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back to article THE TRUTH about beaver arse milk in your cakes: There's nothing vanilla about vanilla

Sweden's food watchdog has confirmed to horrified netizens that, yes, ooze from beavers' back-passages is used to add a vanilla flavour to cakes, ice creams and drinks - and has been for years. A yellowish secretion called castoreum is extracted from the animals' scent-laying anal glands, and is sometimes mixed into perfumes and …

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Contemplating getting the carton for the vanilla protein shake I had this morning out the bin and checking the ingredients now..

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Come on

Where the hell do you find a beaver to get its arse juice?

Damn that is so perverted, this will surely be banned as was the use of hamsters and toilet rolls by EU directive 234/45.ARS3/Y0R-UP/342-2

Has anyone asked the beavers for their opinion?

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Anonymous Coward

Contemplating getting the carton for the vanilla protein shake I had this morning out the bin and checking the ingredients now..

You'll regret it...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Come on

> Has anyone asked the beavers for their opinion?

Rumour has it they rather enjoy the process.

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Re: Come on

"Has anyone asked the beavers for their opinion?"

Since they're dead, skinned, and dried out I suspect they're rather quiet on the hole, er... whole.

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Re: Where the hell do you find a beaver...?

There's one living in the West Country; a batch of three escaped and only two were caught, a few years ago. The remaining one was recently spotted near Nuneaton.

I don't remember if it was a male or not, so you have a 50-50 chance.

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Re: Come on

234/45.ARS3/Y0R-UP/342-2

An arse directive on hamster toilet roll? fhur-fhur.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Where the hell do you find a beaver...?

two were caught, a few years ago. The remaining one was recently spotted near Nuneaton.

So the other two were eaten?

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Holmes

Re: Come on

I call BS.

There's no way catching beavers is easier or cheaper than growing vanilla plants. The number of beavers required to meet the world demand for natural vanilla flavor would be astronomical.

Sorry, but this has "urban legend" written all over it.

// Bull $#!#, not "beaver scent"

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Paris Hilton

Re: Come on

According to Wikipedia:

"While it is mainly used in both foods and beverages as part of a substitute vanilla flavour, it is less commonly used as a part of a raspberry or strawberry flavoring. The annual industry consumption is very low, around 300 pounds, whereas vanillin is over 2.6 million pounds annually"

Still, 300 pounds is an awful lot of beavers.

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Re: Come on

> There's no way catching beavers is easier or cheaper than growing vanilla plants.

There is no way those who process dead beaver would not try to extract every last scent they could from the dead animal. If this includes selling its dead arse juices as vanilla flavouring then that is exactly what they will do.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Come on

I was wondering. Could it April 1st? No: this is just too unlikely, nobody would even begin to believe it.

Then I realised... it's no more unlikely than musk.

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There is nothing that comes out of a beaver's arse that I don't already love.

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On the ingredients list, it usually appears as "natural flavouring", or "natural flavoring" if you're Left-pondside. There are strict rules about what you can call "vanilla", but almost none about what you can call "flavo(u)ring".

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Anonymous Coward

Sampler: "Contemplating getting the carton for the vanilla protein shake I had this morning out the bin and checking the ingredients now.."

The vanilla's okay, but you don't want to know where they got the protein from.

Peter Simpson 1: "Bull $#!#, not "beaver scent""

No, no- they use bulls**t as *strawberry* flavouring.

Anyway, I don't see that this should be news to our Scandinavian friends- I once owned^w saw a Swedish video that was an hour of some guy doing nothing but eat beaver.

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Re: Come on

Vanilla beans will be cheaper than castoreum but still too expensive for most purposes. Commercially vanillin is made from wood pulp. It's a by-product of the paper-making industry. So you should only expect castoreum in very high-end organic foods and the most expensive perfumes. The most expensive perfumes also use musk collected from the scent-glands of musk-oxen and civet cats. You definitely won't find musk in a vanilla protein shake.

