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back to article Watch BLUBBERING BILLION-DOLLAR BALLMER: Microsoft goodbye love-gush leaks

Footage of a teary and emotional Steve Ballmer professing his love for Microsoft at a farewell bash has hit the web. The outgoing outgoing CEO told 13,000 workers that the company is like his fourth child, but that “children do leave the house... in this case, I guess I’m going to leave the house”. Ballmer opened his heart to …

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No mic

He's not actually wearing a microphone. He's just talking in a manner he considers normal.

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I don't know what's worse, having the knowledge that this idiot of a man became so successful making some of the worst decisions ever or watching the people who actually seem to think highly of him.....

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Devil

aka...

"...the people who actually seem to think highly of him...."

Translated:-

The people who have to appear to think highly of him, if they want to stay employed.

A bit like a Kim Jong Un rally, except the consequences for non-compliance aren't quite so severe.

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I believe you hate Microsoft and their products as most people does, even though y use them on a regular base pretending that you don't need them. So, if you don't like their products why do you care about Ballmer's decisions and if you don't care about his decisions why do you call him a idiot.... or wait, you do care that he is successful... and you are not :)))

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The scary thing is that he might actually believe it

"It’s about a company .. that’s innovative, that’s ethical, .. and lets people round the world realize their full potential.”

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Windows

Re: The scary thing is that he might actually believe it

Not scary, funny...

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Re: The scary thing is that he might actually believe it

I wonder which company he is referring to, and why he doesn't go work for them, instead?

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Glow sticks

Why do the audience all have glow sticks? Shouldn't they be waving chair legs?

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Re: Glow sticks

Personally I think they should be waving torches and pitchforks.

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Coat

Re: Glow sticks

It's a Freudian thing....

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I'm a little verklempt. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDXEgBh0TF0

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Nobody...

...puts Balmy in the corner.

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Saying it with Blackadder...

Ballmer: You're like a fourth child to me...Not a favourite child, good lord no! More like the spotty illegitimateback stairs little squid that no-body really likes; but fruit of my overactive loins nonetheless...

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It's rather surreal, especially when you realise the seemingly kind, naïve and emotional weirdo onstage is a multibillionaire, one of the richest men in the world, that everything about this performance is completely stage-managed, that his very departure from the company, years early and unexpected by many, led to the stock price of Microsoft rising significantly, i.e. may well have also been stage-managed to that end specifically...even the yellow T-shirt worn by the apparently kindly freak is designed to make him more visible on stage and on camera. It's a well-made piece of theatre for people who are within the Microsoft distortion field (employees) and of course completely ineffective on anyone else.

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At least he didn't sing.

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I was thinking that too.

This man is worth more than most countries.

It isn't like a traditional moving on / early retirement where they pass a card round and you have a pint with them before the last bus home, this is the CEO of one of the world's most powerful companies.

Albeit the CEO who captained the ship into the icebergs of Zune, Vista, Windows 8 and Windows Phone 8.

The fanaticism on display is scary. I've read elsewhere that MS now has a culture of in-fighting between teams / managers / co-workers. Each trying to 'out-Microsoft' the other.

The whole manufactured and stage managed set up reminded me of a WWE character in the ring....

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Anonymous Coward

Their employees? Surely the reality distortion field mainly works on customers.

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Yellow and singing

He always reminds me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bt9xBuGWgw

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Re: Surely the reality distortion field mainly works on customers.

Sales figures for the Surface say otherwise.

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a53

You forget the ubiquitous Surface tablet. So successful they had to scrap nearly $100 million of the useless items because they couldn't sell them.

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hahahahaha

AAAAAhahahahahahahahahhahahhahahahahaa......

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Re: hahahahaha

That sounds a lot like Southpark's Cartman reacting to the angry midget. Somewhat appropriate indeed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ODKHAHc6qc

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This post has been deleted by its author

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Balmer - the sitcom dad

He would probably be a good sitcom dad. Someone should make a sitcom with him - or about him.

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Re: Balmer - the sitcom dad

So farewell then, the Homer Simpson of Software Solutions.

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Yes Steve, children do leave home

But that's not really what happened here is it?

More like the old boy has let the house fall into disrepair, so they have shipped him off to a care home where they will make increasingly infrequent visits until everyone forgets about him.

Meanwhile they can move in to the old property, which should be worth quite a bit after they've fixed it up.

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Mushroom

Soak it in

You suck!

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abu

perplexity...

... is what pervades you when you stop and try to define what you think of a culture which produces political rallies, executives farewells, pop concerts and wrestlings matches that are all virtually indistinguishable from each other.

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Anonymous Coward

The same patern.

Indeed surreal and this piece of theatre is only working in closed ecosystem/universe as is/was Microsoft monopoly ...

