Shopping Hell... Never
I like shopping, yes, married man, 2.4 children, leave wife and kids at home and shop on my own. It is highly therapeutic and peaceful.
Ask politely 'excuse me please' to get past fat guy and fat girlfriend who have used their trolley to block aisle, smile as they move and say 'thank you' to which fat guy mutters under his breadth 'fcuk off'.
How rude I thought.
Turn on him as if I were Satan Himself and tell him in no uncertain terms that I would quite happily beat the bejabbers out of him and rip his nuts off and.... Get the picture. Finally said in quiet menacing tone 'don't ever tell me to fcuk off you fat fcuk'.
Left said fat couple in isle to contemplate their mistake.
Avoided self checkouts and self scanning to engage in conversation with lady at checkout. Advised by manager that I could use the self checkout and responded 'where would the fun be in that?'
Finally smiled broadly at fat couple in aisle directly next to me and watched as they immediately avoided eye contact.
Another successful shopping trip, I got a £2.24 savings voucher and 5p of my litre of petrol.