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back to article Boffins: Bonkless Brits fondling slabs, not each other

Brits are doing it less often than they did twenty years ago, according to researchers from University College, London – and one reason could be the fragmentation of home life. The depressing datum, especially if it were replicated around the world, is that from a mean of 6.2 encounters per month for men and 6.3 for women in …

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Joke

No surprise

Your fondle slab doesn't require alimony, child support or expensive dinners, does it?

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Silver badge

Re: No surprise

My technology doesn't have a major strop every 28 days. It costs a minimal amount to run. Doesn't care if i am unshaven, doesn't moan about the loo seat and , in its own electronic way understands that vehicles require fuel, tax, insurance, maintainance and dont run on fucking pixie dust. All in all i'd rather have my tech gear than be saddled with some croning old witch. Which i am.

Even my phone vibrates when i insert something into it.

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Re: No surprise

Hmm.. my phone mildly vibrates when I push the (keyboard) buttons... and she is not called siri!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: No surprise

my phone mildly vibrates when I push the ... buttons.

Works for women too, you just need to know where the right buttons are (it varies according to model)...

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Bronze badge

Re: No surprise

"Works for women too, you just need to know where the right buttons are (it varies according to model)..."

And there is no help command. I have never met any model that could explain itself (requirements, process, anything). At some point I must plug in a terminal and type help.

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Paris Hilton

Re: No surprise

> And there is no help command

$ man woman

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Coat

Re: No surprise

$ man woman

No manual entry for woman.

$

Hmm, that's not been my experience...

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$ man woman

Gives this response on my distro:

http://linux.die.net/HOWTO/Encourage-Women-Linux-HOWTO/x168.html

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Re: $ man woman

@ Captain DaFt

I started reading but wow is there a bee in the bonnet. Wow. I got a few paragraphs down and was still waiting to see where it had anything to do with getting a woman into linux.

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Anonymous Coward

4.8 times a month?

The statistician must have been an optimist.

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No reported standard deviation though. I know of a few very prolific individuals who'll no doubt push the mean up.

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2001 was not twenty years ago unless I got some bloody amazing sleep last night. Were we in recession in the period that most recent numbers are being compared to? I seem to remember sex increases when money is tight as it is cheap entertainment (Depending on your date of course.)

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Bronze badge

"fewer people in the population married or cohabiting and so having less opportunity to have sex"

Clearly the researcher is not married then..........

I thought "4.9 times a month ! Where do they fit in the other 3.9 times that I don't get ?"

(Also, is the 0.9 when you start but then pull out and bap spaff ?)

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Re: "fewer people in the population married or cohabiting

"(Also, is the 0.9 when you start but then pull out and bap spaff ?)"

No, it's when you're still at it at midnight on the last night of the month...

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Silver badge
Joke

"I haven't had sex in 300 years ..."

"... 310 if you include my marriage"

Woody Allen - "Sleeper"

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How about a fondleslap* party?

*I meant slab....

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Anonymous Coward

Treat them alike.

Just give your partner the exact same attention as the fondle slab & everything will be good.

No alimony no child support no emotional involvement etc. & NEVER FALL IN LOVE whatever that is.

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Bronze badge

Re: Treat them alike.

"Just give your partner the exact same attention as the fondle slab & everything will be good."

Won't work. You also have to TALK to the woman and listen to her as well.

Worked well for us, 32 years of marriage, next month.

The honeymoon resumed when the kids moved out of the house. :)

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Anonymous Coward

I just love

All these surveys that quote different numbers of men and women. If you count out the homosexual relationships then these two numbers have just got to match, it takes two to tango as they say. Either that of there are a lot more threesomes/moresomes going on that the researchers are finding out about.

So the main thing we can learn is that there are a lot of people not telling the truth to surveys. Is this news?

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Paris Hilton

Per Lazerus Long

"Everyone lies about sex". If the researchers can get past this, then there statistics will mean something. Until then, Paris may or may not have the answer.

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Wait: "Gross Monthly nookie incident index", is there really such a thing?

And if so, like some of the other posters, I'd like to debate the accuracy of those "official" numbers.

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