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back to article US gov preps sale of TOP SECRET disease research island

Rich Americans in search of a new home could soon be able to snap up a lovely private island within striking distance of New York City. The catch? It's the home of a federal disease research centre rumoured to have created gruesome human-animal hybrids. The American federal government has started the process to sell off Plum …

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Did Lyme disease originate out of Plum Island?

I don't know whether Plum Island was responsible or not for disseminating Lyme disease - but any reporting agency that does to the English language what the linked website did (see title, quoted from http://www.theglobaldispatch.com/did-lyme-disease-originate-out-of-plum-island-33473/) is going to have a hard time convincing me - even with all the emotive language used!

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Facepalm

"I want to BAAAAAAH-LIEVE!"

"....Adrienne Esposito, executive director of Citizens Campaign for the Environment, warned: "It's most like riddled with contamination, and a thorough investigation needs to occur....." I'm almost tempted to ask whom exactly Ms Esposito considers "qualified" to investigate, but I suspect - going by her groups hysterical approach to fracking (http://www.citizenscampaign.org/campaigns/hydro-fracking.asp) - she'd have to loosen up the tin-foil a lot more to supply a coherent answer.

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A human body with "long fingers"

Are they sure it's not Slenderman?

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Re: A human body with "long fingers"

My god they're making pianists out there!

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Coat

Re: A human body with "long fingers"

I was more concerned about the apparent development of a gene that codes for the wearing of blue trousers.

Maybe funded by Levi's and cancelled when it wasn't specific enough?

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Anonymous Coward

It's not like

them tornado's would spread any airborne leaks from the new lab

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Re: It's not like

Tornadoes in Kansas, hurricanes in NYC. You pay your money and you take your chances.

Given the choice, I think I'd rather build a lab to avoid tornadoes than avoid hurricanes. Mostly you can avoid tornado destruction by building appropriately underground. That doesn't work so well with hurricanes.

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Joke

"... rumoured to have created gruesome human-animal hybrids."

A rumour strenuously denied by the centre's chief spokesman, a Mr. Edward Prendick.

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Linux

The Montauk Monster was a rotting racoon, obligatory Wikipedia reference

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All you've proven is that in death the Montauk Monster is able to mimic a raccoon and so avoid detection.

Some of us are more easily fooled than others.

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Alien

Thats what they WANT you to think...

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My cousin's friend worked as an intern on Plum Island in the 60s. It looks pretty normal from above, dormitories, lab, even a swimming pool, but he told us there is actually a network of caverns underneath the island where they would mix batches of chemicals in giant vats. Once a month the chemicals get loaded onto a rocket and the "swimming pool" slides open to reveal an underground launch pad.

The rocket releases a payload into the upper atmosphere which docks with the International Space Station. The chems are then unloaded in barrels into the IIS. 747s and other commercial jetliners regularly dock with the IIS to "refuel" their chem sprayers. They then descend into the lower atmosphere and spray us like mad.

Of course I remain skeptical, but as for my cousin's friend, we haven't heard from him in 10 years. Supposedly he went to live in Australia, but that seems a little convenient if you ask me.

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"the "swimming pool" slides open to reveal an underground launch pad."

Are you sure you're not thinking of Tracey Island?

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WTF?

quote: "747s and other commercial jetliners regularly dock with the ISS to "refuel" their chem sprayers."

If that line didn't immediately throw any alarm bells it should have. Are they seriously implying that commercial passenger planes have orbital capability? I can confirm that unless everything I have ever been taught about orbital mechanics and jet engine technology is untrue, that a commercial airliner is never going to achieve low-earth orbit, and is certainly going to be incapable of docking with the ISS.

If commercial airliners can actually dock with the ISS, then this particular conspiracy goes so deep that I am struggling to conceive how. I would personally be far more inclined to believe your cousins friend is running off a slightly different version of reality to the rest of us...

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Numpty, I think you've missed the joke.

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WTF?

His cousin's friend is SMOKING a slightly different version of reality than the rest of us..

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Thumb Up

I knew it! It all makes sense now. The whole "space race" way back then was just a distraction as a way to explain why great big rockets were being sent into space and only little capsules came back. The missing parts were obviously what they were using to build the ISS jointly with the Russians in the late 50s and early 60s. It's equally clear that Boeing only introduced the 747 as a passenger liner in 1970 after one had been spotted landing to relieve the crew after a spraying run in 1969 and a cover story of it being "under development" was hatched.

That's the real reason they had to fake the lunar landing. More cover for the true sinister plot. They've been lying to you all along NumptyScrub but now we know. The truth is out there and sometimes it's a little further out than you're comfortable with.

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Obligatory xkcd link http://xkcd.com/966/

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Trollface

Well...

How to get a 747 into orbit and beyond is actually documented in Harry Harrison's book "Star Smashers of the Galaxy Rangers" ... thinly disguised as pulp sci-fi so as not to alarm those of a nervous disposition.

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Coat

Xenu knows

If DC-8s can make it through interstellar space then I'd think it would be an easy task for a 747 to achieve LEO.

*tips tinfoil hat at jaunty angle*

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I think I've found just the buyer!

Name of Moreau, wonderful chap, apparently works as a doctor...

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Asbestos and NIMBY's

The site has a significant mold problem in the HVAC and air evacuation systems which run all over the island. The buildings and lab sites are also insulated with asbestos and the floors are asbestos tile. There's also a shocking (ha!) shortage of 120VAC with most electric being 3-Phase 240VAC; great for large equipment but less than ideal for daily appliance and convenience use. All that can be managed though, the really bad part is the NIMBY colony that has established itself there.

