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back to article Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

Adobe’s spectacular FAIL over the last 48 hours confirmed, rather than revealed, cloud computing to be so unreliable as to be positively dangerous. Cloud computing is shite. It takes over everything you’ve got, then farts in your face and runs away giggling. For those readers blissfully ignorant of what us media production types …

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Joke

I can't do that for you, Alistair!

As HAL would say, or as Sirius Cybernetics would have it "Share and Enjoy!!", which does sound better than "Go stick your head in a pig!" but amounts to much the same.

This is my problem with several LaTeX offerings available for Android. All the ones I know require you to be online to actually compile the LaTeX source. Not easy (or affordable if available) somewhere outback in Uganda or the like.

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DJV
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Agree

"Cloud computing is shite. It takes over everything you’ve got, then farts in your face and runs away giggling."

Couldn't have put it better! I wouldn't trust any of them with my data. I am paranoid when it comes to backups (having been bitten in the past). The irreplaceable stuff is backed up in 6 different places, one of which is not under my roof!

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Re: Agree

"Couldn't have put it better! I wouldn't trust any of them with my data. I am paranoid when it comes to backups (having been bitten in the past). The irreplaceable stuff is backed up in 6 different places, one of which is not under my roof!"

I am in total agreement with you both. Multiple backups, off site in two different places, I do not use proprietary software that changes native format, all on encrypted (hardware encrypted) drives.

Should a server fail, I do not need to install OS, proprietary software, import data etc. ...

I do however have a cloud backup of encrypted data. Why? well because the MD of a company read about it somewhere. Do I use it? no. Will I ever use it? no. It gets checked but trying to download 400 gigs of data through a crappy Inertnet <sic> connection on a Saturday night when the pubs are open is not my idea of fun. Just go to mirror server, rename, reallocate I.P. job done. Worse case scenario take encrypted drive to pub with Interwebs, buy a round, share drive and let folks work off that as temporary measure over secure wireless in suitcase setup.

Cloud! Too many issues from: data ownership, sovereignty, bandwidth, security in general, lack of control over backups, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Thankfully the NSA's cloud was totally secure !!! Did nobody tell them about the CIA? (1)

(1) Confidentiality, Availibility, Integrity (1.1)

(1.1) Self contradicting conditions that have to be balanced and are a bit like flying a helicopter.

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Unhappy

All hail the <s>mainframe</s> cloud. All hail the <s>mainframe</s> cloud.

And when the "cloud" give mainframe level reliability maybe they will.

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Re: Agree

You have summed it all up quite succinctly, sir.

BRAVO, for speaking TRUTH.

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The Gimp may be a bit kludgy & user hostile (or so I've heard *) but at least it keeps on working no matter what.

Cloud=FAIL indeed.

* I do use it to do basic stuff but I'm nowhere near your typical artsy graphic designer bod.

PS. I must add that ironically the ad linking algorithm in play at el reg is assuring me that the "Microsoft Cloud" will "turn chaos into clockwork". Of course it will.

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Devil

If you tried to sue them for deceptive advertising, their lawyers would argue that even a broken clock is right twice a day.

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Anonymous Coward

Then counter-argue that a broken clock can never be right with a missing hour hand.

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Re: turn chaos into clockwork

Not just any clockwork. A Clockwork Orange. For the cloud users, life is never boring.

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Pint

Speaking as an artsy graphic designer...

...I wouldn't touch Adobe Creative Cloud with somebody else's ten-foot pole, for the reasons that Dabbs articulated so beautifully.

I plan on holding onto CS6 until Adobe can pry my cold, dead fingers from around it -- or until my retirement, which isn't actually that far off.

Here's a tall cold one for Mr. Dabbs.

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But a missing hour hand

means it's right every 60 minutes.

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Could not agree more...

There is little reason for any software to require a permanent connection to an authentication server.

Rather, it should do the login, authenticate, and maintain that authority for a number of days - seven, fourteen, whatever. When it checks in tomorrow, that authority extends another day.

That way you always have a grace period in hand for when these little events happen...

Although I'm a complete cloudaphobe - I run nothing, either applications or data, which is not resident on my machine or on local network drive which I control. Luddite? Perhaps - but I've never been stopped by lack of network access.

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Re: Luddite??

Or somewhat perspicacious consumer who recognises the cloud as the latest incarnation of the meme that brought us;

'the cheque is in the post'

and

'I promise I wont cum in your mouth'

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Could not agree more...

