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back to article Frenchman eyes ocean domination with floating, mobile Bond villain lair

A French plan for oceanic domination is shaping up nicely with the news that construction is poised to begin on the SeaOrbiter vessel as early as Spring 2014. Artist's impression of the SeaOrbiter SeaOrbiter: Oceanic domination ahoy Described as "the only vessel in the world allowing a 24h/24 exploration on long-term …

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WTF?

Hmm...

Hasn't El Reg already covered the Steve Jobs statue story?

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Devil

Maginot

Wow, a Maginot Line-like thing at sea. Looks great in calm waters. My money is that it won't fare so well in a North Atlantic storm.

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Bronze badge

Re: Maginot

Have a look at RV Flip.

Vertical vessels with deep draughts and a small cross-section exposed at wave level are remarkably stable and have some niche scientific applications where you want a really stable instrument platform.

In terms of "sail area", this is relatively streamlined compared to the slab side of a supertanker.

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Headmaster

Re: Maginot

woah.

There's even video of a "flip" in action.

Mind officially blown.

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Re: Maginot

This is EXACTLY what bothers me. A vessel of this kind would barely follow the waves. This is great with waves of less than... 10 meters? Above this, and the wave will hit the wind turbines.

Well, we can say they are not so critical. How about a 25 meters wave? The thing is 18 meters high - and due to the hull format, will not rise with the wave. Could she stand beeing at 7 meters depth?

And, yes. 25 meters waves ARE far more common than we imagine:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2004/07/23/waves_space/

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Boffin

Re: RV Flip

That's the first thing that came to mind when reading TFA. I first saw RV Flip on a San Diego Harbor cruise in 1965 and came close to scoring a tour of the ship a few years ago.

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Re: Maginot

Waves by definition come and go, it's ultimately the buoyancy that determines if it stays up. As long as it's watertight up top, and is designed/built to withstand the pressure there's no problem. Some waves will cover it completely then they will recede.

Of course certain delicate structures will need to be retractable / removable

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Headmaster

Shurely Shome Mishtake?

Looks more like Stromboli's lair from The Spy Who Loved me than anything in Dr No.

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Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake?

Beat me too it, I was going to say the same. All you need is the helipad under a glass dome.

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Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake?

Looks more like the Operation Hennessey Underwater SeaLab from the film the Life Aquatic.

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Facepalm

Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake?

Karl Stromberg.

Sheesh, these people who can't tell their Goldfinger from their Blofeld..........

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Facepalm

Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake?

@Eponymous Cowherd: "Karl Stromberg"

It could have been worse - I almost typed Moonraker instead of The Spy Who Loved Me :-)

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Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake? (Moonraker)

Ah, the lovely Hugo Drax:

"Look after Mr Bond, see that some harm comes to him"

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Holmes

Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake? (Moonraker)

Though as I recall, Drax did have the requisite weakness for gray nehru jackets, he was missing the all-important white persian feline accessory.

(No James Bond icon, so I have to go with unflappable British fearless-foe-of-evildoers from a previous era.)

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Re: "Look after Mr Bond, see that some harm comes to him"

But in all fairness he then went on to repair the nearly dead Robert De Nero just because Jean Reno asked him to.

And he built a killer diorama of the 47 Ronin in action which did not have any reference to wire-fu, dragons or Keanu F***ing Anderson.

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El Reg Kick Funding

I propose to forward my name as the first person to sponsor the >45k. I would need a little help from the dear El Reg readers.

I will even wear an El Reg T-Shirt whilst I am stroking the on-board pussy.....

Cmon guys, think about it, your names would be printed on the back of the TShirt as being part of fthe official sponsors..

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Anonymous Coward

Re: El Reg Kick Funding

It is actually cheaper than a lot of big "yacht" style vessels being driven by the new rich ~ 1% of the year while spending the rest in port. The average going price for one of those pseudoboats (ones that will not survive a minimal mediteranean storm) is 17M. The distance from there to 40M is a ag of peanuts.

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Thumb Down

The windage on that sail looks crazy for an ocean platform.

if there are ROV etc hanging off the bottom of this for exploration etc, the last thing required is a crosswind. It looks to have beefy nacelles for propulsion, but why waste extra fuel keeping still over the trench?

Silliness

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Silver badge

Don't think it's any worse than a supertanker. It smaller certainly. And you can just turn in to the wind if it gets too much - frontal area looks pretty sensible.

Seems a bargain at 40M Eur tbh. I'd have one. If I had 200M euros (need some spare for the Lambo)

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Bronze badge

As opposed to the windage on the slab side of a conventional vessel?

All vessels have windage, which is why ROV carriers and Scientific vessels have substantial bow and/or stern thrusters to help maintain station.

A design like this one with a massive keel and slender above-surface portion will be quite efficient - it'll be subject to ocean currents, but should resist wind effect and wave action quite well (unless it's a really heavy sea).

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VIP deck?

I'm totally and unconditionally against any VIP room, anywhere. Always. It keeps people get used to bad habits.

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Joke

Re: VIP deck?

""VIP cabin" - temptingly below the waterline for visiting dignitaries"

Oh this way Senator Sceptical to the VIP cabin. *Later that night on deck* Was the sound the window in the VIP cabin giving way? Pity he didn't vote to give us the funding for all those safety measures we asked for....

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Re: VIP deck?

Clearly Bond, as a Commander of the British Navy, would be classed as a VIP. As such I would be disappointed if the bed in this room didn't have the obligatory restraints and cutting laser

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Re: VIP deck?

