back to article Star Wars VII set for Xmas release. Ho, ho, ho... not THIS Christmas

Disney has given Star Wars fans plenty of time to work themselves up into a right state of excitement by announcing that the next movie in the space saga will hit cinemas on 18 December... 2015. According to Reuters, Disney chief exec Bob Iger said: "This, obviously, is one of the most important movies we have in the next few …

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Oh god disney

And they own Justin Biber brand.....

New luke skywalker = justin biber ....

oh god

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Oh god disney

Yes, a lovely happy ending for all ages....

Guns, light sabres and fighting will all be sanitised.

It might even be a musical.

Ahhhhhh

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Oh god disney

The story so far......

Luke is an older father who has a difficult relationship with his daughter

Princess Leia is divorced from Han. They have 3 children. One child has turned into a master criminal, the other two are still at home teens with tantrums.

Han Solo lives in the wreck of the Millennium Falcon, parked outside the interstellar Walmart. He has become an racist alcoholic, this was brought on by finding out 'his' 3 children were actually the product of an affair Leia had with her hairdresser.

Princess Leia has body issues since she put on a lot of weight and wrinkle angst.

Luke finally comes out and admits his sexuality demands to be know as Lucy and only wears 6" heels.

Han is finally evicted, the Millenium Falcon is towed away and put in a crusher.

They are all finally reunited, lots of tears, they group hug and are immediately crushed by a rogue meteor controlled by Princess Leia's eldest daughter...

Cue episode VIII.

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Meh

" Carrie Fisher will DUST OFF HER BIKINI"

Is that a euphemism?.....giggidy

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Oh noes...

Not that I'm overly interested in Star Wars anymore but if they can drop the CGI, drop the kiddi-ness, make it look more grainy and "real" - and tie all of that to a darker storyline a-la "Empire" - then my interest could perk.

But this is Disney right - so no flurking chance of any of that.

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Anonymous Coward

make it look more grainy and "real"

You are aware it's not a documentary???

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WTF?

Re: make it look more grainy and "real"

Well, now I am...

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Re: Oh noes...

Well if it makes you feel any better Pulp Fiction was technically a Disney film (they bought Miramax the year before the film was released).

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Re: Oh noes...

Drop the kiddi-ness? Who do you think the primary audience for these films are?

They'd do better to make it more kid friendly - take away all the tedious political bollocks, the prequel trilogy is probably halfway entertaining (maybe not).

Disney know what they're doing, so it'll probably wind up like the last Iron Man film: a 2hr toy advert, with plenty of spectacle. Unlikely to win any Oscars, but a fine accompaniment to a bucket of popcorn.

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Re: Oh noes...

Sure the primary audience for the 3 prequels was kids, but that's the point. The original 3 were just amazing stories that worked for adults and kids (at least older ones). What updates people is that they took something awesome that was appreciated by kids and adults alike and changed it to attract whatever market segment would bring in the most money. Their choice to make but we don't have to like it.

4,5&6 were epic cinematic experiences, amazing stories well executed. 1-3 just lacked that depth, they were just to blatantly aimed at 4-10 year olds, sadly at the expense of adults.

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JDX
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Re: Oh noes...

IV, V and VI were nothing special. Time - same message to those still campaigning for FireFly S2 - to get over it.

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Re: Oh noes...

Not true - the original three star wars movies WERE special and so was Firefly, but the problem is you can't go back. Any sequel (to either) will lack the same zeitgeist. The actors have moved on, the audience have moved on, the writers have moved on. Any second season of Firefly would be inferior to the original and so would inevitably be disappointing and no Star Wars sequel will ever live up to those original three movies. We need to accept that.

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Re: make it look more grainy and "real"

Wasn't that movie called "District 9" ?

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Drop the CGI? Hell no!

You don't want to see Carrie Fisher's actual body in a bikini, do you? <shudders>

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Re: Oh noes...

"...but the problem is you can't go back. Any sequel (to either) will lack the same zeitgeist." - Fine. Let's assume for a moment I'm buying this. Can someone then PLEASE come up with a few movies fitting with today's zeitgeist, that will be fondly remembered for decades like the original SW is now? Or is that too much to ask...?!? PS: Disney and/or JJ Abrams need not apply, kthxbye.