They were unusually rabid when we toured the facility last December with a few other potential buyers. They attempted to physically prevent us from exploring the open paddocks and they succeeded in preventing us from taking ground soundings by stomping in unison and banging on subterranean HVAC ducting. We went with our security team but our Federal escorts prohibited them from restraining or incapacitating the NIMBY's.

We were finally put off completely upon surveying the coast. If we did purchase it we would have to erect significant costal defenses to prevent the NIMBY's and volunteer minions from visiting unexpectedly. The Coast Guard (now part of the DHS) was adamant about no SAM or anti-armor installations and were really concerned about our radar and sonar proposal as there could be risks to the wildlife.

I was highly disappointed as the Plum Island lair would have been within easy range of NYC with only a skeleton crew manning my zeppelin and there is a very nice harbor near the main underground facility that would have been perfect for keeping my submarine away from curious eyes. Alas, I'll have to be content with my West Virginia facility. Washington DC is only 65 miles away but it just isn't as much fun as NYC.

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Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

"There's also a shocking (ha!) shortage of 120VAC with most electric being 3-Phase 240VAC; great for large equipment but less than ideal for daily appliance and convenience use."

You've never visited Europe, I take it?

I think what you mean is that either voltage is just dandy for appliances, but Merkins have already decided to standardise on 120V, and you'd have to order in stocks of 240V toasters and the like.

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Happy

Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

I lived in London for about nine months but I'm from, and back in, the States. Here 3-Phase 240 is just for large industrial machines while 'single phase' 240 is for hot water heaters, clothes dryers, some washing machines and ovens/ranges, mostly. Everything else is 120.

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Devil

Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

"and you'd have to order in stocks of 240V toasters and the like."

Sounds less than ideal to me.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

Europeans don't use three phase electricity for "daily appliance and convenience use" any more than those damned rebellious colonials the other side of the pond.

The voltage is not the issue - 240V is obviously fine for domestic appliances. It's the three phase bit that's not compatible with the average toaster.

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Go

Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

"It's the three phase bit that's not compatible with the average toaster"... True but a three phase toaster... what a thing! No more waiting around for the damn thing to pop....

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Re: Asbestos and NIMBY's

True but a three phase toaster... what a thing!

It's a misnomer, I'm afraid. There are only two phases: bread and burnt.

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It would make my daily commute much more exciting...

Knowing that leaving the house every day would be akin to a fully interactive version of Dead Island.

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Alien

One of those slender fingers is...

....giving us all the finger..."flipping us the bird", as our ex-colonists put it i believe?

(not that i took this seriously of course...oh no, not me laddie!)

Anyway, it's not a patch on the Loch Ness monster, which i have had round for tea many a time - she adores the freshly caught haggis which abound on the conical hills around here......really!

Nice wee island though.

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No need to go to the US

...since the UK has its own top secret disease research island! With anthrax! And hookers! (Well, maybe not the last. But it does have sheep.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gruinard_Island

Gruinard Island was used in WW2 bioweapon trials. After discovering that anthrax doesn't really make a good bioweapon, due to its tendency to lurk in the ground for decades and then horrifically kill people, it was quarantined. In 1986 an attempt was made to decontaminate by, basically, soaking it in formaldehyde and in 1990 an expendable junior minister was landed. When he survived, it was declared safe. It's now the home of a small flock of sheep, who are periodically inspected by telescope to make sure they haven't died horrifically.

I don't know whether it's still quarantined or not, but for some peculiar reason people don't land there...

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Re: No need to go to the US

But is it for sale? Lairs inside a scorched Earth area are perfectly acceptable and cheaper to maintain as fear keeps people out so there's less Minion overhead. Too many Minions has ruined more than one pension fund.

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Black Helicopters

Re: No need to go to the US

We don't do-minions. Eh.

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Happy

So they....

....hunted down and killed "every mammal" on the island did they?

Must have been one Hell of a staff turnover

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Anonymous Coward

"The local council has voted to make sure the island is carpeted with bland housing estates"

I had hoped that was a typo, but sadly I suspect it is correct.

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Trollface

Re: "The local council has voted to make sure the island is carpeted with bland housing estates"

"bland housing estates"? Is there any other type?

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Re: "The local council has voted to make sure the island is carpeted with bland housing estates"

Have to do something to keep the tax base up while keeping that filthy nouveau riche at arms length.

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Devil

Re: "The local council has voted to make sure the island is carpeted with bland housing estates"

Isnt this how Poltergeist started?? Watch out for the mutant child-eating tree....

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Re: "The local council has voted to make sure the island is carpeted with bland housing estates"

No, that's Irvine, CA, the city that dared (when last I saw it) to be beige.

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Ookunoshima island in Japan was the home of the Japanese chemical warfare business up to and during WWII. It's now a tourist attraction with a Poison Gas Museum and a cute rabbit mascot to attract visitors. Maybe the buyers can turn Plum Island into a tourist attraction too.

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Alert

Oh my

What kind of sanitation did they do on the island? Given the stuff that has allegedly been researched on said island, any unturned stone might end up giving away very nasty diseases.

Even more intriguing is that Plum Island was chosen because it's a fricking island and it's hard for people/animals to get out given that it's an island. Moving all that stuff to KSU sounds like the prologue for the next Resident Evil game...

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Big Brother

Re: Oh my

Unturned stone or unstoned . . . never mind!

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