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back to article Boffins: On my command, unleash REMOTE CONTROL BULL SPERM

German scientists have invented remote-controlled cyborg sperm bots which can be steered using magnetic fields. Boffins at the Institute for Integrative Nanosciences in Dresden trapped bull sperm inside tiny nanotubes which were just 50 microns long and made from titanium and iron. When sperm swam into the tubes they became …

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wait.. what

so, uuh, lemme get this straight, they're thinking of using sperm as a vector to deliver *someting somewhere*?

I don't think i want to ever get sick and be injected with some of that.

In other news, males are being milked for all they're worth

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Re: wait.. what

Mr C it would be your own spunk! (Unless you are a eunuch or impotent or a ladyman or some such derivative)

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Re: wait.. what

"I don't think i want to ever get sick and be injected with some of that."

Who says you get injected. You might have to swallow.

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Angel

Re: wait.. what

You sir, owe me a keyboard!

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Coat

Re: wait.. what @ Wize

That comment was in poor taste.

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What a load of wank...

Badum...Tish!

But on a serious thought, this is a very interesting idea. Why build tiny machines to do in-body stuff when nature already provides the perfect drivetrain?

Of course, there's a bit of an ick factor in it all, but once you get past that, it's a superb idea.

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Anonymous Coward

Coming soon.

Bukackimotherapy

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They want to use BULL sperm for that?

Who else can see this going wrong? I can see the headlines already where some poor women gets stoned to death for bestiality after becoming pregnant from her own medicine.

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Re: They want to use BULL sperm for that?

And you'd have to keep the offspring confined in some sort of maze.

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Coat

Hmm...

There seems to be an element of bull in this .....

Also worth mentioning that they are designed to swim a lot further than the human variety.

My coat's the one with a Young Farmers Mag in the pocket!

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Not Harmless

The scientists claim that "sperm are harmless"... unless you count the millions of women who have abortions thanks to pregancies induced by these infernal sperm. Additionally as foreign proteins they would be attacked and destroyed by the body's immune system. So only male wankers could use this as a remedy!

The other problem with human sperm is that they have a very short lifespan.

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Re: Not Harmless

"Additionally as foreign proteins they would be attacked and destroyed by the body's immune system."

Unless you are the donor bull, that sperm would still be a foreign protein to your body. Even if one's own sperm are used, they are foreign to the blood stream, subcutaneous, muscle tissues.

But then, a delivery system that is destroyed when done is a good delivery system.

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Re: Not Harmless @Wizrd1

You wrote: "But then, a delivery system that is destroyed when done is a good delivery system."

What about the Fe/Ti nanotubes? They could clog up your arteries really seriously!

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Anonymous Coward

> Strangely enough, there is a roaring international trade in bull sperm.

Wasn't that one of the reasons Cameron recently travelled to China? He closed a £40+ million deal to sell them good English pig spunk.

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"We're going to inject you will bull semen Mr Smith"

Are you absolutely sure you're a doctor?

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Re: "We're going to inject you will bull semen Mr Smith"

Yes of course I'm a doctor! Now take your clothes off.

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Coat

In the voice of George Takei

Oh Mooo...

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Coat

With this technology, the opportunities are endless.

The problem is they're endless opportunities for smut...

I now have the mental image of someone saying "just swallow!" And Mary Poppins comes into shot, singing, 'a Spoonful of Sugar Helps the Medicine Go Down'.

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Trollface

"Bovine emission"

Tastefully put.

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Re: "Bovine emission"

Speaking from experience?

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@smartermind doesn't matter if you're male or female. The testes are immunologically privileged - because sperm are haploid and therefore most definitely non-self your body would mount an immune response to your own sperm. This is a cause of some types of inferitility - often following trauma of the eye-watering variety.

Sperm are incredibly sensitive to handling - temperature shock and environment - and get nutritional support from seminal fluid, which obviously wouldn't be present in this application - so it's difficult to see how they would last any length of time in vivo. It's a really interesting idea though!

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I would have to be pretty damned ill before I'd take this as a treatment...

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JDX
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Smart

Since true nanobots remain over the horizon, some sort of hybrid is a very clever idea. Our own cells are far better than anything we can yet dream of making.

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Just a second there

And just exactly how are we getting all that bull stuff in the first place ?

Do bulls just dribble it all around ?

Or is there some icky fetish nobody is talking about ?

On second thought, I'm not sure I want to know.

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Re: Just a second there

Believe it or not, it's a career, just like IT. The dairy industry can't just leave it to nature, too inefficient. So there are blokes with arm length rubber gloves, strange rubber contraptions and heavy gauge steel stocks... and there's a lot of money in it.

As for "not harmful to human beings", ISTR there was a fatal case of allergy to German Shepherd sperm a couple of years back (in Ireland?) but I'm not sure it's one to Google at work!

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Coat

Re: Just a second there

it's a career, just like IT.

Pretty sure it's nothing like IT! Unless I've been doing IT wrong all this time.

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Re: Just a second there

"Pretty sure it's nothing like IT!"

Actually, it is a lot like IT. Some jobs just have a shitty task or two.

Well, in this case, spunky.

More seriously though, champion bull sperm can run in the millions of dollars per ounce.

Who'd have thought that bull wanking would be a million dollar business?

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Unhappy

Clever for sure, but why bother?

The genes for assembling a "flagellum motor" have been known since at least 2000. At least on eof the teams devised a version with Sulphur side chains that allowed them to be bonded onto a mounting structure, admittedly with somewhat reduced efficiency.

Mounting a grid of these to the framework and controlling the flow of ADP (cellular energy source) would give a "vectored thrust" array

Producable by the billion.

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Meh.

Tell me when they make that nanotube a laser...

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Re: Meh.

I think I see where you are going with this: frikkin' lasers on shark's sperm heads!

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Anonymous Coward

Damn

So sperm might be worth something for drug delivery soon?

I hate to think how much money has slipped through my hands over the years :(

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Damn

"I hate to think how much money has slipped through my hands over the years"

Or was that down your chin?

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Anonymous Coward

Lol

Actually, this might also work for treating hard-to-treat cancers in delicate areas such as the brain.

Arm the spermbots with something furiously radioactive but short lived, and steer them into the tumour.

Interesting concept!

AC-DC 6EQUJ5

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