back to article 'Bladdered' Utah couple cuffed in church lawn sex outrage

Guests at a Salt Lake City church wedding were treated to an unexpected display of non-marital bliss on Saturday, cops said, as they reported a couple had got jiggy on the lawn outside the House of God. According to The Smoking Gun, officer Rich Stone was flagged down outside the Sacred Heart Catholic Church at about 6pm by an …

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Yeesh. Not enough brain bleach in the world...

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Maybe they could claim that it wasn't her vagina involved, but was one of her wrinkles?

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Please amend article with a NSFA note

Not Suitable For Anywhere

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WTF?

Re: Please amend article with a NSFA note

A pair of "treble baggers" if ever I saw one...

Not sure brain bleach is strong enough. Brain sodium hydroxide anybody?

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Re: @Anom' Cowturd - A pair of "treble baggers" if ever I saw one...

..and that should be just for the bloody mug shots. Think I'm going to warm up the ECT machine and see if I can erase the last 20 minutes of memory. Gah!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Please amend article with a NSFA note

"Brain sodium hydroxide anybody?"

I'm not sure even that will suffice... this calls for some heavy duty mental floss!

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For the love of

Dog nooooooooooooo! o-0

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TRT
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They must be...

The Utah stains.

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Happy

I'm Guessing They were Not Guests Then

Or was it a really dress down event?

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Anonymous Coward

Blimey...

... it looks like borderline necrophilia

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It's no good

Even staring at Ryobi Girl isn't shifting that thought. Please, no Playmobil re-enactment.

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OTOH

This *WAS* a Catholic parish, after all... If they WANTED to turn kids off of sex, seeing this would probably do it!

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Re: OTOH

I thought it was Protestants who only had sex on every 3rd Birthday?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: OTOH

"sex on every 3rd Birthday"

You may wish to consider the potential implications of that comment and perhaps qualify it with 'after reaching the legal age of consent'...

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Re: OTOH

Oh dear, I do see your point. I'll rephrase it.

I thought it was Protestants who only had sex on every 3rd Birthday once they have both reached the age of consent in their local constituency and/or country?

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Anonymous Coward

Security guards suffer this all the time

in any place with a public accessed restroom. All sorts of street couples doing the ugly (SWITD) in the restrooms, blocking doors.

what's even worse is how often the act is PAID for, in trade, cash or hobo-dollars.

Yeah, most prostitutes are NOT "Pretty Woman". Think People of Wal Mart and you've got the reality..

You're welcome for today's diet motivation/emetic.

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Re: Security guards suffer this all the time

What are hobo-dollars and what does SWITD mean ?

I am not sure something like this would bother me too much I would be too detached from it.

(With certain family members present I would welcome it as it might redress the balance a bit in terms of something that would annoy them as much as they annoy me the rest of the time).

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IT Angle

Re: Security guards suffer this all the time

Hobo dollars = Something not "real money"

SWITD = "See What I Did There?" misspelled

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Re: Security guards suffer this all the time

"SWITD = "See What I Did There?" misspelled"

Makes sense. I had assumed "Sex With Intent To Disturb".

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Security guards suffer this all the time

It's not misspelt; it's called an acronym.

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Re: Security guards suffer this all the time

It's not misspelt; it's called an acronym.

To paraphrase Eric Morcambe, it had all the right letters but not necessarily in the right order.

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Staged perhaps?

Possible the "ex" of one of the couple staged it? It's amazing what $20 will buy you on the streets these days... All the same it's nice publicity - remind me to book them for the venue of a product roll out that I'm organizing in a couple of weeks.

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"tongue and finger"

He could catch all sorts off that finger.

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Anonymous Coward

I thought the Walking Dead was shot in Georgia. Maybe Utah is making their own version, the Effing Dead.

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Anonymous Coward

IT angle?

Oh go on it's the "Digital" reference isn't it?

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Re: IT angle?

They now have a record on a computer database?

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Re: IT angle?

Plug and pray, innit.

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Anonymous Coward

It was me and my female colleague from the IT team in the company next door from the church. We took a small little break from administering the old Windows NT servers. We haven't even started having fun when we got arrested.

I think it is unjust. If we had sex on the old servers and broke something, where would we buy a replacement PC still able to run the OS?

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Anonymous Coward

Poster children for the AARP?

That 2 people eligible for AARP membership are so randy is amazing. AARP and other societies for mature people should immediately adopt them.

