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back to article HP CEO Whitman: We've built the PC that GOD wants

HP's CEO Meg Whitman says the company is not just turning around its various messes, but is doing so well it has gleaned sufficient insights into the divine and can build a computer to God's specifications. That computer is the Z1 workstation, of which blog geekbeat.TV recently said “If God needed a computer, this is the one he …

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God's PC?

Are they assuming they'll be going to Heaven when HP dies?

I'm not so sure.

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Not an engineering company, no

"Her last observation was that HP's core competency is engineering and that the company must focus on that discipline."

I completely missed that over the last 15 years, for whatever reason.

Maybe because any bit of software sold by HP (except maybe OVO, and the awfull data protector) has been from a less than 2 years old acquisition, any tape lib is resold, any storage array since EVA is either resold or is from an acquisition. Even consulting is from an acquisition (EDS).

OK, the C7000 stuff is really HP home made, but that's all I can think of ...

At contrary, IBM is still en engineering company, in software, hardware (all the line), systems etc ...

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Re: Not an engineering company, no

HP's not the only place that happened. But it is true that engineers rarely make good businessmen, and, let us say, that businessmen usually make worse engineers.

AST Research was acquired by Samsung on August 11, 1996. Prior to this move, Samsung had already owned a substantial stake and provided considerable financial support to keep AST going. However, Samsung was forced to close the California-based computer maker after a string of losses and a mass defection of research talent.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AST_Research

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Anonymous Coward

I own the top 1,000 people at HP.

I thought Slavery had been abolished?

I have a vested interest in HP doing well as I'm an HP pensioner but Meg is a walking disaster area as were her predecessors.

Their millstone is Itanic and trying to be a real player in the X86 space when for all intents and purposes it is a rapidly shrinking market.

Oh, and trying to configure DL380's is a real nightmare. Almost as bad as trying to work out the correct MS SKU's to order.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I own the top 1,000 people at HP.

" I'm an HP pensioner"

Lots of us about.

"Meg is a walking disaster area as were her predecessors."

Looks that way.

"Their millstone is Itanic"

Itanic is a drain on finances, but says even more about HP management's (lack of) understanding of that market sector. People were buying HP-UX, and NonStop, and VMS, they mostly weren't interested in Itanic even in the Merced days where on paper it had some advantages over x86. Nowadays, what is there that couldn't be done just as well on those OSes on volume market AMD64 hardware?

"Almost as bad as trying to work out the correct MS SKU's to order."

Or trying to buy something from HP or a reseller. Or use the HP support website. Or (list continues endlessly).

Lost the plot, they have.

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Re: I own the top 1,000 people at HP.

Reading that remark in the way I hope it was intended as opposed to the literal interpretation which also raised my eyebrow it still reeks of hubris. I'm sorry, I have never met anyone who is capable of consistently evaluating 1,000 people and their fitness for a given position. Hell, I doubt I've ever met anyone who can say that about a mere 100 people. I'd say that number is about 30 max. After that you are depending on their good judgement to get you 900 over whom you have fairly direct impact, but they are still reporting to the guys reporting to you. After that things start to get diluted pretty quickly, even if you can fire any of them on the spot if they give offense to you.

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Headmaster

This is an outrage!

God is not restricted to your puny low-orders-of-P-only computing, heathen!

That product does not even do BQP!

(No God-botherer or Cause-of-Today icon? Irate prof, then)

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Futility

"Whitman, a former Republican candidate for the governorship of California"...

Well the woman is certainly well versed in futile pursuits. The taliban have as much chance of getting a seat at Westminster as any Republican has of becoming governor of California.

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Terminator

Re: Futility

See icon

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Re: Futility

6 of the last 10 Governors were Republican

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Meh

Re: Futility

"Well the woman is certainly well versed in futile pursuits. The taliban have as much chance of getting a seat at Westminster as any Republican has of becoming governor of California."

I'd forgotten what a fine Democrat Governor Schwarzenegger was.

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Re: Futility

""Whitman, a former Republican candidate for the governorship of California"...

Well the woman is certainly well versed in futile pursuits. The taliban have as much chance of getting a seat at Westminster as any Republican has of becoming governor of California."

Do you mean 'anymore', or what? It is kind of hard to dismiss the fact that the majority of the time since 1900 California has had Republican governors. Or are you just a Dem fanboi? I hate fanbois.

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Anonymous Coward

Can someone please

translate all that management bolllocks in to English.

As far as i could make out is, I've made a pc for God, as I am the messiah and beneath me I have a load of slaves who I will kill off if they are not up to the job. We made a lot of shit stuff and now we aim to sell less shit stuff to less people.

Am I close?

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.. But a website from hell

Also, I imagine it would want a taller aspect ratio and higher pixel density.

That said, he'd also want something better than a single quad core.

The best I can see right now would be a workstation with 2x Xeon E5-2697 v2. 24 cores, 48 threads @ 2.7GHz / Ivy Bridge.

Although it looks like Q1 2014, this theoretical deity could get EIGHT Xeon E7-8890 v2. That's 120 cores, 240 threads @ 2.8GHz / Ivy Bridge.

