back to article Actually, there is an Arapaho word for 'pliers'

The Vulture Central backroom boys are running around like headless chickens following the revelation that our new BuzzGasm feed is not functioning to the high standards of factual accuracy our demanding readers expect. For those of you not familiar with BuzzGasm, the El Reg Strategy Boutique describes it as "an automated …

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Journalistic Integrity

I, for one, applaud The Register for owning up to a journalistic failing. The never-ending quest for accurate reporting was certainly shown in this public admission of falsehood being presented as fact.

As it stands, I do hope that the appropriate sanctions have been applied to Mr Haines. May I suggest an in depth study of the rise of the paper clip? If that isn't considered enough of a punishment, how about the rise and fall of Clippy?

I feel that some form of punishment should be applied to ensure that the Intertubes continue to reflect the truth, dignity and above all, integrity, currently upheld across the Interweb.

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: Journalistic Integrity

I'm rather glumly looking at a box of paper-clips as we speak.

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

Don't be glum! The paper clip is an all time engineering design classic. There are more patent applications for an 'improved paper fastening device' than anything else.

Curiously, the Arapaho word for Patent Troll also happens to be tooyo'oenoo'.

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Re: Re: Journalistic Integrity

I'm trying to keep my chin up, but paper-clips simply don't inspire in the way pliers do. I am currently trying to get an Arapaho translation for "stuff this for a lark, it's pub o'clock".

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Boffin

Re: Journalistic Integrity

"The paper clip is an all time engineering design classic. "

But will there be a need for paperclips once everyone has got rid of optical drives?

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

They are handy for releasing the SIM card trays on modern fangled smart phones.

Maybe an article on other uses for paper clips?

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Mission creep ?

Surely someone with your experience could broaden your brief to include drawing pins, staples, and by inclusion various tapes ? Meaning you get to play with parcel tape guns and staple guns ? That's the rest of the day sorted.

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

>Maybe an article on other uses for paper clips?

Resetting / restoring routers?

It's worth noting that some of the advanced uses for a paper clip require the intervention of a pair of pliers.

If you need to hold some papers together and can't find a paper clip, you can use a pair of pliers and an elastic band to achieve the same. The pliers will double as a paper weight. An additional bonus is that they won't jam the sheet feeder in a multi-page photocopier.

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Paper clip Vs Pliers

Another situation in which I have used pliers instead of a paper clip:

Needing to restore a router to factory settings, I used a pair of pliers to 'nibble' a larger hole in the plastic casing so that the reset microswitch could be accessed with a screwdriver.

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Stop

Re: Journalistic Integrity

Having in the past removed a pair of pliers from a document feeder, I can attest that they will in fact jam one.

As will school exercise books, rivets, dead mice and wasps (all things I have removed from photocopiers).

Is there an Arapaho word for photocopier?

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> I'm rather glumly looking at a box of paper-clips as we speak.

I think you're writing a letter!

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

>Having in the past removed a pair of pliers from a document feeder, I can attest that they will in fact jam one.

I can see how that happened. After all, photocopiers have a sticker on them telling people to remove paperclips from their papers, but Xerox et al have neglected to place 'No Pliers' stickers on their machines.

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

Another use for a paperclip:

Should you need to use an ATX power supply without a motherboard, you can jump start one by shorting pin 16 (which usually has a green wire) to earth (any of the black wires).

A bent paper clip is perfect for this, leaving you free to test your watercooling pump, or use a fan as a vacuum cleaner without having to power up the entire computer.

>>> needs a McGuyver icon.

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Terminator

Re: Mission creep ?

>Meaning you get to play with parcel tape guns and staple guns

Hmm.. staple guns..

<Drifts off into memory, winces..>

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Journalistic Integrity

Attaboy! A proper old-school hack. 9:00AM = Pub-O'Clock

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Go

Re: Journalistic Integrity

Uses for paper clips was a list we had to make at some seminar I went to with my father many years ago. I was the only one in the room who said you could use a paper clip to short circuit and bypass a security system (specifically a DELL laptop if IIRC).

