back to article Dear Reg: What is a 'Lag' and a 'Jacksey'?

It's Thursday, and we could all do with a bit of light relief at the end of the week, so here is some, in the form of an entertaining email which landed in my inbox earlier this week: To L. Haines, What is a "Lag" ?and what is Jacksey" [sic] ? (article seen on Google TODAY!) Would you be speaking SO RUDELY about a person if …

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Silver badge
Coat

You have got it all wrong....

A lag is what you get after you have drunk 2/5 of your pint of Australian alcoholic beverage ( though that might be a "ger")

And a jacksie is what I use when I want to change the wheelsie on my carsie.

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Anonymous Coward

Tread carefully

Causing offence may one day be a criminal offence!

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Re: You have got it all wrong....

Why would you even have wheels fitted to your bog? Inquiring minds and all that .....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got it all wrong....

Why would you even have wheels fitted to your bog?

Tsk. You're thinking of a khazi, not a carsie.

As for confusing slang, when my dear old dad moved out of London in the 1970s he went to buy fish and chips. Just before paying, he asked if he could have a wally as well. Almost ended in a fight as the chip shop owner thought he was being mocked in some way until my dad pointed out that "wally" is East End slang for a large gherkin (pickled cucumber for non-Brits I suspect).

Then there was the time he went to the doctors complaining about a pain up his aris ...

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Re: Tread carefully

Causing offence may one day be a criminal offence!

If this does indeed become the case, then I shall be doing all I can to bring forward prosecutions for the many things I find offensive, starting with the attitude toward the people of this country of its politicians...

...or maybe common sense will prevail, and people will realise that nobody has the right to not be offended. Offense, is, after all, an internal process originating with the individual experiencing it.

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Re: Tread carefully

Upvoted, specifically this "nobody has the right to not be offended. "

If you don't want to be offended, don't live in a democracy.

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Re: Tread carefully

I thought it was already.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-gloucestershire-26752592

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Re: You have got it all wrong....

"Why would you even have wheels fitted to your bog?"

Well, when you gotta go, you gotta go!

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Boffin

Re: Why would you even have wheels fitted to your bog?

Wheels make it a porta-potty....

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Bronze badge

Re: Tread carefully

But not here, where it's no longer unlawful to be awful:

http://reason.com/blog/2014/03/04/being-willfully-annoying-now-ok-in-mich

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Reminds me...

..of the time I was at police High Tech Crime Unit (HTCU) on business.

This unit had a special area for phone forensics and I saw the two investigators handling every phone they touched with rubber gloves.

When I enquired as to why they wear gloves, one detective replied "you'd be very surprised where some of these phones have been. This one was found "in a female inmate" pointing at a Nokia in an evidence bag. He also informed that they'd also investigated phones found "in male inmates"

It seems as if the "jacksey" is the standard cargo compartment for most things then, from an eighth of cannabis to a phone, but I await the day that ElReg reports that some inmate gets found with a fondleslab in the rear cargo hatch...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Reminds me...

I think that the term is Chatham Pocket

- as someone from Gillingham would know

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Re: Reminds me...

Nowhere near the same level of stomach churning unpleasantness, but I remember one of our Summer interns who was given the task of checking faulty blackberries for water damage (invalidates the warranty).

He was having quite a successful day of it, popping off the backs, checking the indicator tabs and setting aside the red/pink ones. I noticed that he was picking away at his lunch while working his way thru' the pile and I asked him if this was wise.

Initially he didn't grasp what I meant, so I then suggested one of the likely places that the devices fell into water, which isn't a shower or a sink though it can often be found in the same room.

He lost his appetite.

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Re: Reminds me...

"water, which isn't ... a sink though it can often be found in the same room."

You have a toilet in your kitchen?

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Oh, those are easy to answer!

The First is what you're experiencing, complaining to El Reg about an ancient story presented on Google.

The Second is what you're acting like, complaining to El Reg about an ancient story presented on Google.

