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back to article Look out, Gartner: Behold the El Reg all-Flash Quadragon™ wonder map-o-graphic

There is a famous 4-box diagram, the one to end all 4-box diagrams; Gartner's Magic Quadrant. How would the all-flash array vendors; start-ups and mainstreamers alike, fare if located in a 4-box diagram space? The storage desk here at El Reg did just that, using its sophisticated lower abdominal sensing organ and its patent- …

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Anonymous Coward

Look out...

I see a Gartner-shaped lawsuit coming your way...

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Complete failure

Everyone knows that any decent scatter chart should be segmented into a 3x3 array, nowadays, so you can easily filter the "middle-of-the-pack" out.

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Re: Complete failure

Surely to draw the middle of the pack you should be using some sort of non-parametric estimation for the density of the points and then calculating a 50% contour...?

You could then draw the axes through the centroid of this and turn it into the crosshairs of doom.

Of course, however you present it, it is still nonsense (tm).

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Manky Quadragon?

I guess it fits in with the cute (but not that cute) little Snapdragon mascot that keeps getting plastered over the site borders lately.

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This post has been deleted by its author

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Obviously

El Reg likes Violin?

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Paris Hilton

Re: Obviously

El Reg has recently been taken to lunch* by Violin.

*lunch being anything from a swift half and a packet of nuts in the local boozer to a full blown evenings introduction to SaaS (Strippers as a Service) charged to the Company American Express.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Obviously

We all know it's true. They've even admitted it here.

At least I now know what it means when El Reg write an article on their strict SaaS benchmarking...

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Anonymous Coward

We are going through a full flash evaluation at the moment. Still waiting on demos from well everyone..... but in our pre-analysis kaminario and pure are the standouts. IBM well I personally dont like the design as its a bit tough to maintain in environments where you get limited cable slack. Netapp well they need to get flashray out because the e series seems severely limited in their shoe horning attempt to get something to market. EMC we are avoiding due to cost purely and a painful UI at least when we tested the older VNX5300. Overall I think there is still a lot of innovation to come and these smaller companies seem to be taking it a bit more seriously than the big guys course a lot of that is probably due to corporate red tape at the bigger places. I havent been this excited to get demo units for quite a while as I want to see how hard we can push them.

Anon because my employer says i shouldnt talk.

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Interesting how you would compare a VNX to XtremeIO, when they have nothing in common... Nothing.

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Pirate

Cold Calls

Me: "Hello"

Him: "Hi, this is James Sausage from Stuffers Data Service. Have you heard of us?"

Me: "No. You say you make sausage?"

Him: "Ha ha. No, we are a relatively new company that provides the Stuffit Data Silo, and we are in the Gartner Magic Quadrant [ *sparkle-sparkle* ]. Have you ever heard of Stuffit Data Silo?"

Me: "No, I can't say that I have"

Him: "Oh, well, the Stuffit Data Silo integrates into your <blah blah blah > leverages <blah blah> cloud based <blah blah blabbity blah>. We..."

<click>

In general, once a cold-call salesperson tells me (proudly, always) that they are in the Gartner Magic Quadrant [ *sparkle-sparkle* ], the phone call is basically over. It's just a question of how soon I will hang up.

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Magic Ovoid

Having lost faith in mainstream analysts and tired of paying for their lunches we developed and deployed our own internal system based on the same sorcery used by Gartner. We call it 'The Magic Ovoid'.

The Magic Ovoid works as follows. We put the names of all the vendors who call on us each week onto their own small sheet of paper. The papers are placed into The Magic Ovoid and the employee who won the 'Most Impossible to Answer Vendor Question Award' that week defecates into The Magic Ovoid. Our patented random hydraulic mixing technology sorts the papers and magic ingredients and automatically disposes of those which are unsuitable. The winning name (or names) that remain in The Magic Ovoid are then used as the targets for the following weeks 'Most Impossible to Answer Vendor Question' contest.

All in all we have found that just adding some shit to random marketing gibberish provides results at least as accurate as those of analysts. Our methods are significantly cheaper and easily replicated by any interested parties using only equipment and supplies found in every office.

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Coat

The Obvious Way to Decide

Coldfire. Because it has the coolest name.

(Specs? What are those?)

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Boffin

Re: The Obvious Way to Decide

Specs? What are those?

Specs? They're the things you put on the end of your nose, in order to be able to read the technical blurb that the nice man is trying to avoid handing over to you at all costs...

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RAS

Ok, ok. Why isn't Apple in that diagram?? What - they don't innovate anymore?? Pshaw!!

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I think from this reading, it's basically a 3-way tie for the most part, Violin, Pure, and the potential for EMC to make a move.

I know of some EMC demo boxes out in the wild, and I'll leave it at that. I know of a LOT of EMC folks moving over to Pure from the sales and SE side of things.

All EMC needs to do is actually hurry up with a product. Pure is getting the sales team together, from EMC, and needs to get some big wins, and marquee customers. As for Violin, I have yet to see them in my patch of the woods.

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"Gartner"

Sorry, I never, ever read past the string "Gartner".

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