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back to article Five SECRET products Apple won't show today

Apple will this week announce something, probably a new iPhone or two. But during The Reg's recent travels in Asia we've spotted some Apple products that haven't been the subject of endless rumours. We suspect these products are so secret Apple itself doesn't know about them. But that won't stop us bringing you – and Apple's …

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Who the hell cares?

Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

Indeed people with intelligent brains buy products where the main OS isn't written in Java (so it's security isn't destroyed by putting it on a device it wasn't designed for).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

The average person doesn't have a complete brain, two legs, two arms...etc

:)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

Did you even READ the article?!

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Re: Who the hell cares?

Actually I would say smartphones and tablets are pretty much EXACTLY what Java (or Oak) was originally designed for, along with set top boxes and smart fridges, etc. Certainly not enterprise stuff.

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JDX
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Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap.

It's a conundrum how you need to be rather wealthy to buy Apple stuff then, given that outside the world of sport it's rather hard to earn big bucks without a brain.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

No-one with a brain just looks at the purchase cost - it's TCO you need to be concerned with which is cost to buy, depreciation, support costs etc.

For a business the purchase cost is often a small part of the total cost.

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@AC 07:12 (Re: Who the hell cares?)

Android is built on top of Linux, and a large portion of it is written in C. There are also swaths of code written in C++. It is only the application framework (the stuff you see on screen) that is written in Java.

(This comment has been brought to you by the Please Use Google to Avoid Demonstrating Your Ignorance Society).

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @AC 07:12 (Who the hell cares?)

Macs are built on BSD Unix, mostly C++ and C (as Objective-C compiles down to plain old C) and as such is very secure.

However put Java on it and the security has more holes in it than swiss cheese, hence why new macs no longer ship with Java preinstalled.

I like Java, I have programmed in it for many years and I think it is a great language to teach good OOP habits (unlike C++) and a pleasant language to use.

If someone however asked me if they should use it in a production environment I'd laugh in their face. In order to make Java secure it needs a complete rewrite from the ground up (not constant patching that currently happens).

To sum up if you lock up your house securely but leave the front door key under the front door mat you are asking for trouble.

If you put Java on a secure system you need to really do your homework and unfortunately Google have been watching the TV instead http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/07/25/malicious_android_master_key_apps_found_in_china_symantec/

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

"Who the hell cares?

Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap."

You forget! There are millions of mindless zombies out their desperately searching for their indentity

by purchasing one!

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Re: @AC 07:12 (Who the hell cares?)

Yes, I must say that the security of the operating system is my primary concern when I am looking to invest the thick end of £13 in an iPodalike (or a pair of flip flops.........)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

Jake,

You cared enough to troll with a post devoid of intelligent content. :-/

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JDX
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Re: Who the hell cares?

"You forget! There are millions of mindless zombies out their desperately searching for their indentity by purchasing one!"

Get off the keyboard, and get some fresh air. It will do you good.

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Re: @AC 07:12 (Who the hell cares?)

What's a vulnerability in the app signing mechanism got to do with the language the app was written in?

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Facepalm

Re: @AC 09:48 (Java security on Android)

AC says "In order to make Java secure it needs a complete rewrite from the ground up (not constant patching that currently happens)."

You do know that Android doesn't use Oracle's JVM, right? It uses Dalvik JVM -- Dalvik doesn't have the same security issues that Oracle's JVM has -- and it doesn't run in a browser on Android -- the main attack vector when using Oracle's JVM.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @AC 09:48 (Java security on Android)

Still has loads of security issues and didn't Oracle sue them as they lifted loads of code from the original Java?

:P

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Happy

@poopypants

>(This comment has been brought to you by the Please Use Google to Avoid Demonstrating Your Ignorance Society).

Unfortunately, in this case, the ignorance was related to Android, which is a Google product. So AC was just being cautious, as he didn't want to break the internet by Googling Google, albeit indirectly.

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Re: @AC 09:48 (Java security on Android)

didn't Oracle sue them as they lifted loads of code from the original Java?

Tried and failed. AFAIK, the headers were copied (ie: function names/declarations), but the implementation is all Google.

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Re: Who the hell cares?

@Jake

"Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap."

I just upvoted your post because an entirely reasonable statement doesn't deserve all those downvotes.

Whether Apple products should be considered as overpriced crap is debatable but there is a case to be made depending on your requirements and the way these requirements would be met (or not) by Apple products. So, upvote.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Who the hell cares?

BMW, Mercedes, Porsche?

Certainly "crap" that is very overpriced if your use case is DIY repairs or cheapness. Not much use on roads where the average speed is 10MPH.

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Re: @AC 09:48 (Java security on Android)

Please tell point me to these "loads of security issues" in Android's Dalvik JVM. Android has security issues, but I haven't seen Dalvik pointed out as the attack vector for these issues.

And read up on exactly what Oracle's suit was about, and why they effectively lost. A nine-line rangeCheck function, and the "structure, sequence and organization of the Java Application Programming Interface (API)" does not make a JVM, nor does it equal "loads" of code.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap.

I was in Mensa, but I dropped out because the members were just a little bit boring. My estimated IQ is reportedly deep into the range needing 8-bits to express. I've got an iPhone *and* an Android phone (and tablet). The Nexus tablet is perfect, but the cheap Android phone is a bit - well - crap. Overpriced iPhones? I hadn't really noticed. About the same as one tire for my luxury saloon.

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Re: Nobody with a brain buys into over-priced crap.

>About the same as one tire for my luxury saloon.

So you drive some over-riced imported scrap?

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Joke

Next

the iCannotBelieveItsNotAnApple

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Re: Next

I always thought Utterly Butterly was the most brilliant name of all.