Now improve the first by pulling your head out of the second.

Ta Daaa! =-D

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Bronze badge
Pint

Well said sir !

have a beer. Most enjoyable response

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Semi serious question ...

What ever happened to the TransAtlantic English Translation tool that Sarah Bee proposed several years ago?

During the meanwhile, a "lag" is a type of bolt. And your "jacksey" is what you probably talk out of most of the time, Cecilia.

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PUBEs

Professionally Upset By Everything.

If this person (gender has not been formally identified) finds 'lag' and 'jacksey' offensive, they're gonna be apopleptic over 'C*ckwomble', F*cknugget' & 'W*nkstain'

Worse than that, they have no contol over their use of the apostrophy. Grammatical heathen.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: PUBEs

Apostrophe abuse is almost as bad as poor spelling.

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Joke

Re: PUBEs

Don't forget Tw*tdangle, from a few years back

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Happy

It's the Register.

You can type the word fuck, or twat! No need to be coy.

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Re: It's the Register.

"Twunt" probably wouldn't please them much either.

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Not prejudice, surely?

The screws wouldn't have banged them up in the slammer unless the beak had already very much formed the opinion that plod had them bang to rights. More like postjudice, really.

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TRT
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Re: Not prejudice, surely?

No, no, I'd have to disagree there. I see prison more as an opportunity to rehabilitate the itinerant individual so that they might rejoin society as a reformed character able to make a worthwhile contribution to the community as a whole.

Naff 'orf? Well really!

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Oh Cecilia!

You're breaking my heart.

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Re: Oh Cecilia!

You're shaking my confidence daily.

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Re: Oh Cecilia!

I down on my knees

I'm begging you please

To STFU and stop embarrassing yourself

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Pint

Re: Oh Cecilia! @Crisp, Symon, Siempre

Classic, bravo! Have you guys thought of forming a harmony ensemble?

Have a beer, just popped one myself now the keyboard is in less danger.

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Given there's over nine million people haunting The Reg, I suspect the depravity is not limited to just the web site staff. :)

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Bronze badge

Was Cecilia from the PR department at Chambers?

Perhaps Jonathon Green's three volume dictionary of slang isn't selling quite so well these days in the face of urbandictionary.com. So an agent has been sending provocative emails in the hope of getting editorial mention that it is available online to subscribers and that there is also an abridged single volume edition in addition to his seminal work, 'Crooked Talk: Five Hundred Years of the Language of Crime.'

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Search terms, pl.

The "offending" article isn't very long; one wonders what Cecilia was searching for when she discovered the report of our hero's charger discomfort. Presumably "lag" and "jacksie" weren't in the search string, since Cecilia is unfamiliar with those terms, so was it "Swaleside Prison"? "drug and phone smuggling"? "cannabis and cocaine"?

Unfortunately, the original story at The Sun and Lester's story are both on the first page of GoogleTM results for "Tony Pile".

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Lags and lagging

Pipe lagging was once the process of protecting water pipes from frost. Now its a term for cons stealing them for the copper.

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Coat

Re: Lags and lagging

So now the coppers are recieving stolen goods too?

I'll pipe down before I come a cropper...

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Silver badge

Pah!

If he/she/it is offended by things like that what about some of our towns and villages?

Dorking (the mildest)

Hucking (not nice)

Throcking (possibly illegal)

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Silver badge
Joke

Careful Lester

If the delightful lady who penned this missive reads this article, I'm afraid you have just trolled her and are now eligible for a 2 year sentence the next time you visit these shores from lovely Spain.

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MrT
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Maybe they need to hide...

...specially modified handsets along with the chargers?

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Where does she get off...

...calling our bloggers "journalists"?

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Thumb Up

"Mobes up jacksies"

Ed's comments:

1. Boy, are you holding it wrong(ly)

2. Maybe the 6-inch monster phone wasn't such a good choice.

3. Gives a new meaning to 'ringtone.'

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