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back to article GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

The middle of North America was overrun by terrifying swarms of enormous flesh-eating demon chickens some 66 million years ago, scientists have declared. Credit: Courtesy Bob Walters Devilish, yes ... but presumably we're talking about a really serious drumstick here “It was a giant raptor, but with a chicken-like head and …

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Massive Cock

is presumably what the male chickenosaurus is called.

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Re: Massive Cock

Cockosaurus ?

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Re: Massive Cock

Wangoptimus surely?

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Re: Massive Cock

"Wangoptimus surely?"

Wangoptimus Prime, FTFY...

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Re: Massive Cock

Biggus Dickus

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Mmmmm....

They look tasty.... perfect for a Griswall xmas.

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Pint

Re: Mmmmm....

As extensively researched by yours truly and backed up by Mr. E. Cartman, the skin is the best part of roast/ fried chicken. Having a giant chicken vastly reduces the all-important skin:meat ratio. Better 10,000 modern chickens than 1 giganto-paleo-chicken of equivalent weight.

And beer to wash it down of course

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Not original

In the book "Jurassic Park", one of the characters describes Utahraptor as a giant carnivorous turkey. Just goes to show, scale matters. A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up to 500 lb (or we were scaled down to 5 lb).

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Re: Not original

A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up to 500 lb...

You mean like a tiger?!

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Alert

Re: Not original

and (male) lions

lions & tigers and bears^W chickens oh my

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Happy

Re: Not original

A domestic pussy cat would be terrifying if it was scaled up

It's been done already :)

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

MrT
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Re: Done already...

...pity the loss of the Post Office Tower...

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Re: Not original

"You mean like a tiger?!"

Yes, that was exactly my point. I'm glad you understand.

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Joke

In Soviet Russia...

Chicken eat you for dinner!!

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Satanic flesh-eating chickens???

Can't have been Satanic, Satan hadn't been invented then.

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Re: Satanic flesh-eating chickens???

That's what he wants you to think so we all end up in hell for not believing!

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Heresy

"Presumably even human beings - had there been any about at the time - would count as "small" in this context."

What do you mean - "had there been any"???

Is this not proof enough (mildly NSFW)?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Heresy

Obviously the Creation Museum has upped its game in its attempt to get the younger generation on board.

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Re: Heresy

Next frame: Cockosaurus saves the day.

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Anonymous Coward

Anzu wyliei

I imagine it's like roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote combined.

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Happy

Re: Anzu wyliei

The coyote would take one look at this and do a roadrunner impression heading away from it!

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Anonymous Coward

Speed and intelligence

One thing I do wonder about these dinosaurs is how fast and how intelligent they actually were. Although I know that there is no inherent bias in natural selection towards either (survival of the fittest does not mean that going to the gym increases survival chances) I do wonder if the evolutionary arms race was at a less advanced stage then.

It may be that, like frogs, their brains were basically movement or smell sensitive, and that simply standing still would have caused them to lose interest and wander off. It may be that humans could simply out walk them if they were poikilothermic and so would overheat after a bit.

In any case, I think the "Hell" epithet is unproven.

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Re: Speed and intelligence

Lets play this game. Which would you rather be hunted by, a giant turkey demon with catlike speed and high intelligence, or a car sized frog that acts as an ambush predator?

One of them will try and chase you down, but having no knowledge of "shotguns" means this is a battle humans might win. The other sits invisibly buried in mud and bushes, until you take one careful step and it infallibly nails you with a twenty metre long paralytic stickytongue.

Edit: one of my friends almost got his paladin killed the second way playing D&D. GM ruled that an Infravision Helm wouldn't give a detection bonus to a cold blooded animal in the mud...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Speed and intelligence

I didn't understand your third paragraph at all, but a frog is an evolved predator that has to function in a world of small, fast birds and mammals as well as insects and other invertebrates. Natural selection has resulted in efficient predation in its ecological niche.

My question was about whether, at the epoch in question, aviform dinosaurs would have been fast or intelligent. We don't know. (modern bird brains are more efficient, size for size, than mammal brains, so in the absence of completely preserved soft tissue only speculation is possible.)

