(This - Malcolm would like people to note - is why we can't have nice things)
The phone stopped working, I'm further than Mars from the exchange, so can't get internet anyway (I know, but she complained), so I rang Telstra and the SA Crack Cabling Team arrived. After checking around the house and every single shed they eventually found the line into the house ... under the house ...
But that wasn't the problem. So where's the line go? Well it goes to the (not really a road) Government Road, just at the end of our drive, doesn't it? No. Oh.
It goes up your paddock to your neighbour's place. But that's in the opposite direction to the main road?! Yep.
So anyway, they couldn't find that pit. But, running parallel to the Main Road and yet further away from the exchange (some 200 metres further) they did find a pit. So they strung up a line (using gaffer tape, a big plastic "chucking pole" ... a length of pvc pipe and gaffer tape - for getting it up into trees - and yet more gaffer tape - god love gaffer tape) down a couple of fence lines, across a couple of gates, down a hillside, up a couple of trees, over a couple of sheds, over the house roof and down under the house.
Bless 'em :-)
From there the Crack Team whipped out a laptop and with some very nice network diagrams I was not allowed to screenshot, figured out that my phone line runs:
From the exchange a long, long way away ...
Down the main road past my house (which is about 400m from the main road at the end of a phantom government road)
... 1.3k past my house ...
Up one of the neighbour's drive
Across their paddock (2 of them) - now 100m past my house, the other way, 500m from the main road)
To the junction with another neighbour's fence line
Up his fence line
Connects to his place
Past his place
Into a pit no one can find
Back down to our place (70m or so)
So I stood with the lead bloke from the Crack Cabling Team and he said, "What I'm going to do is put in a Network Improvement Request"
How we both laughed.
Phone is still working, though ;-)