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Re: Oh noes...

I have only seen the first, episode whatever, and went back to Valérian after that.

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I have one request

Please no more double bladed lightsabers.

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jai
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Re: I have one request

and _that's_ your problem with the prequels???

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Re: I have one request

Not the prequels, but every other Star Wars related show, game etc since Phantom Menace.

The prequels do not exist in this dojo.

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Talks eh ...?

Harrison Ford : For a million bucks a minute I might consider it.

Mark Hamill : Please, please, please give me a part! Even as en extra. I'll do it for free. No actually, I'll pay you. I am BEGGING you. click. Hello? Hello?

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Re: Talks eh ...?

I'm not sure Mark Hamil is that desperate for work. You might not have seen his face in anything lately but if you've watched anything animated in the last 20 years or so you'll probably have heard his voice.

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jai
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Re: Talks eh ...?

Mark Hamil is more famous, these days, for being the voice of the Joker than he is for being Luke Skywalker.

Plus, his deal with the early films was to get one copy of every Star Wars merchandise that was made. He keeps them all in storage. Just imagine, his retirement plan is going to be to sell off all those mint, unopened packets of original toys, you know, the ones that sell for thousands and thousands.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Talks eh ...?

Not to mention his appearance as the Cock Knocker in Jay & Silent Bob!

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Re: Talks eh ...?

These days he could be Jabba the Hut's stunt double, alas.

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Re: Talks eh ...?

@ Dr Who

Mark Hamill, as has been mentioned already, has done a metric shitload (approx 1.6 imperial fucktons) of voice acting work as well as some TV appearances. He has also eaten 2.3 imperial fucktons of pies so lots of brown Jedi robes required.

Harrison Ford might take it on because it was arguably Star Wars that launched him towards being a top star, though as it's Disney and not Lucas running it I can see him wanting lots of dosh. The issue with Harrison Ford coming back to Star Wars is that he's visually recognisable as "Holy Shit, that's Harrison Ford!" (or Indiana Jones or Rick Deckard if you like, but mostly as the actor.) I know that didn't stop Peter Cushing or Alec Guinness from appearing in Episode IV but at the time I was too young to know who they were so didn't get that Actor Shock. I just think that, in order to recognise him in character you'd have to do some clunky shit like "Have you seen Han Solo recently? Oh look, there's Han Solo over there! Hey Han!" "Hey Luke! Look at you! You look fat enough to have eaten an entire gundark"

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is it can be jar jar blinks time nao pl0x?

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You do a great impression of a customer services representative :)

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Anonymous Coward

Spoiler Alert

Luke Skywalker died from shame after discovering that Yoda was in fact a catholic priest with a dubious past ( Luke did not initially realise the meaning of the force rising up inside him).

Princess Leia due to her schizophrenic bouts of Cougerism ran of with a young stormtrooper who offered her her first smoke of crack. ( Side note, Leia eventually had a bastard child that would became the mayor of Toronto - deja vu..... ). Rumours lead us to believe that she ended up in a Thai whorehouse.....

Hans Solo lost his hero status after intergalactic same sex marriages laws became legal. He went on to live a sedentary live with Chewbacca. Apparently he spends a lot of time spitting hairs....

Obi Wan Kenobi reappeared in a vision in which he could be seen investigating shoplifting offences on London's Oxford street dressed as Dixon of Dock Green. A stupid genie had misunderstood Obi Wan's request to remain in the "force" .

The universe went into a long dark quiet period thereafter.......and so ends the saga.

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"The news agency also notes the movie will be shot in Blighty, as were the previous six, for studio purposes at least."

Then Reuters is very wrong, as is The Register (The Recycler) which, as usual has failed to double-check it's sources before going into a CTRL+C CTRL+V frenzy.

Star Wars to Jedi - The studio used was Elstree before the more historic part of the lot was turned into a bloody Tescos.

Phantom - The studio used was Leavesden - before Harry Potter took up residency.

Clones and Sith - Studio principles for both films took place at Fox Studios Australia. The pickups were photographed here too.

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Gimp

Memo: from Darth Abrams to all Sectors

D.Abrams: This will be a day long remembered...it's

seen the end of Lucas and it will soon see the end of

the franchise. By associating myself with Lucas's

success i will soon become more powerful than

you can possibly imagine...also whoever stole my

Space Doughnuts out of the office fridge know this,

I HOLD GRUDGES....end.

