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back to article Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

It's a cutesy brand of sweet marked with the tagline "kids and grown-ups love it so". But the happy world of Haribo has suddenly clouded over after tiny ursine squishy figures of the sugar-free variety reportedly caused "gastric exorcism" in dozens of Amazon reviewers. More than 100 people wrote graphic descriptions of the …

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Anonymous Coward

You have

Squeamish readers?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have

GCHQ

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Trollface

Re: You have

Wait, the Reg has readers?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

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Even us

comment bots have feelings...

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Anonymous Coward

What is the government doing?

I think we should immediately get on a war footing and start carpet bombing Haribo city in Gummybear land following these uncontroversial reports about their stockpiling of these atrocious Weapons of (M)ass Destruction!.

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Mushroom

Re: What is the government doing?

Uh... You do know "Haribo City" is Bonn, Germany, right?

Not dissing the sentiment in and of itself, but I don't think we're gonna win the next one.

...OH GOD, is this in fact their opening salvo? (Poor choice of words)

Get learning them words now, kids:

"Haribo macht Kinder froh / und Erwachsene ebenso!"

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amazon.com

Maybe brought on by yanks poor diet? Haven't heard of this in europe or germany... and loooking at the amount of bears I can see why these people were watching the sport and not playing.

Amazing that the bag is full to bursting with sweets... here in germany half the bag woud be air, which manufacturers claim is caused by "settling"... yanks don't seem to think they need to pack sweets in a "protective environment", why do we... that is the more important question here!

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Re: amazon.com

"here in germany half the bag woud be air, "

You get sweets in your bags of air? In Australia finding something edible in your bag of air is a bonus only topped by actually managing to get it open without employing teeth/scissors or a plasma cutter.

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Re: amazon.com

here in the US, bags of air usually contain one small potato chip shard (one crisplet?). edit - and some grease and salt.

re: how much did they eat? - well, the bag did contain 5lb.

[but they're sugar-free so i can have all i want]

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Re: amazon.com

I guess your disappointment at opening a bag of sweets to find it is mostly air explains your lack of a sense of humour and sarcasm failure? Try reading the reviews for 3 Wolf and Moon shirt then think about the sugar free Gummi Bears reviews again.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: amazon.com

I thought an "Aussie Bonus" would be some venomous, stinging, biting or face-hugging mutant critter in the bag (and two of your friends killing it with a shovel and a brick while it is attacking your face, while the third is filming it for youtube ;-)

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Coat

Eating Sugarless sweets causes many to 'Pass' comments...

Ok, I know it is Monday morning but I could'nt resist.

Coat naturally and with only natural sweetness.

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Anonymous Coward

Haribo.

"More than 100 people wrote graphic descriptions of the carnage they claim was caused to them by way of their consumption of the sugarless Haribo gummy bears. The reviews were tacked on to a product page for the catering-sized bag - a bulging 5 pound (2.2kg) plastic-coated wad which contains approximately 1,080 bears"

Didn't any of these whinging gluttons think that eating 1,080 gummy bears at a sitting might, just possibly, be considered "eating to excess"? Or don't they recognize the concept of "over-indulgence"?

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Re: Haribo.

...but they're just so tasty...

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Only requires *20* of the satanically-posessed bears, apparently

Who said that the, er... "effect" required eating the whole bag?

The top-listed review (by Christine E. Torok) on the Amazon page linked in the article (via "carnage") states "Not long after eating about *20* [my emphasis] of these all hell broke loose."

I doubt 20 would be considered "eating to excess" by many people.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Haribo.

You don't have to eat that much of this hellish sweetner to get some incredible effects.

When I found sugar free oreos once I thought it was too good to be true - it was - I ate 5 of them - 5 small cookies, at around 9pm. Couldn't get to sleep until after 3am as I was having to explode into the toilet every few minutes.

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Too excess, 2x what's the difference???

Of course eating 2x these bags at a go would be bad for you. I only ate one. I kept the other one for tomorrow.

Seriously, packing them in catering size bags was silly. Anyone buying these is going to be of the mindset that 1 bag == one serving. 5lb of laxatives is not a good idea.

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Drama queens

Or more likely, creative writing 101 trolls. Over 200 reviews in the last 48 hours, immediately after a Reddit link, and not one Amazon Verified?

https://i.imgur.com/Ep4sEEY.jpg

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Re: Drama queens

They still have a long way to go to compete with the reviews of

The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Drama queens

Definate thumbs up for the three wolves, I didn't know that Amazon allowed for comments like that, put a smile on my Monday morning blues face....