...or perhaps a mirror with hidden Chinese spies filming his adventures from the other side of the mirror?

....or a walk-in wardrobe so Goodnight can hide in it awaiting her "turn"..............

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Anonymous Coward

Re: VIP deck?

Are you sure?

A VIP cabin under the water line with a watertight seal door. All you need is a couple of check valves to let the water in and a pump to pump it out later.

Then it becomes a VIP cabin to die for... (or in...)

Where did my white cat go...

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Rolex?

Not a chance. Bond wears Omega Seamasters since forever.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Rolex?

Your "forever" must be quite short...

There have been 23 Bond films, in 11 of which Bond wore a Rolex.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Rolex?

Ian Flemming had bond wearing a Rolex in his books...in the movies Sean Connery...many peoples classic bond, wore a Rolex Submariner.

The production crew changed it to an Omega Seamaster after Connery, but not before hitting the heady heights of a *spit* digital Seiko.

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Re: Rolex?

...hitting the heady heights of a *spit* digital Seiko.

Even MI6 had to reduce budgets during the fiscal belt tightening of the 80s...it's all Q could afford, Bond is lucky he got a Seiko...it would have been a Lorus or an Armitron if Q hadn't gone to bat for him!

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Re: Rolex?

Bond had a few Seikos in the 1980s, between his Rolex and Omega periods. One of them printed out messages, another had a camera and a display - which 007 uses to snap a picture of a lady's décolletage. Looking at the Seiko G757 Sports 100 (device for tracking Fabergé eggs not included), I'm reminded of the Samsung Galaxy Gear watch - especially the four crosshead bolts on the face.

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Alien

Re: Rolex?

Wasn't one of the Seiko's he had one of the TV watches they did?

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Bronze badge

Re: Rolex?

Seiko watches are far superior to Swiss man jewellery. Kinetic is better than any Swiss perpetual.

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Coat

And it keeps on ticking.®

"Agreeably, Rolex is also on the list, one-time supplier of essential kit to the man who will eventually have to storm and sink the behemoth. ®"

Unfortunately due to budget constraints for fiscal year 2013 Mr. Bond will be limited to the new Q-provided Timex wrist watch.

"You see Bond, if you press this button it becomes a stop watch. "

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Anonymous Coward

Boys own adventure

I drew basic outlines of such things as a kid.

But I grew up with Thunderbirds, Joe 90, Voyage to the bottom of the sea, etc...

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Re: Boys own adventure

yeah. This thing is pretty reality free. For one thing the subsurface hull is shaped as a reverse lifting body airfoil. The thing would sink just by moving. Even a strong current might pull it under.

Architects are not engineers, they're artists. This has idiot art school fantasy written all over it. I personally am expecting an upcoming indefinite vacation to the Bahamas for the creator, along with all the money.

Buildings have pretty well known engineering so for them it works, but a boat is a vehicle. This guy is likely totally unqualified to build something like this. Always a bad sign for investment.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Boys own adventure

Proper architects are engineers, and know how to design things for stress, weather, external forces etc.

Most modern "celebrity" architects are, as you stated, artists who draw pretty buildings for others to work out.

Source: my dad is a retired (proper) architect. He can draw and do calculations.

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Black Helicopters

Re: Boys own adventure

...reverse lifting body airfoil. The thing would sink just by moving.

That's by [Yanko?] design -- it hides while it moves, then pops up where you least expect it!

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Re: Boys own adventure

> Architects are not engineers, they're artists

And yet the chaps who design ships and draw the lines for shipbuilders to work with are ... naval architects.

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Can't see a chute for dispensing unwanted guests to the circling sharks anywhere on the plans. Puzzling.

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Happy

Ah-

The shark is lurking in the bath; last place you would expect one.

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Re: Ah-

Will the sharks have frinkin "laser beams" attached to their heads?

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You do not need one - the VIP cabin is below the water line. Just seal the door and open the viewports to the elements.

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Re: Ah-

The shark is lurking in the bath; last place you would expect one.

****

Actually, the last place I'd expect a shark is the aircondition duct.

Think about it, you, being a sauve internationally recognised undercover agent, are casually walk around the room looking for venomous snakes or spiders or scorpions with a lighter and a can of deodorant thinking you're being all cleaver.

You open the airconditioning ducting and an angry 3000kg Great White slids out of the duct onto your head toothy end first.

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Not ideal for supervillains

It's very flash, but the navies of the world could hardly imagine a nicer big, fat juicy target bobbing gently on the waves...

On the open ocean, there's nowhere to hide...

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FAIL

Re: Not ideal for supervillains

On the open ocean, there's nowhere to hide...

...er, how about IN the open ocean?

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Re: Not ideal for supervillains

Yeah, but it's a big ass ocean to search.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Not ideal for supervillains

Persakly!

'kin fing's got a massive radar cross section pretty much whatever direction you look at it.

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Anthropomorphism

I see an elongated face with glaring eyes, a shouty mouth and sticky-out ears. The shoulder pads and tutu suggest a flamboyant and deranged personality. I don't want to talk about the rest of it.

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Looks like 'Mothership' from Homeworld.

40Meur seems like bugger all for such a project.

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40M Euros?

That's the least realistic attempt at a budget I've seen. The British government endorses more realistic budgets for large IT projects than that.

It's a 5x overbudget if ever I saw one.

And they've missed out the shark pen and the retractable floor in the lift.

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