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back to article Bonking boffins say bacon biters won't breed

Swap the breakfast bacon for kippers, gents, because the bad news is that bacon – along with other processed meats – is associated with poor semen quality. If you can keep your processed meat intake below an average of the equivalent of a rasher per day of bacon and still retain your will to live, you might manage 30 per cent …

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Bonking Boffins

Hang on, where's the NFC ang... oh wait, I guess it doesn't get much nearer does it?

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Well at my age

The last thing I'm concerned about is semen quality, so shove another couple of rashers under the grill for me.

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Re: Well at my age

Indeed, it tastes better than condoms as well.

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Re: Well at my age

I've never been concerned about it at any age. It's not like there's a shortage of children, or that we need a great many fertile men (as a fraction of the population) to keep the supply up, or that any given male has such fabulously wonderful genes that he owes it to society to take precautions.

I got my kid the old-fashioned way - married her mom - and it's worked out just fine.

Given the choice between siring children and eating bacon, I'll opt for the latter. I can always adopt more children,1 but there's no good alternative to delicious processed meats.

1Not likely, to be honest, now that I have a grandchild I see almost every day. That's pretty much the ideal child-interaction arrangement: most of the fun stuff for a small fraction of the effort.

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So seafood grilled with bacon equals... ?

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Something that requires some melted cheese to become perfection.

Bacon and melted cheese improve any meal.

Possibly with a nice habanero/ scotch bonnet sauce, if you fancy.

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I wouldn't say that around your cardiologist...

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Pint

On the other hand

If you eat a lot of bacon and want kids, it just means you'll have to have sex that much more often to increase the odds of conception.

A win win, I say!

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No more makin' bacon then?

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Hard of hearing

Come again?

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Anonymous Coward

fish?

Wear a cod piece instead

:o

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Re: fish?

Where a cod piece?

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Re: fish?

'ware the codpiece!

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"the small sample size ..."

I see what you did there

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Boffin

Any fule kno...

... that fish are better swimmers than pigs.

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Stop with this research

The last thing that we want is for the mericans to increase their sperm count.......less of them mean more for us...(mericans that is, not sperm)

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Re: Stop with this research

Less americans for them means more americans for us? DO NOT WANT!

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We are all DOOOOOMED!

Yet another story that tells us to eat/drink/behave differently to increase our re-productivity. Why? Aren;t there enough bloody people on the planet already. What we need is MORE BACON, and beer and anything else that decreases sperm count. In some cases a pair of bricks would be most effective,..... ;-)

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Happy

Re: We are all DOOOOOMED!

Don't worry about those condoms love, I've just had a bacon sandwich.

[...as said by Julian Assange... Allegedly...]

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Re: We are all DOOOOOMED!

" In some cases a pair of bricks would be most effective"

Doesn't that hurt?

...

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Gimp

Re: We are all DOOOOOMED!

Yes, if she does it correctly.

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PJI
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Happy

Re: We are all DOOOOOMED!

No. Bricks can't feel a thing.

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Re: Doesn't that hurt?

It happened to Arnie, forget which episode.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Hero_(UK_TV_series)

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Yag

Who need breeding if you can have BACON?

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We need some way to improve the fertility of the bacon producing pigs.

So we can get more bacon.

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Isn't this a good thing?

So bacon acts as a mild contraceptive? Less painful than going for the snip.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Isn't this a good thing?

Yes, but they gave me some good drugs when I got mine done. I think it was to keep me from running away in terror.

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Fish as alternative to bacon...

Aside from the benefits already mentioned, there is the additional benefit that it would allow us to glow in the dark! (From all the toxic waste that the fish will have consumed from all the shit we throw away).

Although it will be getting harder and harder to follow that route (of eating fish) due to the continuing decline of the marine environment caused by too much unsustainable commercial fishing methods and the previously mentioned shit that we keep dumping in the sea! All in the name of profit (of the few).

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Re: Fish as alternative to bacon...

"the additional benefit that it would allow us to glow in the dark!"

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4605202.stm

Can't wait for a thick rasher of glow in the dark bacon, will make post-pub ninja snack time easier if I don't have to turn the kitchen lights on.

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Facepalm

Re: Fish as alternative to bacon...

post-pub ninja snack

er, sorry...read that as post-jub ninja snack

never mind

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Anonymous Coward

Joking aside...

I'd extrapolate from that "research" that it's probably little to do with bacon and fish specifically and more to do with men who eat lots of processed meat probably having poorer diets (and very probably general lifestyles) overall than those who eat lots of fish (and other healthy foods...).

Of course, if I was a trick cyclist looking to put a shine on some statistically dubious "findings", I'd slather them in bacon grease and take the headlines!

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This post has been deleted by its author

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Black Helicopters

Follow the money!

Odds that this research was funded by The Vegetarian Society?

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Re: Follow the money!

Fucking NONE you murdering neanderthal.

We enlightened, EVOLVED HUMANS don't want you to reproduce. We WANT you to choke on your immoral life choices and not POLUTE our EARTH with your out-dated FASCIST pig morality. (Yes, i meant that irony! but you wouldn't understand irony becayuseyour fat-soaked brains have been slowed an destroyed by the government and their meat-for-compliance NWO).

I think I started turning that (wing)nut clockwise and counter-clockwise.

Seriosuly, am I the only person who sees: "More bacon; less children" as less of a warning and more a quasi-humourous slogan inexpertly screen printed on a market-stall t-shirt next to the equally-valid (and equally-poorly screen printed) "Save water; drink beer"?

Sorry for swearing.

And the near-pathological over-use of the hyphen.

P.S. - please el Reg, don't take my HTML away from me. Perhaps I got carried away because it's all new to me but I swear it was for a good cause*.

* - It's late, I've have a long day and I find myself terribly amusing.

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Re: Follow the money!

Darn it! I meant: "becayuseyou're fat-soaked brains . . . "

I'm sure I accidentally missused a "their" in there as well. (Aswell.)

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Coat

Smoke me a kipper...

...I'm staying for breakfast.

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Paris Hilton

Fire up the grill!

I don't want to be gettin' any hos pregnant so I better increase the processed meat consumption.

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I sometimes wonder how I ever had a child ...

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The promise of a post coital bacon sarnie is a definite pre-requisite in my case.

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should be pre-coital

It should be a pre-coital sarnie, the you can dispose of the condoms

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Bacon is Meat Candy, dammit!

Anyone maligning it must be sent to the re-education camps.

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I read this article

with my mobile phone in my pocket and my laptop on my lap, while eating a bacon sarnie..

bugger

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WTF?

Parm ham

So if I wrap parma ham around my willy, is that as effective

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