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back to article Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

I am a very lucky man: Amazon is offering me a 20 per cent discount. The cynics among you might try to claim that everything at Amazon is offered at a 20 per cent discount because of its advantageous tax arrangements but that would be the result of confusion. My 20 per cent discount has nothing to do with VAT being 20 per cent …

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The cynics among you might try to claim that everything at Amazon is offered at a 20 per cent discount because of its advantageous tax arrangements

No, I'd claim Amazon was offering everything at a 16.667% discount.

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Anonymous Coward

Interesting, is that why Amazon continually send me suggestions for things I had already bought from them?

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They keep sending me suggestions of printers to put my ink cartridges into.

If I'd bought a printer, then selling the ink would make sense, but people don't buy ink, then wonder where they might get a printer that it works in.

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They keep sending me suggestions of printers to put my ink cartridges into.

Considering the MTBF for commodity ink-jet printers, this makes perfect sense. You've bought them in the past, so you're likely to buy one again. Probably in the near future.

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But, but, but

You're not buying what they want you to buy!

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If you don't want the reduced price nappies, can I have them?

Renewable expenses with babies are a killer.

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Cloth nappies FTW

As long as you're not on a water meter, cloth nappies work out cheaper in the long run (well, they did for us 7 years ago).

Plus you get a seemingly inexhaustible supply of dusters, napkins etc for the following years.

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Re: Cloth nappies FTW

> As long as you're not on a water meter

Yeah, there's the issue.

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Re: Cloth nappies FTW

err, do your guests know you are making them wipe their mouths and hands on used nappies?

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Childcatcher

Re: Cloth nappies FTW

Oi don't encourage people to put everyones bill up!

Think of the Grown Ups!

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Re: Cloth nappies FTW

quote: "err, do your guests know you are making them wipe their mouths and hands on used nappies?"

I spot a distinct lack of trust in standardised washing processes (including machinery and detergents). They are good enough for me, and I would happily use a freshly washed cloth regardless of it's previous role.

I also happily eat sausages and drink tap water though, so YMMV ^^;

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Re: Cloth nappies FTW

We tried cloth nappies with our first son, 5 years ago. Really, we did. We were pro-planet, cloth is better for baby, who cares about the initial cost because we save money in the long run parents.

But, he would soak the nappies and any clothes he was wearing at the time.

That doesn't sound too bad, except he did this almost hourly. Even with the extra inserts and the "waterproof" cover.

Disposable worked out cheaper because with them we managed to keep our sanity.

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"inexhaustible supply of dusters, napkins etc"

Mug's Law ensures that as soon as you re-deploy the old nappies you won't need any more, the stork visits with an unexpected blessing.

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I think the nappies is explainable

I think Amazon has realized from your spending pattern, that you've reached that midlife crisis point in life where you consider getting a motorbike or a flashy car, decide against it but instead get a mistress, are a bit careless, and have a second litter.

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What they think they know

> Amazon, Google and all the others have been assiduously tracking, carefully storing and relentlessly re-using information about us.... for years

And still they make a total balls-up of analysing it. So imagine what a mess a government run tracking scheme would be. Without even the incentive for getting it right, of making a profit?

Yet this is what we get. With all the surveillance, meta-data, guilt by association and treating all their citizens like criminals: even before they start correlating the data they get from our everyday activities.

They say that if you have done nothing wrong, then you have nothing to hide. The problem, as this example illustrates, isn't that the bad things you (may) have done will come to light - it's the incorrect conclusions and false-positives that get drawn from poorly analysed data collections. Even from the world's best commercial operators.

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Angel

Big Data is a scam.

They et al. do not know anything about you. And why should they? As long as the advertisers believe the Big Data talk, They et al. make money.

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This post has been deleted by its author

clearly you're just holding the internet wrong

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It's no worse than some of the spam I've been getting.

'Are you unhappy with your breast size?'

I'm a man not a woman, and whilst I know I'm overweight this is pushing things a little... :)

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Oddly enough

I rarely get breast enlargement spam. Plenty of penis enhancers and "natural testosterone" spam though.

Maybe the spammers know something that I don't. Have I really been deluded thinking I was a woman for the last 40-odd years?

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Re: Oddly enough

<snip>

"Maybe the spammers know something that I don't. Have I really been deluded thinking I was a woman for the last 40-odd years?"

My favorite spam of all time was about twenty three years ago. It was a spam arranging a dating club with people that had herpes ! A commendable act I thought but where did they get my address from?

I don't get spam any more! is that sad?

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Are you sure it's the wrong conclusion ?

Because your wife (or one of your kids) might be pregnant.

Hence the discount... ;-)

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Re: Are you sure it's the wrong conclusion ?

Indeed.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/kashmirhill/2012/02/16/how-target-figured-out-a-teen-girl-was-pregnant-before-her-father-did/

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Re: Are you sure it's the wrong conclusion ?

Absolutely.

Amazon has clearly determined that your progeny are now of child bearing age, and therefore are making you this offer to help you support your grandchildren...

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Anonymous Coward

Perhaps...

Or maybe someone else browsed Amazon on your computer... and by the way, your wife has some important news to tell you...

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Re: Perhaps...

That's the problem with Amazon recommendations and advertising - if I only bought stuff for myself I guess their only failing would be for things I'd just bought, e.g. why keep pushing TV adverts at me when I've just bought a brand new TV from you?

However, the reality is that my Amazon purchase history is a mish-mash of personal purchases, things I've brought for work, things my kids or relatives have asked me to buy for them, presents I've bought for people ranging from babies to 80+ year olds. No wonder Amazon's targeted ads seem to be aimed at the wrong target!