I think that's a bit more worthy of some kind of hyperbole.

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Oh?

Does God get the choice of what Operating System he wants to use?

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Angel

Re: Oh?

What about endianness then? Is he a Big or a Little one? We deserve to know

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Thumb Up

Re: Oh?

Ooh! Does it have a SMITE key?

// Far Side icon appears to be missing

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TRT
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IT Angle

Re: Oh?

Where's the IT angel?

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Devil

Re: Oh?

Well, gods don't run Windows.

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God needs a data farm

If the definition of a God is omnipotence then that can only mean she's built some hardware for the all knowing, all seeing Google.

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Anonymous Coward

What a nice interview discussion, with the kicker at the end , should you work for me I will "own you".

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Trollface

hpwned!

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WTF?

WTF? Did she not read past the synopsis in the MBA handbook?

1) Select a target market 2) Make a product 3) Hire and/or fire people

The problem with her eBay experience is that eBay had first mover advantage with a new and attractive concept. Quite the opposite of the HP problem. Also, she correctly puts engineering centre stage, but appears clueless about what building stuff actually entails.

Surprised she has made it past the two-year marker.

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Meis culpis, surely, given mea culpa is in the ablative case?

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Deus culpa

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Mea maxima culpa...

Someone stole my Toyota?

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What would a god need with a computer?

See title.

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Angel

Re: What would a god need with a computer?

Indeed, he would be better off with a psalm pilot.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: What would a god need with a computer?

Moses had a tablet.

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Re: What would a god need with a computer?

I think he had two of them. Three if you like Mel Brooks.

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x76

My IT pals moan and roll their eyes out-doing one another telling tales of how crappy HP hardware is. The stuff of LEGEND. So I gather that Meg feels that God wants a DOA computer built on trailing edge technology? Amazing. How is it that she is not removed?

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Re: My IT pals moan and roll their eyes out-doing one another

Grasshopper, such was not always the case. Sadly the youth of today no longer remember when HP was a leading technology company along with IBM. To own an HP engineering calculator was the mark of a true geek. Of course that was also a time when they were more known for selling oscilloscopes, chromatography equipment (gas or liquid), as well as chemical supplies and lasers. The company today is not as it was then. What it is now is perhaps a shadow of a reflection refracted through a dusty lens.

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Anonymous Coward

God does not want to spend much of his time on tech-admin and malware stuff, he has therefore decided to switch to heaven computing where most worries are outsourced.

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Anonymous Coward

God would want an Apple. It's written in the Book of Jobs.

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God knows what became of mankind last time an apple was picked.

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I think I am going to buy a MacPro

I never thought I would say that but Microsoft has been well and truly Balmered (=Bollo#ed) and the only good HP now is on a bottle of brown sauce...........

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Engineering Company?

From what I have observed, HP breeds the worst engineers I ever encountered - engineers who speculates instead of analyse. Worse than those 'expert opinions'.

P. S. I am a contractor for HP.

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Re: Engineering Company?

Those are the ones who didn't jump or get pushed off a cliff when Carly took over.

I know plenty of folks from HP. It's not a bad place to be _from_.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Engineering Company?

"Those are the ones who didn't jump or get pushed off a cliff when Carly took over.

I know plenty of folks from HP. It's not a bad place to be _from_."

So (sadly) true. I think what we're looking at now is Carly II, all flash and no pan. I think by "Engineering" she meant hardware, as HP has always flirted with software engineering, but other than operating systems, manufacturing suites (long live MM3000 et. al.), and the OpenView-type stuff (oops, showing my age here), there hasn't been much if any software of note escaping the hallowed halls of HP since the 1980s-90s...funny thing, that's the last time Bill and Dave were involved with the company...

With Carly and the "Hurd mentality" eviscerating the labs, spinning off or shutting down pieces of the company that used to cross-pollinate each other with ideas, products/assemblies, and engineers (real ones), there's nothing left but a whitewashed tomb (what some folks term the "new" building in Boeblingen) bereft of focus, direction or ideas.

No labbies/engineers, no ideas = no new products (homegrown, at least).

And to say that she "owns" the top 1000 people? What does she expect to hear, "YO Massa (er, Missus), I go up to de big house" ????!!!

If she really believes that HP is an "Engineering Company" (as it was, and really should be), then she should get out and let a real engineer run it.

Er, HP hasn't had an engineer at the helm since Dave Packard....maybe that says something....

Finally, the Borg, er, Board has a hand in this as well...one wonders if the intent (from Carly onward) was to take HP down.....

Hope it doesn't end like Humpty dumPty.....

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Re: HP hasn't had an engineer at the helm since Dave Packard

Most good engineers aren't good CEOs. I don't recall how well the company was doing financially at that time but their products were all at least serviceable even when they weren't top of the line. And there were certainly more top of the line products than serviceable back then. But I think if you are a technology company one of your CxO types has to be from an engineering background, even if you have to create a new CxO title for him to sit with the CEO and the CFO. And the other CxOs have to weigh his opinions carefully. From time to time it may be proper to overrule him, but he can't just be a false front for the rulers of the empire.

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