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back to article iPhone user SHAMEGASM: 'I beg of you', delete sex app from my purchase list

The developer of a vibrator app has told guilty self-touching fanbois that it cannot wipe away their sinful past. Users flocked to Apple's App Store to write five-star reviews of a free app called iVibe Massager. Only it seems they were not basking in post-orgasmic bliss, but wallowing in shame. They tried to barter with the …

Anonymous Coward

Puritan Mindsets

Proof that many fanbois are W*nkers mixing high tech with a 19th century puritan mindset?

Come on folks this is the 21st century isn't it? - this enlightened period when we are not judged by our sexual choices? A time where it is known and accepted that we all have erogenous zones, and that all balanced individuals like to have them stimulated once in a while...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Come on folks this is the 21st century isn't it?

Is that why you posted as AC? ;-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Puritan Mindsets

One ex used to use a Motorola V series flip-phone. No need for an app back then, just put use the setting to turn it on or off and let it run in demo mode...

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Re: One ex used to use a Motorola V

Seems a lot of fuss to go through just to stop people asking to use your phone.

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Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?

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Anonymous Coward

Perhaps it is designed for a different kind of hole?

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Coat

"Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?"

What, the next model has to be even longer?

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Coat

Sure it is... its much narrower than the competition... I always thought the iPhone was too narrow for mens big hands to use.. turns out its a real ladies phone!

(I wonder if anyone sells waterproof coats for iPhones...)

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Trollface

>Am I the only one thinking that perhaps the iPhone isn't exactly shaped in the correct way for this purpose?

You're holding it wrong.

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Standard Apple response: You're holding it wrong.

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Go

Lister's Vindaloonian impression will have nothing on a mis-dial from this one!

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Sit on my face...

and let my lips embrace you.

Or wasn't "SitOnMyFaceTime" a prompt to sing Monty Python songs?

It's always Monty Python time.

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Re: Sit on my face... A little rewrite in honour

Sit on my iphone and tell me that you love me

I'll sit on your iphone and tell you I love you too

I love to hear you oralize

About your apple iphone highs

While You blow me away

Sit on my iphone and let my lips embrace you

I'll sit on your iphone and then I'll love you truly

Life can be fine if we dial sixty nine

If we stick our iphones in all sorts of places

And play till we're blown away

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Haha

Haha ha hahaha haaaaaaaaaaa! Bzzt

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Happy

Re: Haha haaaaaaaaaaa! Bzzt

Oh dear, did someone confuse their iZap stun-gun for their iPhone? Electrifying experience indeed!

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Coat

As I was reading this I thought "this smells fishy" as will some of the app users I expect...

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Any which way

"I saw this on a website with a friend and thought it was funny and she downloaded it and I don't want my parents to take it the wrong way!"

Nobody want their parents to take their sex toy the wrong way, even if they gave it a really good wash afterwards.

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No wonder those girls in the video need a bit of DIY - their voices are so annoying!

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Paris Hilton

"No wonder those girls in the video need a bit of DIY - their voices are so annoying!"

Yeah, but at least they provided a good comedy moment for the day:

"Ultimately, all of these apps are limited by the capabilities of the iPhone itself."

"Yeah, like, come on Apple..."

"I know, we didn't need an iPad mini, we needed a vibrator."

"This is what happens when Steve Jobs passes away."

Paris. Just because, okay?

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Isn't this just going to make your phone smell of vagina juice? Just go to Ann Summers, it's the 21st century for fuck sake.

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Isn't this Streisand's favourite app?

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Anonymous Coward

Later that day at the local iGenius Bar with a DOA iPhone...

Moisture sensor. What do you mean ... ?

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I does work

No no no, it does work, you are all holding it the wrong way!

Steve

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Theres an app for that.....

Will never have the same connotation ever again.As for worrying about your download history ooooh who said your not being tracked haa haaaaaaaa

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Bad Vibes

I'll get my coat.

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Siri:

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Siri:

Good job it's not Microsoft Bob... You look like you're trying to...

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vagina dialling

"'ere, some C*nt keeps prank calling me"

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Anonymous Coward

Vaginas dialling

Thanks el reg. I'm not going to be able to concentrate all day. Can't get image out of...

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Hmmm....

"Hey, Laura, could I borrow your 'phone for a minute? My battery is dead and I need to make a quick call."

"Sure, no problem - here you go."

"Er, on second thoughts, I think I'll pass. Looks a little crusty. I'll wait 'till I get home."

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Joke

I always thought the self indulgence induced by Apple products was called Macturbating

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I am sorry I cannot take your call right now...

too busy twiddling my tic-tac

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Coat

Oh well, it is Friday after all...

Tired of tickling the kipper? Pissed off with paddling the pink canoe? Fucked off with flicking through the furry purse?

You need iVibe! Only $4.99 from the fapp store...

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Anonymous Coward

If all they do is put it down the front of their knickers, as opposed to internally, how does it compare to a couple of fingers?

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Its like this. Not just apps but music as well.

Sometimes the into to the music feature does not give full feature of music you may want to buy and based on the snippet I bout a few albums that after a while really do seem to totally suck and would like to unlist them from my purchases. I really do not care if I get a refund or not I just want it out of my list of music I bought.

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Bah!

Wait till the developer mentions that the camera is active during app use ...

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Why?

Would you want to share your purchase history with anyone, let alone your parents.

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Re: Incoming Clue Missile!

Seven words: "It's their credit card on the account, that's why."

Okay, nine words. And a contracted tenth.

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Even worse

Imagine your embarrasement when the TSA makes you turn it on.

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Android version....

JellyBean flicker?

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