It's funny because the naughty version of this software circumvents it by pointing the adobe domains to localhost and upping the grace period for 'no connection'.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Could not agree more...

You'd think all these authentication connections would be made through SSL or some other secure link so that you can't run a fake authentication server without the server's private key...

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Re: Could not agree more...

"You'd think all these authentication connections would be made through SSL or some other secure link so that you can't run a fake authentication server without the server's private key..."

Adobe never really grok'd that whole security thing very well, have they...

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Re: Could not agree more...

"Although I'm a complete cloudaphobe - I run nothing, either applications or data, which is not resident on my machine or on local network drive which I control. Luddite? Perhaps - but I've never been stopped by lack of network access."

Here, it's almost nothing. I try to avoid cloudy nonsense unless I have to.

But this whole saga has reminded me of something I used to point out to people when their internet connections were down and it wasn't something I could fix. "It doesn't matter that much," I'd say, "Your computer still works. Your software still works. The lack of an internet connection means you can't check your emails, but you have other work to do..."

The more people go for this cloudy nonsense, the less true that becomes.

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Trollface

Why all the complaining?

Haven't all the creative types got used to this already? After all, they've experienced .mac, MobileMeh, and iCloud.

(I am rather thankful that if you are an iCloud refusnik then the latest versions of OS X are still usable and unsullied, unlike, say, Windows 8.)

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Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

Cloud computing is not FAIL. It is the future and you have to do it because that's what the "experts" are selling, and if you don't then unfortunately lots of advertising executives will go hungry.

And who wants to be responsible for that?

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Devil

Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

And who wants to be responsible for that?

Wow! Is that an option? Where does the line start?

OTOH, they'd probably start Hunger-as-a-Service and make billions (think of it as the modern equivalent of selling indulgences.)

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Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

The experts should go back to selling good old fashioned support contracts instead of nobbling everybody's local OSes and software and giving it a nice name.

XP's EOL came about because income from selling XP (nowadays 0) came up against the cost of providing support for it. If MS did offer support contracts for every XP owner (not just a select few enterprises), everybody would be happy. People who want to stay on XP but also want support would pay for it and people who don't want support and don't want to upgrade to something newer either would only have themselves to blame when their precious photos get cryptolockered.

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Mushroom

Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

I do! Wont blink an eye when the numbers get too huge, promise.

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Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

No, EOL of MS XP is due to MS Ego. Nothing else. As has been the case for every MS OS ever. XP EOL isn't anything new. MS has always sold support, at about 4 levels. (Tech Net, MSDN, Select and Bespoke Megacorp/Government contracts). Actually MS just sold a year's Support of XP to a UK Gov. Dept. But on condition they migrate to Win 8.x not Linux.

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Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

@Mage Have a reference for that condiition or any evidence? That's a de facto lock in clause and severely non policy compliant.

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Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

The point I failed to make was that instead of selling support to ordinary consumers, companies often release almost identical versions every so often (Adobe CSx, Office 2007/10/13) or switch to a subscription model (Creative Cloud or Office 365). The subscription model also locks people out of their files if validation goes wrong or they stop subscribing.

What they should do is throw in support for 2-3 years then charge, which would also have avoided the problems with Adobe's online validation (you always have the right to run the software but not downloading updates for a day if there's a problem which the authentication servers would probably have gone unnoticed) and Microsoft's XP EOL (it's up to the customer to decide if they want to stop being supported and they live with the consequences).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Sorry, but you are incorrect Alistair.

I do.. me me me me!!!!!!

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Devil

Cloud Wars!

Clouder: Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal.

Customer: What happened?

Clouder: Uh, we had a slight SOAP malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

Customer: We're sending a lawyer up.

Clouder: Uh, uh... negative, negative. We had a data leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous.

Customer: Who is this? What's your SLA?

Clouder: Uh...

[Clouder slams down the VoIP phone]

Clouder: Boring conversation anyway. PFY!!!! WE'RE GONNA HAVE COMPANY!

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Re: Cloud Wars!

Shortly afterwards they dived through the ceiling of a marketroid meeting and were nearly crushed under the weight of complete and utter advertising.

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Re: Cloud Wars!

Aren't you a little short for a sysadmin?

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Pint

Re: Cloud Wars!

