back to article Finally it happens: MAN BITES DOG - after stabbing himself

A man who squared up to cops after a domestic disturbance stabbed himself in the chest three times before biting the officers' dog, according to reports from the US. The incident began at about 7.45pm when a deputy sheriff responded to a report of a domestic dispute in the Californian city of San Jose. The police officer said …

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Happy

For once, we beat the yanks to it ....

http://www.smh.com.au/environment/animals/man-bites-dog-no-seriously-20121202-2aoxm.html

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maybe

I have a feeling most of the damage to the suspect was not caused by the dog in the US case. Everybody I have ever known that took a swing at a cop either got put in the hospital (cops are a pack animal after all) or didn't have a fun time in jail afterwards (suicide watch often means your naked for days in a cold concrete cell, and yes cops do talk to the boys down at the jail). In general though if you are fighting with a police dog you are a nut stain who probably deserves what you get.

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Re: maybe

'E fell down the Station steps yer' onour!

It was the bouncin. off 'em that caused the bruising!

I suspect with modern Elf 'n Safety rules most station steps are protected with rubber matting to help prevent such occurrences but if you want to mix it with the fuzz you are going to get what you deserve and maybe more than you bargained for.

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Meh

Under the influence? I thought this was the expected common behaviour of the average American berserker, except in this case and unusually he was not armed with an assault rifle.

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Re: maybe

Reminds of the excellent quote form this weekend's 'Touch of Cloth' where the police chief raises money for poor kids by a sposored 'Brutalathon' - pushing prisoners down the stairs for 7 hours.....

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FAIL

Re: asdf Re: maybe

".....Everybody I have ever known that took a swing at a cop....." It is becoming patently obvious that all your "opinions" on the police have been formed from mixing with the type of degenerate that regularly gets in trouble with the law. I bet those losers also had wonderful excuses for why they were commiting whatever crimes they were pursuing when the polcie caught them. My suggestion would be buy a clue and start mixing with a better type of person, there are plenty of them out there, the majority of people never having any cause to be arrested by the police.

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Happy

Re: Gray Ham

"....we beat the yanks to it ..." I'm sure I read some article a few years back about a furious Swedish driver who was arrested for beating on a half-dead elk that he had driven into becasue "it had wrecked his car". True, I don't recall he was biting it, but as an exercise in stupid road rage it seems to have even the US example beat!

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Trollface

Re: asdf maybe

"the majority of people never having any cause to be arrested by the police"

That's never stopped the police from arresting them though.

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FAIL

Re: asdf maybe

Sorry Matt but wrong as usual. No I didn't grow up in a house on the hill but have never been arrested or even questioned by police. I have had a few friends that got DUIs when they were younger but that is all. When you don't grow up in a house exactly like all the other houses in the suburbs you hear a bit more about life from other people, some of which are warnings of course. This just reinforces my impression of you being a posh jagoff. The kind that talks about bootstrapping himself to success never mentioning his mommy and daddy paid for his college. Your friends may have gotten in trouble with the law but their daddy's made sure it didn't escalate past a slap on the wrist.

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Holmes

"Officers believe the man ... was under the influence of drugs or alcohol."

No, really? Who'd've thought it? Colour me surprised! Etc., etc...

GJC

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Re: "Officers believe the man ... was under the influence of drugs or alcohol."

Not necessarily obvious, he potentially could have been having some psychotic episode brought on by mental illness. I wouldn't really say a cop is the best judge of mental health issues.

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Unhappy

Re: "Officers believe the man ... was under the influence of drugs or alcohol."

You might be correct. Not that it matters much though. There are very few effective mental care services provided by the State in this country and they travel exclusively between extremes: Either you need to be locked up or you need Xanax.

If you do need in patient mental care, it isn't uncommon for them to wait until you do something illegal and you'll get your "care" in jail. It's much cheaper to jail someone than house them in a mental health facility.

Nearly 1/3 of our massive prison population meet criteria for the chronically mentally disturbed. Proper care and treatment of those people would likely see many of them become positive contributors to society, but noooo. Fuck that, they send mentally disturbed people into a nightmare scenario where everything that was wrong with them is intensified several fold.

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Silver badge

That's not a "hound".

It's a GSD ("Alsatian").

There is a BIG difference. I have several of each snoozling about the office as I type. Yes, all are canis lupus familiaris, but they all have different purposes.

People who keep dawgs as fashion accessories and/or conversation pieces should be taken out behind the barn and horse-whipped.

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Paris Hilton

Re: That's not a "hound".

What's wrong with dogs being a "conversation piece"?

Our conversations generally go like this:

Me: "Dear, <any random dog of our pack> just threw up what looks like pieces of possum again and smells like he rolled in cow pats."

She: "Bath time *again*?! And YOU clean the carpet this time!"

Country dogs make great conversation pieces!

Though I agree with the sentiment on the type of dog the object of the icon tends to have.

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@:Michael Hoffmann (was: Re: That's not a "hound".)

