SEX) machine …

Coffee/keyboard

nothing but pure fancy

If I remember correctly it wasn't a code but a patch that you had to apply to show the goods.

I won't be surprised if it is a code now, since you can't expect kids these days to be able to patch a file.

On another note, what kind of an IT person are you really, if you cannot find the "Sickening and Obscene"? They even added private browsing so you don't have to delete your history once you found it. Come on, even IE has private tabs.

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Re: nothing but pure fancy

It has to be done with "a click" of "a button", remember. No keyboard work or browser setup. Just go to Instagram and click on a button.

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@Milen (was: Re: nothing but pure fancy)

What, pray tell, is the definition of "a code", v.s. "a patch" in this context? Please do compare & contrast.

While you are at it, kindly define both "sickening" and "obscene".

I'm on tenterhooks ...

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Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

By "code", I meant tapping a sequence of buttons on your game controller or a sequence of keys on your keyboard to unlock an Easter Egg.

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@Alistair (was: Re: nothing but pure fancy)

Kids these days just don't get the overall concept of TehIntraWebTubes.

Keep writing, Mr. Dabbs. You amuse me in the wee hours late-week :-)

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ZSn

Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

What sort of egg was that again, Easter or Love?

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Re: nothing but pure fancy

Fair enough, it takes more than one click and some typing. Also I don't use Instagram but it is pretty easy on tumblr.

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Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

Code is a sequence of keys pressed on the keyboard or other controller. By patch I mean modifying the executable and other parts of the program and maybe adding some custom HD textures while we are at it.

Sickening and obscene should be defined by each viewer individually. Are you asking for what makes me sick? Sorry, but you'll have to wait till Monday for that answer, as I don't plan on spoiling my weekend.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: kindly define both "sickening" and "obscene"

Margaret Thatcher naked on a hot day.

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Alert

Re: nothing but pure fancy

Yes there was a mod, every student had it at the time... Article has gone tits up here and this needs to be clarified. Stuff like this is very important to the middle aged.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

"Sickening and obscene should be defined by each viewer individually."

I agree, I find Instagram itself sickening and obscene. To take modern camera technology and, using software, artificially make it as crap as 20-40 years ago is beyond my understanding*.

It's like taking a modern car and adding an always-on brake to make it as uneconomical as a car 20 years ago... why?

* I can understand the occasional artistic use of such effects, but artistic doesn't come into Instagram.

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Facepalm

Re: kindly define both "sickening" and "obscene"

That mental picture should not get thumbs up...

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Re: nothing but pure fancy

On another note, what kind of an IT person are you really, if you cannot find the "Sickening and Obscene"?

A somewhat jaded IT person?

PS:

The "Hot cyber-ninja liking IT geeks" ... Well, it can happen. In fact one pays good money for that kind of thing in Amsterdam.

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You have cheered me right up

Last weeks article was a bit meh, but this one......hang on I have a text.

Oh, it's nothing. Jeez your nosey, OK it was from my mate Jaime, yeah her, not my wife. She never texts unless she wants milk. My wife that is, sometimes jqaime messages me about pasta, I think that's because I said once I like pasta. I also like breast and painted toenails, does this mean I should ask her next time she's over from America? Oh where was I ....Oh yes, I quite liked reading this on.

Hang on, another text, oh it's a video on iMessage....Hmmm Seems she knows about breasts.

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Anonymous Coward

Even The Guardian is at it..

Hardly a world shaking story but it has rge requisite single word in the title. Although museum makes me more think of mausoleums and things old and dead. Which, with my sex life, may be an euphemism in itself as the buzzards are circling.

Q: how do you know your sex life is in decline?

A: you find yourself wondering about expiry dates on condoms..

Thank you, and good night.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Even The Guardian is at it..

Sadly I have thrown out condoms that were past the shag-by date.

That me, that is. Past my shag-by date :(

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Anonymous Coward

declining 'intimate moments'

The recent one I heard was about men preferring to watch the World Cup

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I read this article, what happened next will AMAZE you!

I didn't share it on social media! Because while I found it interesting and amusing, I wouldn't presume that anyone else would, and if they would they would probably have already seen it

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40 per cent have turned down sex with their partner in favour of playing on their smartphone.

That's not because they're 18-30 as you suggest. That's because their partner is a 18-30 male ;-) hence they probably turn down sex several times a day for various reasons, including "I'm on the phone with mum, stupid", "what are you doing I'm washing the dishes", "hush now, the other customers are watching", "you'll get us thrown out of the bus" or "I said no, airplane seats are too uncomfortable". And yes, probably "In a minute dear, I'm this close to breaking my personnal best in Angry Birds". Not that surprising really.

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ZSn

Re: 40 per cent have turned down sex with their partner in favour of playing on their smartphone.

Dear Agony Aunt,

I am writign to you about my boyfriend, he always wants esx, in the morning, in the afternono, in the evening, he even wakes me pu at night for sxe! (apologies, it's a bit difficult to wriet an emali while....)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 40 per cent have turned down sex with their partner in favour of playing on their smartphone.

> "In a minute dear, I'm this close to breaking my personnal best in Angry Birds"

or more likely.... Hmm, she's playing on her phone... I may as well have a quick game of crysis... Hmm, the kids are snoring loudly this evening. Oh wait, its 2am and that isn't the kids...

Electronic screens are bad. They keep the kids up. TV is almost as bad as free-to-play games - it is not made by people who love content and use adverts to support their craft. It is made by advertisers trying to find some way to get people to watch their adverts.