It really amazing to see the same piece of Theatre @ Oracle ecosystem/universe

" Ellison ditches own cloud keynote for billionaires' America's Cup boat race "

Ellison also missed some big new technology evolution ( the sift to www business applications, in-memory databases, common hardware etc ).

It's the same décor or story line :

- Microsoft => Surface and buying Nokia, mirroring Apple succes

- Oracle => Exadata and buying Sun, mirroring IBM succes

- Both companies are number one in there sector

- Both companies are enormous and very pride

- Both companies are still making huge money

- However booth organisation are now viewed as playing catchup.

- Both chiefs a mocking competitors in public ... but after 2 years they are aping this competitor with the same solution/strategy.

- Both companies have a lot to lose because both of there prime milking products are being in a process of commoditization and this process is accelerating.

Look they now are even playing nice together. ( Oracle on azure ... )

An indication that booth universes have stopped expanding and are starting to contract due to new competitors or technical shifts witch completely changed there modus apparatus !????

"It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change." - Charles Darwin

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Go

Glow bands

Can I have one of those glow-in-the-dark wristbands for my 5 year old daughter? It looks quite age appropriate for her.

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Re: Glow bands

I guess they're these things (as used by Coldplay)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9omIFgPE_M

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Religion and business shouldn't mix.

Not in megachurches, not in Microsoft.

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Thumb Up

Microsoft Can't Hold Us

...so I moved to FreeBSD and Linux years ago.

(I may have misread the punctuation)

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Ethical?

Ethical? This was the company whose lawyers stated "ethical standards do not apply to matters relating to IPR" after it had breached multiple NDAs ref TADAG.

This is the company that did the US government's dirty work for them, believing that US control was more important than delivering the paradigm shift for global IT security that would have prevented the internet soup that we have today.

This is the man who missed the $trillion opportunity.

David Gale

www.TADAG com

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Facepalm

Sorry, but when I see Ballmer I think Del-Boy!

"Gawd blimey darling. What I have 'ere is all kosher, no don't laugh love! It's all pukka stuff, no not made in Japan or China but the technology manufacturing captial of the world, Uzbekistan! Now I'm not askin' a pony, a donkey or a zebra, to you darling...a fiver! Go on, you're robbing me blind!"

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Anonymous Coward

"MAKE THEM WEAR SHINY BRACELETS!

I want to see them fucking clap when I cry."

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Anonymous Coward

The bracelets were packed with explosives

The only way to stop them going off was to slap you hands together every few seconds.

(Look nobody lost any hands and the gig went down well so stop trying to turn it into something nasty.)

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Anonymous Coward

Look back retrospectively

That's hardly innovative, there's no other way to look back.

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Why Ballmer?

Agree that Steve was a total dodo from the word go. What I don't understand is why Bill put Ballmer in charge in the first place? Maybe it amused him to have someone called "Steve" head-to-head against the late Mr. Jobs? Maybe he knew Ballmer was clueless (heck, it didn't require much insight) and would make Bill's period of tenure look even better. I guess Ballmer is to Microsoft as Sculley was to Apple.

Well, so long Monkey-man. Don't hurry back...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Why Ballmer?

The whole show just says 'I know nothing but I can make Bill laugh'. Either that or 'PANIC'.

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Re: Why Ballmer?

You're overthinking it. He lef the company to his best friend who he probably knew wouldn't be successful anywhere else. I think we all probably have a friend we know isn't too bright and try and help them out when we can.

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Re: Why Ballmer?

Horrific thought, but possibly some truth in it. What's even scarier (I didn't realise this) is that Gates is apparently responsible for picking Ballmer's successor. So what do we get - Bill's second best friend? If I worked for Microsoft, I'd be putting a lot of spit and polish into that CV. Yes, sir....

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Ballmer always lacked any hint of "class"

Watching him go full retard at the end, arms pumping, screaming "Yeah!" to himself, just goes to show that no matter how rich you are, you can't buy class.

Hope I never have to listen to that voice ever again - worse than fingernails down a blackboard. He's certainly no loss to the industry which will be better off - irrespective of what happens to Microsoft - with his forced retirement.

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Microsoft can't hold us

Did anyone notice the 'Microsoft can't hold us' slogan in the auditorium?

Are employees leaving in such numbers that Microsoft has to admit it?

Or maybe Microsoft is proud that of their shrinkage?

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>> Steve Ballmer: "This is a company that is innovative and ethical."

I don't know which planet Ballmer lives on, but it's not planet Earth. Microsoft has single-handedly turned the word 'innovative' into a platitude. And as far as Ethics go, you couldn't find a worse example of abusive market behaviour or underhanded tactics against competitors.

FairSearch, ICOMP, patent trolling, antitrust, outright stealing of competitor products, the list goes on and on. The sooner Microsoft becomes the next Nokia/Blackberry, the better as far as I'm concerned.

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