"What's wrong with dogs being a "conversation piece"?"

If your dawgs barf on a regular basis, you are not a good dawg owner.

Mine hang about quietly, unless they are actually working.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @:Michael Hoffmann (was: That's not a "hound".)

If you use the word 'dawg', you are not a good dog owner.

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@AC08:25 (was: Re: @:Michael Hoffmann (was: That's not a "hound".))

I'm qualified to judge BIS in AKC shows.

I think if I want to use "dawg", I'm allowed. YMMV.

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Re: That's not a "hound".

"and horse-whipped."

And you call others cruel?

Have you no sympathy for the horse?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @AC08:25 (was: @:Michael Hoffmann (was: That's not a "hound".))

Are you qualified to understand jokes or does the AKC forbids it?

If the OP wants to joke about barfing dogs (Dave Barry reference here), he's allowed.

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@Elmer Phud (Was:Re: That's not a "hound".)

I have never beaten a horse.

I've been tempted to go there with humans, occasionally ...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @AC08:25 (was: @:Michael Hoffmann (was: That's not a "hound".))

"I'm qualified to judge BIS in AKC shows."

*Another* one for the list

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Anonymous Coward

Re: That's not a "hound".

What's wrong with dogs being a "conversation piece"?

Our conversations generally go like this:

Me: "Dear, <any random dog of our pack> just threw up what looks like pieces of possum again and smells like he rolled in cow pats."

Take it to a taxidermist. It would still be conversation piece, but a lot less trouble.

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Re: @:Michael Hoffmann (was: That's not a "hound".)

That's an Aibo, and it's working, it just needs new batteries.

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That's not a "hound".

It's a space station.

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Trollface

Re: That's not a "hound".

It was a "hapless hound". It's obvious that the author was after some alliteration. Fits better than "daunting dog" or "courageous canine" as the dog was the one getting bit, rather than doing the biting. Artistic license!

Let's not forget, that "hound" often is used in this sort of context, as evidenced by that arbiter of such things, Dick Dastardly:

Mutley, you snickering, floppy eared hound.

When courage is needed, you're never around.

Those medals you wear on your moth-eaten chest

Should be there for bungling at which you are best.

So, stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Howwww!

Nab him

Jab him

Tab him

Grab him

Stop that pigeon now.

You, silly, stop snickering, it's not worth the chance.

For you'll be returned by the seat of your pants.

And clunk, you invent me a thingamabob

That catches that pigeon or I lose my job.

So, stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Stop that pigeon

Howwww!

Nab him

Jab him

Tab him

Grab him

Stop that pigeon now.

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Confused

Why do I have sympathy with the dog but not the cop?

In fact I am totally outraged that he tried to harm the dog.

Do I need to see a psychiatrist?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Confused

Perfectly normal.

Anonymous, well because me and police-people dont get on very well.

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TRT
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I hope the dog got its jabs. You never know what germs are in a human's mouth.

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jai
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Man Bites Dog

Isn't that the equally genius and disturbing Belgian film?

Must watch that again some time.

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Pussy Muncher

I've bitten my cat before, but never enough to hurt or injure him. It's all part of our mad-half hour rough-housing. And before the macho dog types start whining on about how you can't really rough-house with a cat, my Burmese can and will make you bleed if you pi$$ him off.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Pussy Muncher

> my Burmese can and will make you bleed

I've had much worse off cats than dogs - cats can choose to retract their sharp claws, or not, and I'm not convinced they always see human limbs as part of a person, whereas the dogs I've played with seem to have good bite inhibition and stop if they think they might have hurt you.

I would never bite a police dog, but I might be tempted to try for a quick GSD snog...

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Happy

Re: Pussy Muncher

Alternatively cats know full well your limbs and extremities are attached to you and the simply don't give a shit.

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Anonymous Coward

Officers believe the man – who as of Wednesday had not been identified – was under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

So we should all give them up then?

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Looks to me like only drugs were involved not alcohol. Self stabbing and biting a dog show a form of intense aggression that is usually associated with cannabis and club drugs. Fortunately no children were involved this time, but sadly often they are.

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Indeed, the last time I got strung out on cannabis three hitchhikers went missing and I've still never found my shovel.

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given hitchhiking is illegal I think the law would tend to turn a blind eye but you should probably check into an addiction clinic anyway

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Judging by your downvotes the reg really needs a satire / sarcasm icon. At the very least we should get some sort of <sarcasm> formatting tag to make the text bright pink whilst flashing on and off.

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Happy

I don't think it would help much. Just like you can't teach a dolphin to ride a unicycle you can't get dumb people to understand satire or sarcasm.

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Pint

Old Rhino Skin.

Shame it wasn't a Doberman. Konstabel Els would be proud.

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Moggy

I once saw a large German Shepherd dog make a lunge for the next door neighbours moggy and the moggy just lazily turned round and slashed the dog 3 perfect grooves down it's nose. I have never seen a more surprised look on a dog ever.

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