Must hold back temptation to buy three howling wolves tshirt.........

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JDX
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Re: Drama queens

This one is fun:

How to avoid huge ships

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Re: Drama queens

I didn't know that Amazon allowed for comments like that

A colleague used to work at Amazon, and part of his job was dealing with the user reviews. Initially the policy was to remove joke reviews, but Amazon eventually cottoned on that the good ones drove more traffic to the site so they tend to leave them be (see the reviews of Jordan and Peter Andre's CD for example, or the classic review of The Story of Ping which is quite possibly the grand daddy of funny Amazon reviews).

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Re: Drama queens

Your life is not complete without one of these:

Box Canvas Print of Paul Ross

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Re: Drama queens

My Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee review is a verified purchase. It is everything claimed to be an d more.

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Re: Drama queens

> How to avoid huge ships

3 new from £182.08

6 used from £139.98

The fuck?

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Re: Drama queens

"I didn't know that Amazon allowed for comments like that,"

Khaptain, m'man, you obviously lead a sheltered life. Get thee to the Amazon reviews for Sony's 84" UHD TV. Others have already pointed out the three doggies tee-shirt reviews. And you could go over to Best Buy and look up the reviews for the (drumroll, please) $1000+ (no, that is not a typo...) HDMI cable. (I'm serious, there really is a HMDI cable which costs more that $1000. But the reviews aren't... I kinda wonder how many were actually sold or if everyone just points and laughs. I do know that the local Worst Buy has some $500+ HDMI cables, and they've actually sold some.)

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Ring of fire

The reviews of Veet for Men on Amazon.co.uk always amuse (fake or not, they're eye-watering).

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This post has been deleted by its author

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Re: Drama queens

New, the Uranium 'Ore! A pitch blend!

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Re: Drama queens

" Initially the policy was to remove joke reviews, but Amazon eventually cottoned on that the good ones drove more traffic to the site"

May I recommend: "Penetrating Wagner's Ring"

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Penetrating-Wagners-Ring-Capo-Paperback/dp/0306804379/

Many of the best reviews did get purged some time ago, but it's good to see them re-emerging.

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Anonymous Coward

Maybe not trolls

My young son loves haribo gummy bears, and has been having strong stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea after eating about 20 of them, from a package we bought around Christmas time. I am not sure it was the sugar free version, as we put them in a box and threw away the package. But there seems to be a cause-effect connection here.

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Coat

Re: Maybe not trolls

Cause-effect? You or your son clearly lack a scientific approach to claim cause-effect. It could just as well be rotavirus at random work. Once he is better again, you should feed him another 20 from the same box. If nothing happens, it wasn't the gummy bears. If he gets the same symptoms again, you wait until he's fine again and then feed him another 20 from a new package since the opened ones could be contaminated with something else. If he develops no symptoms, it's probably not the gummy bears. If he's sick again, wait until he's fine and repeat. A few times. Just to be sure. For the sake of science.

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JDX
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Re: Maybe not trolls

Or since it was Xmas, he could have also eaten 4Kg of Dairy Milk.

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Coat

Re: Maybe not trolls

Or even 4Kg of Chocolate Ex-lax disguised in a Dairy Milk wrapper.

Santa can be a right bastard at times....

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Re: Maybe not trolls

Don't forget - you are in this forum forever!

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MrT
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You are in this forum forever...

... unless your name is Eadon, in which case, load the account purger with a few of these 5kg bags, rinse and repeat ;-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Maybe not trolls

Unfortunately our son was playing in the package we threw away (why do kids always prefer the box to the present?) so we can't repeat the experiment until the next child comes along. Thankfully my wife is pregnant so it should not take too long now.

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Maltitol is evil incarnate."

"Excessive consumption may cause laxative effect in sensitive individuals."

That warning must appear on all American products containing Maltitol for a damn good reason.

If your body is sensitive to Maltitol then "excessive consumption" may be as little as "any at all" much less a single serving.

And the effects can be quite gruesome, painfull, disgusting, debilitating, depressing, & amusing to anyone listening outside the lavatory door...

Right up until the smell slaps them in the face & ignites their flesh.

Various confectionaries in the States use it as a sugar replacement, essentially making them entirely off limits to anyone whom can't handle the effects of Maltitol.