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Here, rinse your mind out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiHXASgRTcA

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Here, rinse your mind out.

Kitten alert, for fellow feliphobes. Now I have to go and look at pictures of microprocessor dice for something calming and emotionally neutral...wtf? Call that an ALU? That barrel shifter is a complete piece of crap!

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Coat

You got it wrong

It was a church news story, not a church mews story.

At least, you got the cat-echism right. What, though, about the dog-ma?

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Mormons?

This being Salt Lake City and all, the question must surely be asked. Were they wearing Mormon magical underwear?

I think the IT angle in all of this is that until the Internet all we knew of such goings on was most likely confined to a three mile radius of where we actually lived. Now it's basically the land surface of the entire planet. With 7 billion people to choose from, the probability is that, no matter how nasty, someone somewhere is doing almost anything you can imagine with someone else. When Andy Warhol made the remark about in the future everyone would have fifteen minutes of fame, he omitted to mention why. Now we know.

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Joke

Re: Mormons?

Remove the second m.

There, fixed it for you.

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Re: Mormons?

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the largest Mormon sect). Please refer to us as LdS to distinguish us from the FLDS and other splinter groups.

Salt Lake City is only 40% LdS, despite hosting the world-wide Headquarters and largest LdS temple (two separate buildings).

The LdS Church sees all sex outside the bonds of marriage, so if this couple are LdS they were acting outside the teachings of the Church. The LdS also has one of the largest charities in the world, so very few members live on the street.

Not all LdS wear temple garments - just those who have been through the temple. These garments are holy vestments, but not considered magic. Many other sects have clergy where the ministry is their full-time employment. The LdS Church has a lay clergy and open priesthood, so our holy vestments were designed to not get in the way of our 9 to 5 while still serving as a reminder of our covenants.

Finally, the couple was outside a Catholic chapel. Btw, Catholicism is the second largest denomination in Utah.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Mormons?

> The LdS Church sees all sex outside the bonds of marriage,

Read it and weep, NSA operatives - they've got video too!

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Re: Mormons?

So you believe in a religeon partly based on the Christianity myths, but also the 'Book of Mormon' - that was written by sticking 'seer stones' in a hat?!

And I thought Scientologists were guillible....quality stuff this - you couldn't make it up. Oh - wait.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seer_stone_(Latter_Day_Saints)

Perhaps you would be interested in buying some Power Balance bracelets?

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Re: Mormons?

Pfft, it's easy to sneer TheVogon, but how else would you go about reading reformed Egyptian for goodness sake!

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Re: Mormons?

Even If I did want to try and read an imaginary language, sticking my head in a hat with some rocks isn't very high up the list of how I might try and do it.

However If I wanted to mountebank the gullible, well then perhaps it sounds good...

Just to note "Scholarly reference works on languages do not, however, acknowledge the existence of either a "reformed Egyptian" language or "reformed Egyptian" script as it has been described in Mormon belief. No archaeological, linguistic, or other evidence of the use of Egyptian writing in ancient America has been discovered"

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Devil

Re: Mormons?

They MIGHT have been Mormon, you don't know, they were involved in a sect act!

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Pint

Re: Mormons?

@ P.Lee Have a beer!

Your comment almost gave me a nasal tea wash.

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Holmes

@Arnaut the Less - Re: Mormons?

"With 7 billion people to choose from ... Andy Warhol made the remark about in the future everyone would have fifteen minutes of fame"

Maths was not Warhol's strong point. There are not enough 15 minutes in the remaining existence of the human race for everyone to have that much fame. I would prefer to say that quite a few people get 15 seconds of fame. 15 seconds is, for example, about the time that TV news will spend interviewing a bystander who has just witnessed some disaster or other.

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Distraught!

The love of my life going off and doing it with some ugly guy on a church lawn!

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I said, get off my lawn!

I didn't say, get off on my lawn.

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ARGH!

Better warning needed. You cannot UNSEE pictures like those 2.

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Anonymous Coward

> "failed to follow directions"

... that's pure comedy gold.

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Happy

Why didn't he taser them then? Just because I wonder what the effect of tasering during sex would be?

"Did the earth move for you darling? For me it felt like 10,000 volts shooting between us!"

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Having a bad day, El Reg?

Could have done without the photos.

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Hey Reg, when we said photos or it didn't happen...

We kinda want to take that back now.

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Windows

In the words of Lois Griffin,

Crystal meth is a hell of a drug.

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