Electronic devices are a distraction which separates people from each other. TV stops conversation around the table; personal stereos isolate listeners from their friends, family and environment; phone/tablet activities shift focus from people to a device and absorb that attention like a black hole absorbs light.

Boredom is the engine-room of creativity. It's good for children and adults.

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Megaphone

Re: Electronic devices are a distraction which separates people from each other

Well we need something for god's sake! It may as well be electronic devices.

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Anonymous Coward

" However, while I am flattered that you went on to ask me to help you sort it out, this will not be possible as I don’t give a flying fuck. "

No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!

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Damn it, you beat (HA!) me to it...

I was (sex) only going (sex) to post (sex) a similar (sex) comment about (sex) how I (sex) didn't believe (sex) that we (sex) think about (sex) sex (sex) every seven (sex) seconds... I (sex) think (sex) it (sex) might (sex) be (sex) a (sex) bit (sex) more (sex) frequent (sex) than (sex) that...

*Pure (sex), Sweet (sex), And (sex) Innocent (sex) Grin*

...sexsexsexsexsexsexsexsex...

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Happy

"No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You can- but only once...

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Re: "No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You mean you've never used the reply of "sorry, you've mistaken me for someone who gives a fuck?"

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Re: "No if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

DILLIGAF?

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Childcatcher

Incident Resolution

"No[w] if only I could use that just once in our call logging system!"

You can, but just once (for obvious reasons).

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Angel

I only opened the article so I could add this comment saying that I only opened the article so I could add this comment, not because it had 'bonking' and 'rogering' in the title. Honest.

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I found it difficult...

..to masturbate to this article.

Difficult..not impossible.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I found it difficult...

Need some help with your phone's hands free mode? :p

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I found it difficult...

Try Google Glass instead, you'll have both hands free.

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Devil

An intresting quote i heard

Everything is about sex expect for sex it self it's about power.

Personally sex is like socks for me tons of it about but I never seem to get any.

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Trollface

"Sickening and Obscene" button in Instagram

I thought all of the images on Instagram were "Sickening and Obscene", no button needed - Just a decent eye for photographic quality and a sensitive stomach. I find Instagram in general to be a perversion of photography.

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I thought all of the images on Instagram were "Sickening and Obscene"

No, that's Pinterest.

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Thumb Up

On a completely unrelated note, from NTKnow dated 16/07/1999 (ie fifteen years ago, when we were all younger and actually getting some sex):

SNAPPY QUESTIONS FOR DUMB ANSWERS>> (being an occasional

series encouraging readers to ruin press conferences by

asking smart-arse questions): ALISTAIR DABBS wins this week,

with his query at the Acrobat 4.0 launch earlier this year.

When Adobe's CHUCK GESCHKE demonstrated how the whole of

Apple UK's Website could be converted into a PDF, Alistair

asked if Chuck could see the irony of choosing the Apple

site for the demo, since this feature is only available in

the Windows version. Chuck's instant comeback: Adobe will

have added this function to Mac Acrobat 4.0 by launch

date. Impressive comeback? "I learnt fifteen minutes later

from a whispering Adobe product manager", reveals Alistair,

"that this was total bollocks, invented off the cuff by

Chuck in order to shut me up." Okay, folks: now it's up to

you to remind Chuck of his promise at every public

appearance. And remember: the demo is only over when you're

forced to leave the building.

I assume this is/was our beloved Dabbsy

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Sure sounds like him.

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>> I assume this is/was our beloved Dabbsy

T'was me. I was delighted to see this tweeted to me from Dave Green this morning. NTK made good reading and I looked forward to it every week... now no longer with us. Falco!

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Happy

Top drawer humour (Dabbsy's, not mine)

I read "Nobchiz" as Nobchintz. (blame the warm weather).

Secret fantasy of a maiden aunt?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Top drawer humour (Dabbsy's, not mine)

Not secret now mate!

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Anonymous Coward

Dabbsy, Don't Leave

From the last few articles you look like you're about to start up a new career as a stand up comic.

Great humour by the way.

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Re: Dabbsy, Don't Leave

Great, I'll book a venue for standup at BDF14.

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I’m sexting my illicit lover with suggestions regarding the Crimea question.

See Sevastopolʹ with Balaklava.

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Stereotypes

"The fat, spotty, nerdy twat in his faded t-shirt that smells like a sweaty pillow: that’s you and me, that is."

So happy to see stereotypes about 'computer geeks' are still going strong. Because generalisations about large groups of people are always correct.

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Re: Stereotypes

I've tried this gag picturing computer-literate teenagers as being dressed in Armani suits, smelling of CK and driving Lamborghinis but readers have trouble believing it.

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Re: Stereotypes

The most important part of 'generalizations' is the 'general' part. Generalizations generally contain a general truism (or two), but obviously there are going to be some misses, otherwise it wouldn't be a generalization. It would be incontrovertible fact. It's when you get into incontrovertible generalizations that things generally take a turn for the worse.

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Angel

Re: Stereotypes

T-shirt is NOT faded, it's, um, DISTRESSED, all us hipsters wear 'em, you know ....

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Happy

Re: Stereotypes

" So happy to see stereotypes about 'computer geeks' are still going strong. Because generalisations about large groups of people are always correct."

Spoken like a true fat, spotty, nerdy twat in his faded t-shirt that smells like a sweaty pillow!

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Joke

And thank Adidas

All Day I Dream About Sex…

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MrT
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Hell's teeth, Dabbsy!

You linked to a Daily Mail 'article' without posting the usual 300x300pixel warning sign first!

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