High profile attorney Michael Bromwich, fresh from his latest stint as the top US offshore drilling watchdog, has been tapped to serve as Apple's antitrust compliance monitor. The lawyer will check that the fruity firm's competition practices and procedures are up to scratch for the next two years, after a court found it guilty …
A coincidence perhaps?
"President Obama Vetoes ITC Ban On iPhone, iPads; Apple Happy, Samsung Not"
But..."Obama Lets ITC Ruling Stand, Some Samsung Phones Banned"
Apple is excited to offer this unique opportunity to well-motivated team players capable of effectively hiding Apple's corrupt business practices from the government and the public at large. The ideal candidate will have extensive experience in legal council for similar business operations, such as narcotics or arms dealing, and will have a well-rounded understanding of money laundering.
Candidates should apply in person after midnight, in the alley at the back of the Cupertino building, wearing a trench coat and dark glasses.
Specialists in Barn Door security
Barn Door Security Manual
Step one: Remove horses from barn.
Step two: Install top security lock on barn door.
Step three: Close and lock barn door.
Step four: trebles all 'round!
Yes, but what he thought was...
"I am deeply honoured to have been selected by the court to serve as the monitor in this matter, and my whole family is looking forward to receiving our new selection of brand spanking new iDevices and free access to all those lovely apps, music, movies and TV shows,"
"Ex-offshore drilling monitor will keep Apple on the right side of the law, after ebook price-fixing scandal, by adjusting business practices to remain legal if unethical"
...to be the first director of the corrupt Bureau of Ocean Energy Management Regulation and Enforcement,
which replaced Obama's renaming of the corrupt Minerals Management Service after the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in 2010
In accordance with the political philosophy of "if you call it by a different name, the public will forget it's still the same thing".
Err - it says "Apple appoints..." but it's clear to me that's incorrect.
Apple did not appoint him - the Court did, to watch over Apple.
- Updated Zucker punched: Google gobbles Facebook-wooed Titan Aerospace
- Elon Musk's LEAKY THRUSTER gas stalls Space Station supply run
- Windows 8.1, which you probably haven't upgraded to yet, ALREADY OBSOLETE
- Mounties always get their man: Heartbleed 'hacker', 19, CUFFED
- Opportunity selfie: Martian winds have given the spunky ol' rover a spring cleaning