back to article Microsoft researchers build 'smart bra' to stop women's stress eating

A team of boffins at Microsoft Research have been trying to solve the problem of stress eating with a Windows Phone smartphone app and a bra that measures the wearer's emotions. When humans come under stress, overeating is common. Some scientists think there's a valid reason for this – grabbing some extra food is always handy …

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And let the flood of ...

... 14 year old boy locker-room attempts at humor begin.

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Re: And let the flood of ...

But I had so many good jokes...:-(

Well at least seeing that Microsoft developed it all I've got is images of the NSA telling Merkell to have a snickers as she's a diva when she's hungry.

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Re: And let the flood of ...

Does a Microsoft smart bra come with windows?

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Trollface

Re: And let the flood of ...

@Jake: Because you asked so nicely.

"...emotional arousal..." hur hur hur - he said 'arousal'.

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Coat

Re: And let the flood of ...

Does the equipment send updates to the phone automatically...

...or does the phone ping the brastrap?

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Paris Hilton

Re: And let the flood of ...

It makes a pleasant change.

A Microsoft product holding tits up, instead of going titsup and holding us up.

<- Paris, well, cos boobies.

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Re: And let the flood of ...

Mmmm… 'bout time they got abreast of things…

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Anonymous Coward

The disappointment comes

The disappointment comes when the bra is removed and the Microsoft padding revealed.

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TRT
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Re: And let the flood of ...

"Mammary overflow error at 0x48FF"

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Anonymous Coward

Re: And let the flood of ...

you think This story is in This publication because of purely tech issues?

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Paris Hilton

Re: And let the flood of ...

or underflow at 0x32B

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Joke

Re: Does a Microsoft smart bra come with windows?

I would hate to see the EULA.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: And let the flood of ...

Any links to photos of the install process?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: And let the flood of ...

Your boobs have Open Source cancer - Microsoft are the cure....

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Windows

I'm Sorry....

But your boobs have performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.....

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Windows

Re: I'm Sorry....

But you are running a pirate copy of boobs and they will be deleted....

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Re: I'm Sorry....

Do you have to register your boobs with Microsoft? I want that job......

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Trollface

time to reframe Woody Allen...

...in What's new Pussy Cat?

Michael James:Did you find a job?

Victor Skakapopulis: Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.

MJ: Nice job.

VS: Twenty francs a week.

MJ: Not very much.

VS: It's all I can afford.

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Re: I'm Sorry....

Do you have to sign a disclosure agreement?

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That's

Exception 0xB00B

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Anonymous Coward

A team of boffins at Microsoft Research have been trying to solve the problem of stress eating with a Windows Phone smartphone app and a bra that measures the wearer's emotions."

Since it is on WP, I bet the app shows a lot users with remorse or buyers regret.

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It's got a couple of Raspberries built in.

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And she said;

"Of course I'm stressed! Not only is my bra killing me, it keeps dieing on me! Got a USB port handy?"

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Re: And she said;

… and then the moment she gets power to her techno-bra — the phone app goes tits up.

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Anonymous Coward

Her: I'm thinking of upgrading to Boobs v2.0

Him: The v1.0 boobs you've got are fine.

Her: Bloody men. Don't care as long as they get to play with them.

Him: Yeah, so?

Her: [storms off in a huff]

Him: Was it something I said?

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Her: I'm thinking of upgrading to Boobs v2.0

Him: If you want the bigger Boobs v2.0, why dont you just rub toilet paper between them.

Her: How will toilet paper give me bigger Boobs v2.0?

Him: Well, it worked on your arse, didnt it?

*badoom-tish*

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Anonymous Coward

They needed to put a smart bra on the big boob (Ballmer) a longtime ago.

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Does it have any virus protection?

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This must be a tactic to sell more phones. Perhaps it is because I am male, but if I am stressed a phone that flashed up a message telling me to breathe will very quickly find itself implanted in a nearby wall requiring a quick insurance claim. No prizes for guessing where they would put the male sensors.