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Pint

Re: Come on

"...extract every last scent..."

I see what you did there. Good one - intentional or not.

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Re: Come on

"You definitely won't find musk in a vanilla protein shake."

I'd better not - he's supposed to be working on space rockets and supersonic trains!

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Re: Come on

This place is crawling with them - national symbol and biggest pest.

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Re: Come on

No, No, No! The most expensive perfumes use whale snot: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambergris

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Re: Come on

Depends on how strong it is. If one pound of beaver ass can be used to produce the equivalent of 100 pounds of vanilla based flavourings then it might be cheaper in the long run

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Re: Come on

"I call BS."

Nope. A dutch TV program which tracks origins of consumer products to show how they are created dug into this earlier this year. And yeah, the stuff exists, is being collected from killed beavers and being sold as a natural flavor. Getting a food producer to admit they use it turned out to be a different story, but the stuff exists and is being sold.

The two episodes covering this are online here:

http://keuringsdienstvanwaarde.kro.nl/seizoenen/2013/afleveringen/14-03-2013

http://keuringsdienstvanwaarde.kro.nl/seizoenen/2013/afleveringen/21-03-2013

The program is in Dutch, but contains some stuff (the start of the second episode) which takes place in Canada which are in English (with dutch subs). It shows a Canadian trader with a shed full of dried anal glands...

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Nym
Flame

Re: Come on

Do you know what beaver means in American slang?

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Anonymous Coward

Mmmmm....

That made me hungry.

Think I'll have a nice "vanilla" icecream this evening to follow my usual garum and andouille supper.

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Childcatcher

and I thought that luwak coffee was a bad idea

now icecream is off the menu. Where will it end, no lets rephrase that, what delight next becomes disgusting ? Wont some-one think of the children ?

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Re: and I thought that luwak coffee was a bad idea

vanilla latte, anyone?

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Luwak coffee - a question

Just curious - are vegans allowed to have that or not? It comes from the animal obviously, but it isn't something that the animal wanted to keep. I would still guess no, though.

The flavouring from dead beaver bum can't be vegetarian, though.

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Re: Luwak coffee - a question

Kopi Luwak is delicious, assuming you like coffee but dislike it's bitterness (you could, of course, obtain the same effect for less money by buying your coffee at Starbucks).

My wife's a vegetarian, but didn't see anything wrong with Kopi Luwak (apart from the whole "you're drinking brewed poo").

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Re: Luwak coffee - a question

> Just curious - are vegans allowed to have that or not?

You know, when I was reading the article, that was the first thing that came to my mind.

"Ordinary" vegetarians even might even quail at a product derived from a killed animal. Does the packaging of otherwise vegetable products make it clear that there is arse milk form a dead beaver in the product?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Luwak coffee - a question

Answers:

Vegan - absolutely not. Out of the question, it is still sourced from an animal.

Vegetarian - it depends upon their personal level of adherence to strict vegetarian policies.

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Re: Luwak coffee - a question

Hehe, 'Poo' would be a suitable (if not commercially viable) name for a Twitter-like 'social media' service. My reasoning is that many animals use pee or poo to get messages out to their peers they are not currently in the presence of. If of you want to take this idea and turn it into a multi-billion dollar company, I only ask a 1% cut... I'll even throw in some tag-lines to get you started:

"Why say it when you can spray it?"

"Putting the Pee into people"

"Poople"

Of course, humans would want to expand the vocabulary of the medium beyond the three messages favoured by many mammals, ie "This is MINE!", "I'm feeling HORNY!" and "I have an interesting bowel condition". Or there again, that's enough to cover much of the human condition.

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Joke

Re: Luwak coffee - a question

I must be a "good" vegetarian then. Everything I eat is of vegetable (plus fungal) origin, just that some of it is filtered through animals before i get it. I love cow filtered grass, but prefer to call it steak.

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Re: Luwak coffee - a question

"Vegan - absolutely not. Out of the question, it is still sourced from an animal."

