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back to article Martians yet to retaliate after Curiosity's 100,000th laser strike

NASA has revealed that Curiosity, the laser-armed, nuclear-powered space tank that's been rolling around Mars for over a year now, appears to have defeated the Martian race. If indeed it exists. We make that leap of logic after the space agency revealed the rover's laser has now penetrated the red planet's soil more than 102,000 …

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The Martians are fully prepared for their counter-attack, they have their own frikkin' lasers all powered up, now they just need to find some water for their red sharks to swim in...

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Anonymous Coward

So why is it covered with graffiti,

'Earthlings Go Away"?

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now they just need to find some water for their red sharks to swim in...

They are just waiting for us to come and melt their icecaps.

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"Keep blasting, brave Curiosity! We're all right behind you!"

Well of course we are! Wouldn't wanna get zapped by standing where it could see us!

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Boffin

Re: "Keep blasting, brave Curiosity! We're all right behind you!"

There is no escape from Curiosity... it can point its laser in any direction it wants.

We should just be grateful it is trapped on another planet in case it tries to turn on us.

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They're just biding their time...

They are sneaky buggers, those Martians ....

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Alien

Re: They're just biding their time...

This is the voice of the Mysterons. We know that you can hear us, Earthmen. You are powerless to defeat us. Your much boasted new space fleet is doomed to failure. We will make certain you will never return to our planet, Mars.

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Speculative Conclusions do not Compute Definitive Possible Reality in All Probability Alien Fields

In your and NASA's dreams, Simon S., but a present ending communications silence and problem conundrum denying future illogical explanation by global spook factors in the likes NSA/CSS/GCHQ/FSB/MSS/AIVD etc. etc., which all be playing second fiddle these new unfolding days to NEUKlearer HyperRadioProActive IT Tuning in ........ well, QuITe Alien Offices and Apartments and Departments and Compartments of CyberIntelAIgent Security and Virtual Protection, is not just the figment of an imagination that many might propose and suppose be opposed to maintain remote control power in command of currency source for delivery of energy drivers whenever it supplies both Metaphysical Capability and Existential Facility with Anonymous Invisibility in an APT Phorm and Autonomous Paraphysical Presence.

'Tis the future, Simon, but not as one might know it be planned for today and tomorrow by the status quo virtual machine that be all at stormy sea with no tempest see in petrified stagnant ponds.

And crikey, it's Friday again already. Where does time fly and go to, and for what end?

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Happy

Re: Speculative Conclusions do not Compute.....

Ahhhh, Friday ... the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the trees are vibrant with the green of summer, and amanfrommars is still incoherent ... all is right with the world ...

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Re: Speculative Conclusions do not Compute.....

"Ahhhh, Friday ... the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the trees are vibrant with the green of summer"

Oh stop rubbing it in, you southern hemisphere types. Up here we've got a grotty winter in full swing you know, and I for one am not enjoying it much. Especially as we're not thrashing the Aussies in the cricket like we should be.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Speculative Conclusions do not Compute.....

Just needs a resounding episode of the BOFH - with as much Halon/Cattleprod/Liftshaft action as possible - and it'd be perfect.

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Re: Speculative Conclusions do not Compute.....

Ahhhh, Friday ... the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the trees are vibrant with the green of summer, and amanfrommars is still incoherent ... all is right with the world ... ... Gray Ham Posted Friday 6th December 2013 04:40 GMT

:-) I know you didn't really mean that, Gray Ham, for to be unable to understand and misunderestimate what was said and to posit it be incoherent is surely delusional and a sad reflection which would have one outing oneself as lodged at the lower end of the intelligence scale in a smart forum of budding peers. Your choicing of the "I am very happy and wish to express my contentment" smiley though, would be saving you from such an ignominy.

For those who would have agreed with the negative sentiment though, without a great deal of thought about things as they are in the much bigger picture which delivers daily global events for media reporting of fact to disguise its origins in imaginative fictions, I do offer these wise worlds, which others have oft uttered similarly as if their own .....

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident." --- Arthur Schopenhauer

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Re: Speculative Conclusions do not Compute.....

He's got you right where he wants you - thinking that all is right with the world.

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Alien

Have you ever watched a fly crawling around on a horses face? As long as the fly doesn't get in the horses eye or nostril the horse isn't even aware of the flys existence.

Until Curiosity drives into a Martians eye or nostril and blasts it with a laser we will have no real idea of their capabilities. It is premature to declare victory if we have not verified that we aren't the fly in this equation.

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"The chances of anything coming from Earth are a million to one," he said.

"But still they come!"

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Re: "The chances of anything coming from Earth are a million to one," he said.

More to the point, perhaps, "nine times out of ten"...

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100,000 strikes!

Haven't they hit what they're aiming at yet?

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Re: 100,000 strikes!

Suppressing fire! Keeps their little green heads down

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Gimp

Hurt

No chance of Curiosity blasting "No More" into the surface of the planet?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Hurt

No; it's "BAD WOLF"

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Alien

All part of their plan

They've been sealed underground, hibernating, waiting for something like Curiosity to eventually break through and release them.

They will then come pouring out in the full knowledge that there must be somewhere in the solar system that has the conditions to support a thriving culture.

I suggest we keep the laser power dialled down.

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Brotron Labs are ready

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vVi1fQ64NI

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Happy

Curiosity rover...

... sponsored by David Bowie

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Alien

Of course they haven't hit back....

...they are calibrating their defence shields; every strike allows them increase it's effectiveness.

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At this very moment the Martians are preparing the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator to blow up the planet Earth (for obstructing their view of Venus).

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Coat

This is the voice of the Mysterons

We know you can hear us Earthmen....

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And this is why I read The Reg

None of the other news outlets are doing this type of in-depth analysis

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Alien

Those Martians are just peaceful, that's why we can't understand them!

The organized life, ten feet deep in the soil, is very much aware of Curiosity rolling overhead. They have engaged reception,are listening eagerly, letting its alien thought saturate them. But alas - Curiosity's thoughts are as mechanical, as simple, that there's really no satisfying communication possible with it.

Maybe it's time to send out a probe to find Curiosity's creator...

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star trek TNG

"Home soil"

They win, since picard is now relegated to posting twitter updates thanks to austerity and budget cuts

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Like a Broken Clock ...

Just goes to show; if you use the line “I believe we will be greeted as liberators” often enough, eventually you'll be correct.

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This post has been deleted by its author

Telescope

Surely you meant microscope..

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Bah!

No Martians to respond to this provocation? They'd like us to think so.

We should nuke 'em from orbit.

It's the only way to be sure.

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