back to article Tennessee bloke cuffed for attempting to shag ATM – police

A Tennessee man earned himself an appointment with the beak last Friday night after police claimed that he'd walked into bar, dropped his trousers and tried to have his evil way with a cash machine. According to a police report quoted by the Tennessean, 49-year-old Lonnie J. Hutton entered the Murfreesboro hostelry "and walked …

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Joke

A penalty...

...for early withdrawal?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: A penalty...

Attempted to have sex with a table, lifted it's skirt but legged it? Sorry, I'll (drop) leaf it there.

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TRT
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Did he...

... make a deposit?

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Coat

Re: Did he...

Maybe he thought it was a sperm-bank ATM.

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TRT
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Re: Did he...

Wank of America?

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http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/50026747.jpg

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Perhaps he misread it

when it asked him to insert his pin...

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Re: Perhaps he misread it

At least it was in the US. Otherwise he might have expected to get chips with his pin.

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TRT
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"Hey BooBoo...

...I say we leave this here picinic table well alone for a little while."

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Cool heads prevail?

Much as I tend to despair of the US justice system "public intoxication" seems far more reasonable than the laundry list of sexual offences he would probably get landed with over here.

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: Cool heads prevail?

Agreed. I think they went easy on him.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Cool heads prevail?

Maybe he was related in some way to the ATM and picnic table so technically in Tennessee no sexual offence was committed.

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Silver badge

Re: Cool heads prevail?

The outcome is highly variable depending on where in the US. I'm fairly certain the usual "big city" spots in NY, CA, DC, etc would all have a much longer list.

On a perhaps related note, the bar does bill itself as "the cleanest little dive bar this side of the river" so there's no telling what happens across the creek.

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Re: Cool heads prevail?

..."public intoxication" seems far more reasonable than the laundry list of sexual offences he would probably get landed with over here...

Depends. How old was that ATM?

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Thumb Up

Here is hoping...

They cleaned the ATM afterwards!!

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Coat

Re: Here is hoping...

Given most run Windows XP it was probably rooted already…

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Pint

Re: Here is hoping...

@Longrod - "Here is hoping... They cleaned the ATM afterwards!!"

Apparently you haven't been in a bar in Tennessee recently.

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Re: Here is hoping...

You hope they cleaned the ATM.

So does that mean you'd be happy eating off the picnic table?

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Coat

Re: Here is hoping...

"They cleaned the ATM afterwards!!"

And risk a money laundering charge?

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Re: Here is hoping...

"Given most run Windows XP it was probably rooted already…"

Well, money is the rootkit of all evil.

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Alert

The old adage...

Bank screws man:- not news.

Man screws bank:- NEWS!

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WTF?

Crimestoppers?

Newspaper article mentions calling Crimestoppers if you have any information regarding the case. "Hello... Crimestoppers? I've seen that picnic table hanging around the bar before. It was asking for it!"

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But....

Did the police hang around in hope of seeing the Money Shot?

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UltiMate Security

Maybe he is on to a winner, instead of using a pin code fit DNA detectors to ATMs.

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Re: UltiMate Security

I doubt it. His described condition in the article might make getting a coherent PIN number from him difficult, but he seems more than willing to dispense his DNA freely.

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Anonymous Coward

Do you see a problem?

This is what drugs do to ya...

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Happy

Well it is completely understandable...

...his first cousin must have been out of town for the weekend.

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Picnic Table

One Word - Splinters....

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Brings a whole new meaning to...

...the Hole in the Wall.

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I've heard of the love of money, but this is ridiculous.

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Angel

"I've heard of the love of money, but this is ridiculous."

Well, that's the thing. He may have told the ATM he loved it, but really he was only after its money.

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That's it! I'm outta here!

I've been wanting out of Middle Tennessee for the past year! Now I've got all the reasons in the world to go now! Seems that Middle Tennessee has become the Shatspot of the world for down right weird news. First you had a girl with a gun stuck up her arse, and now this! I am taking donations for the "Get me the he** outta Middle Tennessee right the f**k now!" fund! Just a $1 donation from all you dear reg readers, family and friends can help me live a new life....In a less shite area!

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Anonymous Coward

slippery slope perhaps

but someone who either thinks this sort of behavior is okay - or cannot control their behavior - is probably not just having inappropriate public sexual relations, or at least not for long.

Lawyer job security, PC and pop psychology aside, mental illnesses and compulsions most often do "evolve" and expand into worse behaviors. Self destructive, and worse.

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