I find your lack of Database backups... disturbing

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Anonymous Coward

Agree 100%

Once again, right on the button. It's one if the reasons I stubbornly remained with boring standard IMAP and SMTP (well, over SSL) for email - web interfaces don't work too well offline and webmail has other fun risks for the uninitiated like leaving access credentials behind or even pristine copies of any attachment looked at (Windows users can do Windows-R and type "explorer %temp%" to see what I mean).

As for data storage and services, just say no. Especially if the service physically lives in the US. That the US listens in to everything already is no argument to make that any easier for them :)

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Pint

explorer %temp%

Ahhh, there's my pron! Thank you, Sir, thank you very much!! Have a pint! ;-)

Seriously, my browsing including webmail is mostly in private sessions. I'm not as naive as believing that there no recoverable traces left behind but temp's empty and I'm quite satisfied with that.

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Re: explorer %temp%

Hmm, on my work machine %temp% opens up "My Documents".

I wonder if they're trying to tell me something here...?

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Re: Agree 100%

What on earth makes you think anything as ambiguous as "The Cloud" lives in the good old USA when it's So Much Cheaper to stick it into a basement in Bangalore?

After all, part of the sales pitch was "Security by hiding it in an Unknown Location".

Did they actually Say it was Physically Located in the US, or did they say the Company has a "US Base"???

The Weasel Wording is all important ...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

Journalism at it is worst? Your point, ironically, is occluded by your inability to spell.

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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

"it is worst"?

Good thing you're not a journalist, then.

Edit: ah, bollocks, I've been beaten to the punch by some time.

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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

Absolutely agree. Terrible piece of journalism. I think you should complain.

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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

I find your counter arguement to be compelling, Neil.

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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

It should have been marked with an adult rating. Coarse language, wicked humour, multitude of other sins. Glad you got out of it, and not a moment too soon.

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Anonymous Coward

@Neil Alexander

Neil... what are you doing, Neil?

To make a meal, Neil?

Huh. Surreal!

From totalitarian vegetables

How much does it cost, Neil?

Long live The Young Ones.

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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

Sniff, sniff... ugh. Marketdroid detected.

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Well, yes... What did you expect?

While the author has my sympathy, I'm somewhat amazed that he seems surprised by the whole episode.

I mean, isn't it obvious? Having to be permanently connected to a remote system just make some stuff work locally? What could possibly go wrong? Oh yes - I know - network outage, system glitches, power failure, supplier incompetence, security failures, forgetting to pay the bill.....

A centralised server is all very well in an office, but over the internet? It just isn't and can't be reliable enough. Why anyone uses this "Cloud" thing is byond me

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Re: Well, yes... What did you expect?

Yup, my rule of thumb is - if you can't get up go over and cycle its power switch within 5 minutes tops, it's a convenience, not something you should be relying on seriously.

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Re: Well, yes... What did you expect?

Or if you can't fire the guy that will do it for you, which is what differentiates "cloud" from "offsite"

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Hahaha!

If you zoom into that screen shot, here's what the bottom left hand corner says:

"All the tools you need to create, collaborate, and stay connected."

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Holmes

The schadenfreude has reached a new level of intensity with this

Adobe do have features (and patents) in their software that make them the market leaders in some areas, but it's awe-inspring what they have managed to get their customers to agree to over the last few years. It's not that they aren't bastards for doing this, it's just that the sheer arrogance of the Just Works crowd in assuming that they can safely swallow the marketing whole and cede ever more responsibility to the vendor wthout any real protection more than balances this out on the sympathy/pleasure-in-misfortune scale.

It's impressive enough that they have managed to incrementally push DRM that is more and more fail-deadly into products that businesses pay good money for, and which publishing houses grind to a halt without, but their balls in moving to a subscription-only service while also making their core offerings dependent on their own infrastructure (and customers' Internet connections) can only be marvelled at. The next step will be for Adobe to provide products to their customers though leased dumb terminals (perhaps iPads), also including wireless internet connectivity (so that customers can outsource this to them as well), with the only way of extracting files being through this, via Adobe's servers. The logical conclusion of this will be for businesses to avoid having to deal with and hardware, software or Creative Professionals at all and to pay Adobe for (AI-generated) Creative Services directly.

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Re: The schadenfreude has reached a new level of intensity with this

>and to pay Adobe for (AI-generated) Creative Services directly.

I think their creativity software will be too busy looking for new ways to bum their customers...

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Re: The schadenfreude has reached a new level of intensity with this

The Bloomberg model, IOW.

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