Can we PLEASE make a new list? Security system short circuits aside.

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Joke

paper-clips simply don't inspire in the way pliers do

So says 'Mad' Lester Haines.

(Friend and close associate of the terrible twins - Potts and Orlowski.)

Hard to torture someone with a paper clip.

Then again.

If they've annoyed you enough. OUCH!

Best not think about it. Do unto others and all that..

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Re: Journalistic Integrity

> They (paperclips) are handy for releasing the SIM card trays on modern fangled smart phones.

Not on my phone (Nexus 5). Or maybe I have particularly heavy gauge paperclips, because the diameter is too great to fit in the little SIM-tray-eject doofus hole.

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Unhappy

Is there an Arapaho word for this?

When working in any confined space why is the tool that I need behind me?

And how the hell did it get there when I only just put it down?

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

There's no word in any language for that. Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

"Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet."

Actually, I think you will find there is: 'Magic'

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Re: Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

I don't believe in magic. There's an identifiable process at work here, even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

>And how the hell did it get there when I only just put it down

All tools have legs. You can guarantee that of the time spent on any job, 95% will be looking for tools you've just put down.

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Pint

Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

Clarke's third law states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Take brewing for example...

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

" Similarly, there's no term to describe the process by which a screwdriver, when placed momentarily out of view in a sealed room, with no means of escape, can disappear forever from the face of the planet."

Maybe not a name -- but there is a Goddess.:

"The minor goddess of Things That Stick in Drawers, Anoia is praised by rattling a drawer and crying "How can it close on the damned thing but not open with it? Who bought this? Do we ever use it?" As she says, sooner or later every curse is a prayer. She also eats corkscrews and is responsible for Things Down The Backs of Sofas, and is considering moving into stuck zips. The Maccalariat family of Ankh-Morpork have been Anoians for five generations. She is not part of the number of gods praised at the Temple of Small Gods, but instead has a freelance priestess who also serves for various other minor deities. Thud! refers to a painting of Anoia Rising From The Cutlery."

Since this was posted on Wiki she (sorry) She has also diversified as more people have found they are actually follower after all..

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

"even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding."

It's about bloody time you 'knowalls' admitted that science can't tell you everything.

It is the Beginning of your Journey in to Light.

(caps are obligatory)

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

Also pens are sentient and escape via wormholes to a Sanctuary planet.

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Alien

Obligatory Pratchett quote

Clarke's third law states that "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Ah, Yes but "Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology" - Pratchett

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Sanctuary planet...

I've never heard my workmates' desks called that before!

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

No, but there is a pertinent corollary to Murphy's Law. To wit:

"Any dropped tool will roll to the most inaccessible corner of the shop - often striking your toes on the way down."

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Devil

Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

While attempting to put up a fence the other day I was mystified by where my hammer had gone. It was there the previous day. All the other tools were still there, but the hammer (a vital tool, obviously) was nowhere to be seen. Now I'm well aware of the behaviour of tools, so I naturally assumed it would turn up when I picked up the spirit level, or turned over the concrete-mixing tub, or whatever. But no, there was no hammer to be found anywhere. So the day passed with little fence-putting-up being done in between searches for the hammer and much cursing.

Come 5pm, and the wife returns home and sneaks into the garage clutching a hammer. "I hope you didn't need this today, I just borrowed it to put up a picture at work... ". There is no Arapaho for my thoughts at that point.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

"I don't believe in magic. There's an identifiable process at work here, even it has extradimensional properties beyond current scientific understanding."

It's clear to any right thinking individual that screwdrivers and other tools that go missing are not really tools at all, but are the protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intellegent pan-dimensional beings.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

I'm sure Mr. Prattchett must have coined one; and, if he hasn't, he'll probably do so soon (Alzheimer's permitting…)

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

ISS story about pliers:

One of the astronauts was explaining that it was incredibly difficult to find things, even though the ISS is a relatively small contained volume and you KNOW they're in there somewhere. He put a pair of pliers on the table - "now your brain is instinctively expecting it to be like that, in a sensible spot on a table, so you can look at it and instantly go, ah! there's my pliers!"