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Anonymous Coward

Facebook's no better

I am against nuke plants, vehemently, or anything nuke and I am a Brit ... facebook served me an ad for a career on a nuke carrier (the US navy) ... Now, I don't fancy killing kids from the "safe haven" that is a nuke carrier, thank you very much.

As for Amazon, they always serve me ads for stuff I recently purchased and, obviously, have no need to purchase again - the MUM5 works a treat, not sure why anyone would want a second one ... No I do not have ad block, I click on the ads to help finance my favorite websites (el Reg included) ;-)

Will I get a bonus from el reg ? No, shit, I'm anon ... oh well ...

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Re: Facebook's no better

Well... i'm pretty sure Amazon doesn't sell anything nuke...

Ebay on the other hand...

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Re: i'm pretty sure Amazon doesn't sell anything nuke...

Yes they do:

http://www.amazon.com/uranium-contains-Uraninite-radiation-detector/dp/B00CQ9LLR4/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1394809279&sr=8-2&keywords=uranium

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Re: Facebook's no better

" Will I get a bonus from el reg ? No, shit, I'm anon ... oh well ... "

You only think you are anonymous. ElReg knows your login handle/password, which is required to post here. In turn, they are tied to your current IP address (by definition). You are not as anon as you (seem to) think you are.

HTH, HAND weekend :-)

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Paris Hilton

You do realize that all the criticisms you had about spotify are clearly untargeted ads EVERYONE sees, right?

They're not saying "you would like this".

They're saying "these are CURRENTLY TRENDING AND ARE REALLY POPULAR".

Are you sure you're actually the only one to recieve this nappy discount? I can't take the premise of the article seriously anymore.

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Thats exactly why they are even more annoying than the targetted ads

It's as if when you went into a restaurant the waiter always recommended boiled rice - because it is very popular with a billion people in China or India

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>> I can't take the premise of the article seriously anymore

I'm gutted.

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Happy

re:"I am against nuke plants, vehemently..."

At least Amazon don't try to sell you new-fangled stocking looms or anything like that...

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I always wondered why, on the Sci-Fi channel of all things,

Every second advert was for make-up products..?

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Re: I always wondered why, on the Sci-Fi channel of all things,

Because the Otaku like cosplay.

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Re: I always wondered why, on the Sci-Fi channel of all things,

Because the men who watch the Sci-Fi channel are spectacularly bad at buying presents for women.

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Re: I always wondered why, on the Sci-Fi channel of all things,

Thanks for that revelation, Squander Two...

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I find that nappies

soak up the blood incredibly well.....anyone? Nope? just me then!

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Pirate

Re: I find that nappies

Sanitary napkins work even better. Tampons, with their applicators, can even help staunch a deep puncture wound.

Although, if you are using a full-sized nappy to soak up the blood, I don't think first-aid is your goal.

Carry on.

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Re: I find that nappies

staunch a deep puncture wound

staunch /stɔːn(t)ʃ/ adjective Very loyal and committed in attitude.

The word you are thinking of is "stanch".

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Re: I find that nappies

Or, if you bother to read the second definition that a 5 second dictionary search brings up:

staunch2 verb (staunches, staunched, staunching) to stop the flow of (something, such as blood from a wound, information, gossip, etc).

ETYMOLOGY: 13c: from French estanchier.

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Re: I find that nappies

"Sanitary napkins work even better. Tampons, with their applicators, can even help staunch a deep puncture wound."

<snip>

Sanitary towels are great for wounds, good for keeping sweat out of eyes in tropical climates and jungle. Tampons are superb for puncture wounds and particularly bullet wounds. Brown unbleached ones are best due to TSS but any port in a storm.

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Re: I find that nappies

At last, a vampire who cares.

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Re: I find that nappies

Hmm, an American correcting English on an British web site? I had to look up the word stanch as I'd never come across it before, thought something was amiss when firefox put a red wiggly line underneath it, this is what google had to say:

stanch1

stɔːn(t)ʃ,stɑːn(t)ʃ/

verb

US

1.

variant spelling of staunch2.

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Re: I find that nappies

@gloucester Are you using the Humpty-Dumpty Words Means Whatever I Want Dictionary? This is what I find in reputable sources. And, no, I haven't omitted a second definition from further down the page.

OED 1. Very loyal and committed in attitude and 2. (Of a wall) of strong or firm construction.

Cambridge always loyal in supporting a person, organization, or set of beliefs or opinions.

Collins 1. loyal, firm, and dependable, 2. solid or substantial in construction, 3. (rare) (of a ship, etc) watertight; seaworthy

Merriam-Webster 1a : watertight, sound, 1b strongly built: substantial, 2 steadfast in loyalty or principle.

I'm afraid my knowledge of Old French isn't as good as yours, but some dictionaries appear to concur in your view that "staunch" derives from a 13C verb meaning "to stanch". If people are going to post to El Reg in archaic foreign languages, it would help to add some indication of which language they are using.

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Temporal error

I find google is excelling at pushing ads for things I bought yesterday, which really is not much of a trick.

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Re: Temporal error

Not just the same thing, but often from the same supplier.

Its this that proves that targetted advertising is utterly pointless. In a world where we can search for stuff we know we want there is no point showing adverts for that stuff. I'd guess it has a higher click-through rate, however I'd expect the actual extra sales generated to be less than random ads that actually stood a chance of showing you something you weren't already going to buy anyway and may not even have known you wanted (or that it existed).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "pushing ads for things I bought yesterday"

Ah, but if the ad-service can lose the detailed time-ordering when reporting, the vendor might see an apparent higher hit-rate for their ads: ad pushed (afterwards) to a buyer might easily be mis-analysed as an ad pushed to someone who bought ... especially if the vendor doesn't have access to detailed buyer/ad-target data. This would make the ads seem more useful than they are, and so help to encourage future ad orders..

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c3

Joke's on you

When you find out your daughter is pregnant.

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