We don't know whether, in terms of its period, this thing was a chicken, a vulture, or a sparrowhawk.

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It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use.

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It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use.

You mean like a tiger?!

;-)

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"It's just a bigger version of the chickens KFC use."

KFC uses chicken?

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It all looks the same when ground up to a delicious pink 'paste'...

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No need. They're still using wangoptimus flesh which is why archaeologists only ever find the bones.

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...said the rather confused Chuferix to her wangoptimus partner after a pointless row at the deli counter.

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MrT
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KFC dinochicken? The picture's wrong then...

...because I only see 1 pair of legs, it's not eating waste packages, nor regurgitating KFC cardboard hats and passing barbecue beans...

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To (mis)quote police chief Brody; "You're gonna need a bigger beer can!"

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Previously depicted on the webcomic sluggy freelance

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WTF???

Flesh-eating demon chickens? Chicken from hell???? Demonic gobblers???

Did El Reg get sucked into the Murdoch Zone?

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Giant Demon Chickens

I've seen 'em.

1971 it was

They may have been chemically induced

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Re: Giant Demon Chickens

Or where you referring to Atomic Rooster (British)?

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Casawary not chicken?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOPVVdg8noc

A smaller relative that didn't go extinct? Still has feet designed for disembowelling.

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the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

Lewis, the tiny chickens of today aren’t inoffensive, at least from an olfactory perspective.

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Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

I used to keep horses, goats, a couple of cows and about 80 chickens, even hens can be quite pugnacious when broody but the biscuit taker was a Leghorn rooster that belonged to a breeder I used to buy chickens and chicks from.

He was about 80cm high had razor sharp spurs 2 1/2" long and would go for anything/body that entered his pen, a damn good thing he wasn't 15 feet long!

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Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

I once had the misfortune to be staying a night on a farm when one of the chicken barns caught alight. c5000 roasted alive chickens is not a nice sight or a nice smell.

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404
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Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

Yep, Lewis is incorrect here. I've got a rooster that has attacked the wife and daughter, little fucker goes for the eyes with his spurs.

fyi: There is such a thing as a chicken tractor, upper level for nesting and laying, lower fenced-in part so they can be 'outside'. You move it every three or four days and it greens up the yard nicely. Negligible smell this way as opposed to a traditional chicken coop. Eggs taste better too.

;)

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Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

Speaking as somebody who's actually raised chickens in North Dakota... they're really not that big anymore. :-)

Seriously though, as others have mentioned already, chickens are not inoffensive or, more accurately, non-offensive. If one chicken somehow becomes bloodied, say through accident or laying an egg a bit too large for the exit, the others will go completely cannibalistic and absolutely rip that one apart. Small critters like mice and frogs do not live long amongst chickens either.

Chickens will go as bonkers as any shark to the smell of blood and the taste of raw meat.

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Coat

Re: the inoffensive, tiny chickens of today

Chickens will go as bonkers as any shark to the smell of blood and the taste of raw meat.

Why, oh why, oh why haven't the James Bond producers used this/

"Number 2, you have failed me for the last time!" [presses switch on desk, trapdoor opens]

What would Bond's line be, as he pushes a henchmen into the chicken pen, during his escape from the evil lair I wonder?

"Clucking hell!"

"What a fowl trick?"

"They were looking a bit peckish"

I'd better stop now, before I go pun-crazy.

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Coat

El Pollo Diablo* ?

Curiously enough our local supermarket has cement mixers in the aisle next to the cooking implements.

It's the one draped over the 100 kg bag of sage and onion stuffing.

* "...and more slaw! ... they never give you enough slaw with these value meals."

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Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

My exact first thought too! Very recently introduced my 10 year old to Curse of Monkey Island, has had us in stiches all over again. Some things never get old!

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Flame

Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

@ Blofeld's Cat

Finally a use for the CostCo 5 gallon drum of barbecue sauce!!

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Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

It's a good job these giant chickens occured in places where the potato also grew. I know there was some nice giant vegetation back then, I really hope someone finds a fossilized giant 'tater.

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