Haribo's products in Europe use actual sugar, & their sugar free products tend to use other ingredients than Maltitol.

But the stuff they produce for Americans as "normal" (with sugar) uses processed sugar, & the "sugar free" uses stuff like Maltitol.

As someone whom is unable to eat that substance, I can attest from first hand experience that it is NOT fun.

Sitting on the toilet feeling like you're trying to pass the International Space Station through the eye of a needle is not something to wish on anyone.

So while I don't doubt that such reactions are possible & even probable, since even a Haribo "single serving mini bag" worth of Maltitol would cause some people to feel like Mount Vesuvius were erupting out their bowels, anyone stupid enough to consume an entire "restaurant size" bag of the stuff deserves what they get.

And I agree with the other commenter whom said that most of the reviews were probably just trolls.

The AOL "Me Too!" crowd enjoy dogpiling on such things, even if they have to make it up to do so.

Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go send another bag of the little shits to the WBC to show them how much I care.

*Evil Giggle*

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Re: Maltitol is evil incarnate." EEEEVULL

This is why I eat REAL sugar. I'd rather risk cavities down the road than endure unbearable, sticky trips to the porcelain god of punishment.

Why does the USFDA allow that sugar-sub shit here when the EU has alternatives or just uses real sugar and avoids (it seems) the problems here? Oh, I think I know why? Many chemical companies here have a smorgasbord of stuff spewing out as by-products of one process with tons of the chems on hand and no way to monetize the byproducts. So, they get it allowed into food, and we eat the shit if we don't read the labels, and line the coffers of chemical companies.

Same with chems in toothpaste, mouthwash, or anything else that subs for sugar or adds colors, or whatever.

Well, who knows. Maybe the stuff WON'T cause harm -- statistically, andd before something ELSE instead does us in...

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Re: Maltitol is evil incarnate." EEEEVULL

for pepole who are diabetic most likley

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Re: Maltitol is evil incarnate." EEEEVULL

My local tesco has an import section, it had a stupidly expensive box of Pepsi Classic, proudly displaying 'made with real sugar'... I assume whoever ordered it didn't realise that the entire shelf of 'normal' pepsi was also made with real sugar.

It's likley cheaper to use real sugar than HFCS over here.

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Black Helicopters

Re: Maltitol is evil incarnate." EEEEVULL

Many chemical companies here have a smorgasbord....

Yeah, chill out with the black helicopters. I will grant you this for Agent Orange and Depleted Uranium, but these are wholly different levels of the Military-Congressional Complex.

Or are they?

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Re: Maltitol is evil incarnate."

"Haribo's products in Europe use actual sugar, & their sugar free products tend to use other ingredients than Maltitol."

Pah! Us Europeans denied the real McCoy. I suppose that's come-uppance for us having pleasant tasting beer, chocolate and bacon.

I'm not enamoured of the urgent visits to the trap that are described, but perhaps Haribo could isolate the stench-inducing compounds and market them in a new product as Haribo Death Bears. I'll wager that there's actually a big market for a product that can reliably and in short order produce "Breath of Satan" trumps. I had some fine paint-stripping flatus over the weekend following the opening of some ultra-mature cheddar (with added brewer's yeast), but having the right fuel in the portable and discrete format of a bag of Haribo, that would be the business. Pop a good handful down your gullet ten minutes before going into the post office, or when accompanying the missus on clothes shopping expeditions, and share the happy world of Haribo.

You know it makes sense.

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WTF?

coffee straw???

I don't like this haribo stuff and couldn't give a shit (no pun intended). But what the feck is a coffee straw? Seriously, are there bucktards around drinking coffee through a straw? That's just as stupid as drinking coffee or anything for that matter through a tiny hole in a plastic lid.

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Happy

Re: coffee straw???

Sometimes google can be your friend! Coffee Straws.

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Happy

Re: coffee straw???

Kane,

Who would have thought! Ranks rather high on my list of needless inventions.

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Re: coffee straw???

Yeah, I always pop the top off and drink like an adult from the cup.

We're not 3, drinking from straws and small hole sippy cups.

I also strongly dislike bottles that have those silly "sports" tops, where the top pops up and you have to tease the fluid out from a tiny, awkward hole.

I always unscrew the damn top. A useless invention.

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Re: coffee straw???

The idea of drinking "hot" coffee through a straw sounds absolutely painfull...

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