He held the pliers in the air at a wacky angle "however, if they're floating in zero-gee like this, at some wacky angle, your brain won't quickly recognize them, even though they're only a meter away. very frustrating."

Well, I thought it was a cool story, bro.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

Silly you. Those screw drivers do not disappear forever. They morph into those single socks found in the dryer which I hope everyone knows are the larval stage of wire coat hangers. It's true because C3P0 said so. Or was it Marvin? Anyway, the next time you're missing a screw driver look in the dryer and if you find no single sock check the closet for a wire coat hanger.

RE language: vegetarian - Hopi Indian word for bad hunter.

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Re: Is there an Arapaho word for this?

"It's true because C3P0 said so. Or was it Marvin?"

I think it was Hugo Rune.

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Joke

Linguistics is such a fascinating subject...

For instance, it has been speculated that in yet another dialect, the South-Arapaho "Chaka Demus" is actually pronounced "Chaka Khan", which offers a fascinating insight into the suspected origin of the well known "KHAAAAAAAAAN!" exclamation - clearly a result of a pliers-related skin pinch...

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Nelson

"It didn't take our beloved commentards long to point out that pliers are called tooyo'oenoo' in Northern Arapaho. This brilliantly translates as "they bite", which they certainly do."

In light of the recent discovery that there is, indeed, a suitable word in Arapahoe can I just say

"HA HA!"

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Re: Nelson

Minnehaha shirley?

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Linux

Re: Nelson

Arapaho might not even be a completely dead language. So new words might get added to it even now. It happens with less obscure languages so why not Arapaho too?

There may even be an Arapaho term for "plasma conduit".

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Coat

@Lester

You don't believe in magic?

Then how do you explain the mystical properties of Psychic Sally?

*the one with ....i'm seeing an old man beginning with S or it might be P and he's in my pocket!

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Devil

Don't blame the server!

"...while we take the tooyo'oenoo' to the BuzzGasm server."

Surely it would be more appropriate to take the tooyo'oenoo' to Mr Haines?

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Meh

Shouldn't that be

nenee toyóób or nenee ko'oot - just saying.

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Coat

...but do they come in 'sonic'?

Sorry....suffering from Doctor Who withdrawal.

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Anonymous Coward

moth balls

When I were a lad at school, if you were naughty and 'got done', a certain geography teacher would make you write a descriptive essay entitled 'The Interior of a Ping-Pong Ball'. Of course, once you handed it in, said geography would tear it up in front of you without reading it.

It sounds like it could be incredibly boring and soul destroying but was said to be remarkably good at nurturing creative writing skills. It obviously didn't work on me.

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Re: moth balls

reminds of Jack Dees suggestion that wicker basket making is to keep mentally ill patients busy. One room makes a load of wicker baskets which are then taken to the next room to be dismantled ....

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Hold a chicken in the air

All this mention of Arapaho has unfortunately reminded me of the old Spitting Image Chicken Song ("learn to speak Arapaho"). Can Lester please stick a deck-chair up his nose as punishment for this?

Although the line "Then extract your wisdom teeth" does bring us back to the subject of pliers...

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Happy

but side-cutters are STILL pliers

Side-cutting pliers, but still pliers.

Not much different from long-nose or needle-nose pliers; with or without cutter.

Slip-joint pliers, locking pliers, lineman pliers, fence pliers, they're all good.

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Mushroom

Re: but side-cutters are STILL pliers

Burn the heretic!

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Heresy ?

Heresy ?

Pliers are such a legacy tool. While I will accept they can be useful to remove nails (sometimes) I cannot remember the last time I used mine (pliers).

Pliers never open enough to grip the thing you need to grip. They slip when you can grip something resulting in pain and profanity.

I much prefer my collection of mole grips and forceps.

What do you use your pliers for?

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