Our piece yesterday on the Irish judge who got a tad shirty about a certain Limerick cop shop's lack of biros prompted a less than expected level of lyricism from our beloved commentards. Surely, if there were ever an occasion to lovingly craft a snappy Limerick, this was it, so we're disappointed to report that just two readers …
My dad's from Limerick
An unreasonable head beak from Limerick
went completely ballistic
the cops had no pens
the perps and their friends
thought the whole thing was terrific
There once was a judge named O'Kelly,
Who couldn't placate his big belly;
He ate all the things,
Pencils, police pens and pins,
and washed it all down with mint jelly.
In Limerick town the judiciary
Decided to no longer issue the
Warrants for bail
If the constables failed
To purchase their pens more efficiently
I reckon a good limerick ought to have terminal two-syllable rhymes in the first, second and fifth lines, and the third and fourth lines must also properly rhyme. If you can arrange for anapestic meter, (short-short-long) that's all to the good.
This needs some serious thought!
Those directly affected by this...
...would surely recite the World's Dirtiest Limerick when confronted by the pen shortage - the one thats so dirty that the words "blankety blank" have to be substituted for the most offensive bits and the reader has to fill in the (blankety) blanks.
Blankety blankety blank
Blankety blankety blank
Blankety river of shit
A hopping mad justice from Limerick
Thundered “Dammit, you coppers, you make me sick!
Make damn sure next time
A bloke’s bailed for a crime
You get off your arse and pass him a Bic.”
I'll come in again...
Said Justice O’Kelly of Limerick
“Are you plods malicious or blimmin’ thick?
I’ve told you before
Just who lays down the law
Now go get a biro and make it quick.”
A perp was brought into the jail,
with intent to be held without bail.
But the cops had no pens
to write down the offense.
Cried the judge in disgust, "Utter fail!".
A quick effort
A judge, who was surely no tyro
Was incensed by the lack of a biro
In the Limerick nick,
He said: sort it out quick!
Or you'll soon be collecting your Giro
The most dumbfounded beak in all Limerick
Concluded “This copper’s no timid hick,
But witholding a pen
To book someone again?
He must mistake me for a dimmer mick.”
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