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I suppose it's down to how the message is presented .... if it's something like an AED, that speaks in a nice, calm, authoritative voice, telling the operator to [b r e a t h e], it could be helpful. Certainly, I find that is quite calming.

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Male sensors

If theyre smart, they'll make it into a ring for your finger.

When it detects sudden acceleration, then an impact 4 or 5 times in a row, it will text you with a message that reads "The boss was born that way. No amount of percussive maintenance will fix him"

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If you had ever had to purchase replacement batteries for an AED you would not find them in any way calming! Biggest con going.

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Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

Can we please at least ask why this app and "wearable device" are aimed exclusively at women, as these probably very svelte and not at all lardy American techies who are mostly male seem to have been paid to develop and publicise this risible idea.

And the app has a cartoon bird with a speech bubble telling you what to do that reads "Bird says". Are they unaware that in the UK, this has a colloquial meaning of girlfriend, and furthermore we do not like to be bossed around by our birds?

(OK, I lied about this not containing predictable puerile jokes.)

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Happy

Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

OK, OK, I give in ... no point trying to raise the tone of this thread ...

Are MS also aware that "bird" has a different colloquial meaning in Indonesian... but then, men will always listen to their "burung".

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

> Can we please at least ask why this app and "wearable device" are aimed exclusively at women

Microsoft engineers are clearly trying to understand women in the only way they know how. I've heard there's a related project underway at NASA.

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

Helloo..... what's this? Ah, haptic feedback button... or is it cold in here?

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Rob

Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

Quite a severe feedback response though if you press it, may result in a sore cheek and a possibility of ringing in the ears (maybe followed by a visit from the rozzers).

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

Very liekly because its a proof of concept model and are looking for the best results as oppossed to a markettable item.

As noted in the article the best place to get the results needed is from the area around the heart so the researchers would focus on an item of clothing that covers that area and with plenty of skin contact. Vests, T-Shirts, Shirts, etc would be too loose so wouldn't give you that consistent skin contact needed but a bra would. Now seeing as men have no need to wear bras it would be focused around women hence why it would appear to be aimed exclusively at women.

Once the concept is proven to work they can then start refining it and looking at other form factors such as rings, wrist starps, watches, etc and once again, as noted in the article, they won't nessecarily rlease the proof of concept model as a retail model.

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

I misread the BBC's headline coverage of this at first...

"Microsoft working on a smart bra to measure mood"

Easy to get 'd' and 'b' mixed up...

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Re: Haptic feedback buttons...

It needs a bit of tweaking.

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

"...the best place to get the results needed is from the area around the heart..."

Plenty of heard monitoring fitness devices can be strapped on without the need for an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder.

Maybe if men want to use this device, they have to 'grow a pair'

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Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

The male version will come as some sort of testicular sling. No doubt with voice feedback built in, given that Microsoft is well known for talking bollocks.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Amid the predictable puerile jokes....

"are aimed exclusively at women"

Are you sure - have you seen American men?

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xyz

Using an El Regism..

it should be called the Redmond Airbag.Mind you V1.0 will probably hang off her ears with a plank of wood holding her chest up, for V2.0 they'll introduce a cushion for the plank and V3.0 will be virtualised and stuck in the cloud so you can access your virtual bra anyplace. Then Apple will create a patent for the iCup with rounded corners and a shiny casing. The first iCup will only have 1 cup, so that's there's a clear upgrade path to the next version. Meanwhile the Linux guys will still be researching what a woman is, and trying to draw up a use case so they can understand the problem whilst Android releases Jubbly Bean....

I must get a life

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As with all the newer MS products...

...I presume it has a touch interface.

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Re: As with all the newer MS products...

I expect it's only available wireless...

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It looks like you're trying to have a nervous breakdown

Would you like some help?

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Anonymous Coward

Next year's headlines...

Woman refused service in Seattle restaurant for wearing a bra.

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Anonymous Coward

What happened to the 60's/70's when braless was the fashion? every time I watch an old film from around that era, it seems the women don't wear bra's, I think its time that fashion re-emerged, surely it can't be healthy to strap part of your body up like that JUST to make them look bigger....

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The swinging 60s?

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