Re: Ads, Ads and yet more [redacted] ads
Line breaks are essential
To the flow of a poem
Without them it's mental
Trying to find your way home.
I've rearranged your attempt a bit
Sort of polished the chrome
To give it more of a hit.
Like a hip-hop rhyme
It's more of a chore
But bro, you gotta take your time
Else you're gonna hit the floor.
Your scansion, sadly, sucks. It's no defence
to play the humour card. When writing verse
both form and rhythm must align to sense.
Though rhyme and scansion may invite a curse
it should be from the author. I would deem a
failed attempt at scansion rather worse than blank verse.
Writing in a formal schema
at least can help at focussing the brain
(my favoured form, like this, is terza rima)