But Utterly Appley doesn't quite work. Awesomely Appley perhaps? Or if one's feeling less definite Apparently Appley...

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Re: Next

"I always thought Utterly Butterly was the most brilliant name of all."

Ooh I don't know, "you'd butter believe it" has to be up there with the best.

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Coat

Re: Next

Crappily Appley?

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Re: Next

After tasting the aforementioned spread, I can believe its not butter. Its fooling no one with its taste.

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Re: Next

Quite true. "I can't believe anybody thinks it's anything like butter" would have been a better name. The taste of actual butter, especially on Panasonic-baked bread toasted under gas, is simply beyond imitation.

The clue should be in the fact that it's made using buttermilk -- which is the stuff you throw away after making butter. It has by definition about as much capacity to impart a butter-like taste as the capacity of apple wood to impart a cider-like taste.

(Hey, maybe that's how they brew S*******w!)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Next

I'm waiting for the Continuity Jobsians to appear. Not such a natty logo though.

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WTF?

@AJ Styles

Well, they make white cider by passing diluted grain alcohol over the remains of the apple pulp after it's been squeezed dry of real juice. Probably imparts as much flavour as using the wood.

What the hell is going on here with the "Add an icon" tab? What was wrong with having the icons below the post! Has somebody at ElReg been drinking the Metro/Unity cool-aid?

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Re: Next

Well, if it's got the Apple hipsterness, then surely "Fap-ably Appley"

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Joke

Re: Utterly Butterly

My auntie Marge has been ill for ages - I can't believe she's not better...

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Joke

Re: Utterly Butterly

Julian Assange has undergone a psychological examination, and been ruled to be normal and as sane as you or I. I can't believe he's not nutter...

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Coat

Re: Utterly Butterly

My partner wants me to throw out all the useful bits and pieces I have collected in my shed. She can't believe it's not clutter.

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Re: Next

>iCannotBelieveItsNotAnApple

iCannotBelieveItsNotApple S.

There, fixed that for you.

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Anonymous Coward

Singaporean Shuffle rip-off

Sim Lim is really the best place to get ripped off as a Caucasian (though I believe those dodgy thieves will also try to gouge you if you're Asian too) since I saw those shuffle-ish players in Guardian (chemist chain) last year for SGD15.

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Re: Singaporean Shuffle rip-off

Depends what you're buying and depends on the floor! Ground floor cameras etc can be somewhat fast and loose, but summer of the higher floor back (where all the fixit places are) have some straightforward dealers found straightforward deals. My Mrs hates Sim Lim, I love it and it's bustly geekiness.

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Devil

Re: Sim Lim

I love it too. Across the road is the even more geeky Sim LIm Towers devoted more to the component business.

Funan Digital Mall is a more laid-back, posher alternative, and has a walkway to Adelphi Mall, where you can spend more on hifi than you ever thought possible --- and where you may meet some ladies who offer to, err, massage away your feelings of guilt for having done so.

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Speling iz harrd.

Cincinnati.

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Dont Criticise Apple

Fan boys are ready to be mugged today at the mugfest. (happily so).

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FAIL

Re: Dont Criticise Apple

"Dont Criticise Apple"

Criticise Apple all you like:- all we ask is that it's a valid, rational and considered criticism - rather than the tribal "I'm too cool to like Apple & all Apple users are plebs" juvenile rantings generally found on any Reg article which mentions Apple/Foxconn/Cupertino/etc.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Dont Criticise Apple

all we ask is that it's a valid, rational and considered criticism - rather than the tribal "I'm too cool to like Apple & all Apple users are plebs" juvenile rantings

.. ironically displaying the devoidness of thought they accuse Apple users of.

It's OK, though. I'm confident that will disappear the moment they reach maturity..

Yes, I'm going for downvotes. Why? :)

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Anonymous Coward

Friend with a high end Android phone that went faulty - had to send it away - was going to be 3+ weeks so he had to buy another one. Loads of hassle and ended up buying a replacement - most people using a phone for work could not manage without it for 3 weeks. iPhone user has a faulty phone and you go into a store and typically get it replaced there and then.

Cost him time and far more than the iPhone would have cost - so 'service' has to be factored in.

Another friend has an Android phone that crashes all the time - misses calls, wastes time and probably costs him business - so reliability and having control over the hardware and OS is a bonus. So purchase cost is only one element of ownership.

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So the best selling point of a iPhone is when it breaks you can get a replacement the same day if you live near an apple shop?

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I'm not following the point you're trying to make, are you saying that Apple makes perfect phones and you're more likely to run into problems using something else?

So far the only phone I've ever owned that died on a software update was an iPhone and the replacement had a wonky home button. Not to mention this was after having to book an appointment they then kept me waiting for (those Apple stores are practically a punishment in themselves!).

Joking aside I do think Apple is generally one of the better companies when it comes to repair/replacement but you're paying for that privilege and TCO is a hard thing to nail down, I could argue that the outdated design of iOS would waste more of my time than the alternatives...

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What are these 'Android Phones' of which you speak?

I only see Samsung phones, HTC phones, Sony phones.

Are they related to those iOS6 phones you can buy?

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Flame

"So the best selling point of a iPhone is when it breaks you can get a replacement the same day if you live near an apple shop?"

If it hasn't burnt your house down.

Also, in case no-one's said it already, the two extra clicks required to add an icon now are bloody stupid and completely pointless.

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FAIL

*Yawn*

So you have 3 friends, all of whom who bought crap phones, and one had a slightly less horrible time of it.

Got any non-anecdotal evidence to share?

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Happy

That watchphone is so classy. I must have one now! I will be the envy of all my friends, if only I can get hold of one.

I'm sure the gold colour on the bracelet won't come off on my arm, and that it'll work perfectly, giving me trouble-free service for years.

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