back to article Vote now for the top reader Limerick limerick

A couple of weeks back, we reported on the shock case of the biroless Irish police station which posed a serious threat to public order in Limerick. Judge Eugene O'Kelly heard the case of one miscreant who rolled up at the Henry Street gardaí station "to sign on as a condition of his bail relating to a separate matter". He was …

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kryptonaut for outstanding use of "judiciary".

No contest.

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Joke

A limerick by definition

must contain a naughty word or phrase...they all fail

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Anonymous Coward

Re: A limerick by definition

No, ideally a limerick should contain the *threat* of a rude word ...

There was a young bohemian monk

who went to sleep in a bunk

he dreamt that Venus

was stroking his elbow

and woke up all covered in perspiration

or

There was a young lady from Bude

who went for a swim in a lake

a man in a punt

stuck his pole in the water

and said "You can't swim here, it's private".

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Re: A limerick by definition

A limerick packs laughs anatomical

In space that is quite economical

But the good ones I've seen

So seldom are clean

And the clean ones so seldom are comical

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Re: A limerick by definition

A lady was swimming quite nude

When her clothes by the wind were all strewed

Then a man came along

And unless I am wrong

You expected this line to be lewd

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Anonymous Coward

Over the misty mountains cold

in dungeons deep and caverns old

. we must away

. ere break of day

to seek our pale enchanted gold

Sorry, nothing to do with the story but I think the film would have had a different tone if the dwarfs' song on the trailers had been done in limerick form

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An epic Limerick or a Limerick Epic

either way, full marks to Bob Duncan.

It kind of reminded me of reading "The Cremation of Sam McGee"

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Happy

Bob Duncan

Effort alone.

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Chris Hunt seems to be the only entrant who can count syllables and understands stress.

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Scansion

Nick Bunyan's entry also scans correctly, and is a Limerick to my ears.

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Re: Scansion

Too many syllables in the first line. You have to run "said the" together to make it fit.

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Anonymous Coward

Quantity != Quality

I admire Bob's effort for it's length, but bad rhymes (on/own), incorrect rhythm, using the same rhymes multiple times (fail/jail & bad/lad) and the lack of any really clever wordplay means there are far better entries here, in my opinion. I can't understand why it's getting so many votes.

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Late to the party

There once was a guardi from Limerick

Whom the crims did complain of in the nik

As when signing papers

All he offered was tater's

when all they really needed was a bic

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When forced to sign-in for his bail,

In Limerick nick's poxy gaol,

The penless parolee

Lost all self-control, he

Tried to 'punch-in' instead. Gardai Fail!

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Hmm.

.

There was a Gard station in Eire

Whose attitude was churlish and quare

When miscreants came to sign

The form's dotted line

No signing implements were there to share.

.

.

Now the judge he got into a rage

When he saw the blank dots on the page

He ordered the coppers

To act right and proper

To supply the service they reneged

.

.

Afore the judge the very next day

Was a crim who got carried away

The form oh superior

Was shoved up the posterior

Of a cop who the judge had gainsayed.

.

.

Now the moral of this hullabaloo

Should be plain unto me and to you

Keep your hand on your bic

And maybe your p***k

When a cop shop you visit one day

.

.

Right it is a slow day here and I am working from office number 2 (bar). I will get my Sombrero and poncho.

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Anonymous Coward

Limerick taboo subjects

From having lived in Limerick for a while, I can say that the one subject more taboo there than gang crime or the nickname "stab city" is five-line light verse.

("Angela's Ashes" is also gets an honourable non-mention.)

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Re: Limerick taboo subjects

Gawd Limerick. The home of the fast food chain "Abra Kastabra".

Do not mention the K******s !!!

There was a very funny couple of vids on youtube years ago poking fun at the fine people of Limerick city.

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Anonymous Coward

El Reg sought submissions poetic,

results proving strongly emetic.

The results failed to please

and brought us to our knees,

as the rhymes were more chthonic than epic.

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Pint

Der was an old woman from Limerick (Leeds)

who swallowed a packet of seeds

a turf of grass

grew out her ar*e

and she could not sh*te for weeks.

(well, nobody said it had to be original)

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Happy

Well if you can have any limerick, I have to use my favourite, which I heard from Peter Jones:

There was a young man from Torbay,

Who sailed off to China one day.

He was lashed to the tiller,

By a sex-crazed gorilla.

And the far East's a very long way...

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WTF?

Contributions gratefully discarded

Oh well, if we're doing free-form limerick contributions, I have several in this vein:

A buxom young cannibal from Towcester

Was a great and inveterate bowcester

Her friends cried “Enough!

We are tired of such stough:

Let’s make up a fire, and we’ll rowcester”

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Anonymous Coward

I noted with evident glee

the limerick contest you see

but more joy was diffused

with each rule abused

why can't anyone use the right fucking meter?

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There once was a poet sublime

Who had mastered rhythm and rhyme

But his limericks, they tend

To come to an end

Quite suddenly.

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