I would dispute that. It may have passed through an animals alimentary canal, but as the civet ate the bean-pulp and passed the bean, it could even be argued that it had not been "inside" the civet. Technically , your food is not "in" you until it has passed the lining of your gut and been absorbed into your bloodstream.

Think of your body as an elongated donut, with the outer layer the skin and the hole of the donut your digestive tract.

Wild Luwak coffee should be fine for vegans - caged civet luwak coffee should be ethically repugnant to all.

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Stop

Re: Luwak coffee - a question

>>Vegan - absolutely not. Out of the question, it is still sourced from an animal.

The bean was never part of the animal, although you could claim that the labours of the animal are being exploited (commercially they are fed on the whole bean), but if that counts as animal product then so does any vegetable which has been farmed as you're using the labours of humans.

What if a bee fertilises your crop? are you exploiting the bee? does it cease to be vegan?

Any fertiliser that are used on fields actually go on to become part of the product (often blood/fish/bone sourced) or animal waste - thus making virtually no product vegan (under your definition).

What about water? that's probably been through many an animal in it's time.

So, when you say "absolutely not" - are you sure?

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Re: Luwak coffee - a question

Regarding the logic of what you say, it's obvious you're not a vegan - "absolutely not" is correct. Honey from bees is not permitted either by strict vegans.

Add to that the fact that the beasts are now mostly farmed to produce the "processed" beans - including feeding the coffee berries all the time, when it isn't their natural eating pattern - and it's double-fail.

I'm not a vegan, but at least I've spent some time understanding their principles rather than coming out with some half-baked "logic" out of my own arse. So to speak.

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As an omnivore, may I say yum? I hated soaking those oily gamey buggars in a brine for a week. Granted, not so much lately as there are bigger game in "dem dar hills" that is far more lean and versatile in the woods.

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Joke

Sir

People will be going off Caviar next.

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Joke

Re: Sir

Or even chicken eggs.

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s for that musk stuff

Or the civet cat glands...

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Anal Ooze

Does this mean that at some point, someone caught a beaver, pulling various bits and pieces off , including the analy situated scent glands, squeezed them, waited for some ooze and actually though that it might be a good idea to eat.

And then decided it might be a good replacement for Vanilla.

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Flame

Re: Anal Ooze

More likely some camp fire cookout [see icon], when the post-prandial discussion turned to the new cook's talents "that was a great stew, had a hint of vanilla". "Ah, you'll never guess what bit of the beaver smelled like that".

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Re: Anal Ooze

That must have be the kind of camping outing where the scouts are still too young to understand that "Eating some beaver" doesn't actualy involve a small furry rodent.

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Re: Anal Ooze

I will refrain from talking about beaver juice! At all.

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Joke

Hunt down the villanous abusers of this small rodent. I call for ..

a Beaver Patrol. *

*With apologies to the fans of Pop Will Eat Itself.

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AOD

Re: Hunt down the villanous abusers of this small rodent. I call for ..

Have a +1 from me for the Poppies reference.

I will now have "Radio P.W.E.I" bouncing around in my head for the rest of the day.

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Happy

Many years ago I found my self in the Midlands town of Leicester outside a police station

on "Beauvoir" Street (as in Simone) when some Constables were beginning their shift...

The locals (not being French) cannot pronounce its name properly..

Put a grin on my face for the rest of the day....

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Sweet Sweet Pie

Get The Smell! Kill The Beavers!

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Re: Many years ago I found my self in the Midlands town of Leicester outside a police station

Whereas, the Vale of Belvoir (in Nottinghamshire/Leicestershire) is actually pronounced beaver!

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Re: Many years ago I found my self in the Midlands town of Leicester outside a police station

Actually it's 'belvoir' and is indeed pronounced beaver! The area near where my parents live is know as the vale of belvoir, and is centred around belvoir castle - all pronounced beaver! Always makes me smile!! :)

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Meanwhile…

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmine

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