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This is not the Christmas you're looking for.

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Gimp

" ITS A TRAP !!!!!"

To JJ, i might possibly consider Torrenting a bad camcorder copy

of episode 7 IF you devote considerably more plot and screen time

to the Admiral Ackbar character. If there's one thing that can save

the franchise then this is it...and yes it is a deal breaker.

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Re: " ITS A TRAP !!!!!"

Could Admiral Ackbar die from Salmonella Poisoning?

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I find your lack of faith disturbing.

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Could the first film not be a single camera 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'-style piece about the shitty day that guy who picked on Luke in the Mos Eisley bar was having?

After getting ripped off selling his neighbours Taun Taun to a 'thieving Jedi', and lamenting a misunderstanding with Peter Cushing's dry cleaner that resulted in him getting 'the death sentence in twelve systems', he could nearly be run down by a brown landspeeder and it could end just as he goes for a drink at a droid-free bar with his clumsy mate to calm himself down.

I love that guy and am far more interested in his crappy life than anyone else's...

Don't tell me his name - I have never wanted to know it!

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Re: that guy who picked on Luke in the Mos Eisley bar

Apologies and warning as the character's name is in the title of this link but it's exactly what you've asked for.

Ah, the Internet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qc6zfoxlJU

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Re: that guy who picked on Luke in the Mos Eisley bar

Ha - Kudos to Robot Chicken - I should have known!

Thanks. :)

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ql
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Alien

Just let it go, Luke...

All

very well

but why can

movie studios not

come up with anything

original these days rather

than flogging to death and while

they ate about itm ruining memories

of the tme and place we saw the originals

.......

(fill in the other half - the best I can do with text only.)

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Bah!

Aiee! The Franchyse Thatte Will Notte Dye!

The phrase I'm searching for rhymes with "clucking bell".

Also: There's something fundamentally wrong with talking about a Star Wars movie and not having the chance of at least some minor confusion as to whether you are talking about episode numbers or film release numbers.

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Re: Bah!

"Aiee! The Franchyse Thatte Will Notte Dye!"

Darn tootin'! As long as there's a dreg (or even less) of value to be gained by exploiting it,

it *will* continue!

Prediction: By 2029, after several mergers and acquisitions;

Star Wars Enterprise: The New Reboot.

After yet another time cock-up, The Federation and the Empire's most elite forces* try to save the Galaxy from Darth Voorhees and his army of Sith Klingons.

*Kirk, Luke, Han, and Spock, aided by Scotty and R2D2,of course

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Star Wars? Xmas?

Lets home it turns out better than last time...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sx5v3VJ4zPM

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JLV
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Flame

Disney & Lucas. Or just Disney?

So not caring about this series.

Still, just in case, here's a wish list to Disney:

Could we have a color palette that is different from the first Halo's, this time? Surely your CGI team can do that?

A plot that holds steady for more than 15 seconds. And that could challenge a 2nd grader.

No more than 58% of the screen time should look like a GoPro moron on acid filming Jackass VI while riding a rollercoaster.

Can the Stormtroopers hit & kill someone? Anyone.

Hey, it's the fight of good vs evil at galactic scale. Can you make it grim, not kiddy-funny? PG, not G-. Empire Strikes Back, not Return of the Jedi w its tacky Ewoks (TM)?

Can you ditch Lucas?

Failing all that, which I am confident you will do, can you please f*ck it up epicly enough so that it becomes even more entertainingly funny to mock without even having to see it? So that not even Roy would be caught dead wearing your overpriced merchandised T-shirts? Can you create another icon of ridicule a la Jar Jar?

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high hopes

I am looking forward to watch the red letter media review of it.

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Wait isn't that to late?

I mean Life Day is already in November, they are going to miss out on all the families going to the cinema to celebrate that.

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Thanks to Disney and eternal copyrights

This farce will be with you, always.

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Coat

I'm afraid...

I can picture the CEO of Disney in front of a large window dressed in a hood and a robe and telling Lucas: "I'm afraid it's the end of your ..... Phitttiful SSSSequels".

===> Hand me my light sabre. Left pocket. The force is weak.

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