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back to article Want FREE BEER for the rest of your life?

We'd all like to save money on beer: we journos perhaps more than most as we are a notoriously thirsty bunch and expense accounts just aren't what they were in the old days. The most obvious method of doing so, rising up and slaughtering those who tax and water the workers' beer, isn't really viable. So, as so often in this …

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Silver badge

Been there, done that. More than once.

Large quantities of active yeast in the human gastro intestinal tract, along with sugars, makes for serious issues that the general public will never run across.

Doesn't mean I will stop tasting, though ... It's crush here in Sonoma ;-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Of course you have.

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@AC 06:19 (was: Re: Been there, done that. More than once.)

Yes, I have.

Have you?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Used to boast like that.... When I was 5.

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Stop

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Just wondering, is this another jake vs. anonymous coward?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

I think it's another "look at me everyone. I'm so insecure with my life I have to boast about how amazing it is, on a UK-based IT website" post from jake.

To be fair, he's been here for a lot longer than most of the rest of us but I think he would be better off using his amazingly diverse life-experience to examine his posts and question why he feels the need to constantly show off about himself to a bunch of strangers.

I sincerely hope he finds happiness one day because, despite his protestations to the contrary, he clearly hasn't found it yet.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Ffs, jake - give it a rest. We don't believe you, you're not funny and your posts are frankly tiresome. I see your contributions as a form of graffiti from an angry teenager. Even my 11 year old knows when enough is enough.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Frankly, I don't give a flying fart whether Jake's life is/was as full and glorious as he makes out. It could well be.

But his continuous bragging about it is fecking tiresome.

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Bronze badge
FAIL

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Of course you've been there and done that Jake. Was this, uh, before or after you wrote spaceship firmware/software? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1937539

Or maybe became a cowherder? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1948731

Or pioneered the cellphone generation? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1950431

Or became Microsoft MCM, MCSM and MCA certified? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1955006

Or became a "sophisticated hacker" http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1959679 where your sophistication is only matched by your modesty...

Or maybe became a self-employed 'conslutant'(sic) earning $BIGBUCKS hiring and firing for Fortune500s? http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1876058

In short Jake, I believe the words I'm looking for are WHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHAHAHAHA. Although I do like the idea of becoming a conslutant - is that where you advise ladies of the night on their attire?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

You're barely scratching the surface:

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/containing/1943867

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Joke

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Hahahaha the man's truly incredible!!! Jakey Jakey, when are you going to write your memoirs? Please, you owe it to humanity!!!

Joke, because yes Jake, you are one.

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Silver badge

Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

The Russians also sent Jake up in Thunderbird 1 to give Laika CPR.

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Re: Been there, done that. More than once.

Bloody hell, a real Johnny fiveskin here. Never thought I'd see one here.

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Walter Mitty or Baron Munchausen?

You decide.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Walter Mitty or Baron Munchausen?

Walter Munchausen

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Silver badge

Re: Been there, done that...

That's nothing. My dad's Bruce Lee, and he drives me to school in K.I.T.T.

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A freind of mine had that problem

and, as someone who thinks the weekly unit count is a daily target, I would not like to have that - he was not well and being pissed all the time takes the fun out of it.

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Go

There is no problem

"I really see only one problem: it's going to be damn difficult to offer the object of our desires another drink in order to get them into bed for the first time."

Tim, you have to look at the problem from a different point of view. The more pissed you get, the more objects of desire there will be. Hence the higher the chance to get one of them into bed. As we all know: those who drink a lot have more sex with ugly people.

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Re: There is no problem

Would question the wisdom of two people with serious yeast infections getting jiggy with it.

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Silver badge

First round's on me!

Subsequent rounds are in me.

(Open wide...)

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Pint

“auto-brewery” syndrome

I'll take one. Make it two.

And a packet of pork scratchings.

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Silver badge

Re: “auto-brewery” syndrome

"I'll take one. Make it two. And a packet of pork scratchings."

Rub your hand in salt, then stick it in the deep fryer for "auto-pork scratchings syndrome".

Which brings to mind the work of English literary genius that was "Horace".

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I really did have that

You may not believe Jake, but I did have that about 20 years ago - initially misdiagnosed as ME. It's nowhere nears as nice as it sounds. It wasn't like being drunk all the time but more like permanently coping with a hangover. An anti yeast treatment sorted me out and I was so happy that it did.

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Farty?

Having once experienced the excessive fruity flatulence resulting of drinking some homebrew that had not quite finished fermenting, I would expect there to be somewhat of an anti-social side they failed to mention!

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Joke

Fruity Flatulance?

Sounds like our resident office fanboi talking about his latest finger scanning shiny toy.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Farty?

Having once experienced the excessive fruity flatulence resulting of drinking some homebrew that had not quite finished fermenting, I would expect there to be somewhat of an anti-social side they failed to mention!

Could get interesting if such people get cremated. Gas for combustion, and alcohol to sustain it..

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Coat

Re: Farty? Gas for combustion?

The trouble is, the gas produced by the fermentation process is CO2.

I'd guess the alcohol will be absorbed by the body, so only the gas will be expelled.

So people afflicted with this are some kind of farty fire extinguishers???

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Re: Farty?

Yes indeed. In parts of the Rhineland, they have a tradition of drinking 1 week in ferment (i.e. unfinished, sweet, bubbling and slightly yeasty) white wine with onion tart. Makes you feel warm inside, and not more than 2 glasses are recommended, unless you want to get up multiple times in the night.

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Anonymous Coward

So, unsafe convictions?

This may get interesting from a DOU perspective. The bottom line is that you're picked up with an alcohol reading in your blood, so where it comes from is from a pure police perspective irrelevant. But if it's a yeast issue, one could argue that there was no actual knowledge of the condition and alcohol level.

Hmm.

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Pint

Re: So, unsafe convictions?

That's a good point. Of course, you could only use that excuse for the first offence.

Sorry about the icon...

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Silver badge

Re: So, unsafe convictions?

The conviction isn't unsafe since (as TFA states) the law doesn't care how you got the blood alcohol level, just that you have it. At best it makes a good mitigating argument for sentencing.

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Gav

Englishness

"But this is OK, it could even be seen as the ultimate in Englishness. Our island nation has spent centuries smuggling booze in order to beat the Revenue."

England is not an island.

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Headmaster

Re: Englishness

Although the Acts of Union happened a very long time ago, some people (including many English) still use the term "England" as a general descriptor for the British Isles. Technically you are correct, colloquially the author is not entirely incorrect.

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Anonymous Coward

Well yes...

I'm not sure this counts as free beer, exactly. Athough I suppose if you pissed into a glass it might resemble Fosters - only a bit stronger perhaps.

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Typical American doctors

Actually doing our job is too much effort, so we'll blame the patient.

I had one once that couldn't tell the difference between a broken collarbone and a sprained ankle.

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Alien

The Culture's favourite fight juice

How can I learn to gland 'Special Brew' at will?

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TRT
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Of course...

it's not the gut that's typically associated with yeast infections... Which is kind of fun then.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Of course...

Are you suggesting we drink from the furry cup?

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Pint

Much better to ferment it outside the body.

Look, making beer is easy and takes about 3-4 weeks unless you want it above 6% ABV. To make 23 litres takes about an hour to start it if you use spraymalt, and about an hour to bottle it. If you drink it quickly enough you don't even have to bottle it, a pressure keg will do just fine.

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