back to article iPad classes for DOGS offered in New York

In a development which was perhaps inevitable, a canine lyceum in New York has started offering classes in which dogs are taught to "use" iPads. According to an in-depth report on Today.com, doggy pedagogue Anna Jane Grossman ("who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time") was inspired to offer fondleslab …

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Joke

Cats on the other hand ...

Cats, of course, are evil and therefore use Windows phones.

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Anonymous Coward

My dog has shown no inclination to use my ipad, he's more interested in licking his own b*lls.

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Trollface

To be fair, if I could tongue my own genitalia, I probably wouldn't bother with a tablet either.

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Joke

That's why dogs can't make a fist. It wouldn't have been fair.

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WTF?

Get a Furby!

See title.

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Joke

Clearly no need for Android tablet lessons for dogs

As people with enough money to burn to pay for computer lessons for their DOG clearly aren't worried about saving a few bucks on a less expensive tablet alternative!

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Def
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The dog-loving fangirl suggested that her classes were ideal for the lazy dog-owner, tired of trudging round the park with a warm pocketful of plastic-bagged turds.

"I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine," she enthused. "It should be something that's enjoyable, because in the end, it's about spending time with your dogs."

Sounds like someone who has absolutely no idea how to look after a dog. If you're lazy, don't get a dog. Yes, dogs are sociable animals, but they also need serious exercise. They're not children. You can't give them a fucking iPad and let them entertain themselves.

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Winning

I would say rather this sounds like somebody who knows everything about ipad dog owners in New York City.

However, I agree I was terribly surprised this wasn't satire.

Also, I don't think you can just "give a child a fucking iPad to entertain themselves" either. You should in fact interact with children as well as your pets. hahahaha

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Re: Winning

The sad irony is that, relative to the amount of exercise they actually need, on average dogs get *far* more exercise than children.

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Happy

I let the dogs take care of the children and nobody gets a technological advantage. I've structured their lives in a series with unlockable achievements.

They have to kill a mammal either barehanded or with improvised weaponry to unlock the iPad. Other challenges exist as well, once the oldest learns to walk I fully expect it will be trying to scale the ice wall to get the Masserati. Its mother drives one and I can feel the acquisitiveness emanating from it every time it sees her through the viewing window.

The only rule is that the children can't harm one another to complete a challenge and teamwork is rewarded with double rewards. So it's safe and installs a sense of family. The biggest one just unlocked the unlimited pacifier reward by being able to pick it up all by itself!

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Facepalm

Uh....

quote: They're not children. You can't give them a fucking iPad and let them entertain themselves.

If you really think that's OK for children, then you shouldn't have kids either.

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" Anna Jane Grossman ("who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time") "

"I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine,"

So, basically just a dog sitter with a trendy gimmick that lets her charge a fortune, right?

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They provoke us

They provoke us with this article

They provoke us by serving us such material

They know we are itching to make witty comments

But I shall resist, I shall

I won't be manipulated into it, oh no I won't!!

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Anonymous Coward

Peanut butter

I once knew a bloke who said he trained his dog to give him a BJ.

Peanut butter was the magic training aid.

Perhaps that's a better use of a dog + peanut butter combination.

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Windows

Re: Peanut butter

Crunchy or smooth?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Peanut butter

"Crunchy or smooth?"

Do you mean the peanut butter or the BJ?

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Silly Bitch!

I am not talking about any of the dogs either!

Still looking for a vomit icon!

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America....

THIS is why the East hates you.

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Facepalm

Re: America....

Yeah because the Japanese don't do anything weird with their pets...

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/gallery/2012/jun/08/japans-pampered-pet-dogs-in-pictures#/?picture=391305185&index=0

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Re: America....

And why part of America really dislikes other parts of America. OTOH, many Americans may shake their head but think "Well, if you can seperate these idiots from their money, do it"

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Hm

"who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time"

From bullshit to dogshit, then.

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Result?

So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad? Even her witless customers presumably expect to see some result for their $50.

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Re: Result?

Write trend pieces for the NY newspapers, I'm guessing. It would explain a lot.

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Re: Result?

So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad?

I think the "New Yorker" explained that one a while back, I have this cartoon on my office wall. (Perfectly SFW, for those who worry).

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Result?

@Phil

That was what came to mind when I wondered what the dogs were doing with the iPad.

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Lesson: the first

> So what does she train the dogs to do with the iPad?

You'd kinda hope that a high priority would be to teach them not to cock a leg up to it. Everything after that should be considered a bonus.

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Anonymous Coward

Is there a MEAT angle to this?

Lester?

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Re: Is there a MEAT angle to this?

I call my dogs Emergency Meal 1, 2 & 3.

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Dogs don't seem to be neurologically equipped for this sort of thing

They have no concept of abstraction so trying to get them to respond to a screen respresentation of anything is like expecting them to look at where you're pointing and not your finger. So WTF is really expected to come out of this?

Except separating the credulous from their monies of course.

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Bad Mix

"I really like to teach things you can do sitting on your couch with a glass of wine," she enthused. "It should be something that's enjoyable, because in the end, it's about spending time with your dogs."

In my experience, dogs behave badly enough without giving them wine. So, down with this sort of thing!

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...Meat angle?

"Icanhascheezburgar?" or Lolcats?

Not sure, but the Dogs/Ipad and journalism/Dog-groomer has raised the bar on at least two counts.

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JLV
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Joke

An idea...

How about training dogs to poo on whatever tablets the owners don't like?

fanbois get their dogs trained to poo on Samsungs.

fandroids pay to have their dogs pee on iPads.

That was a joke. But... seriously, the mind boggles at some dog owners.

Ever seen thirty-something ladies walk their Dachshunds in high-end doggie strollers? A sight to behold ;-)

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Right then..

"who had recently left journalism to pursue dog training full-time" ... I believe the trainer lost what little credibility she had remaining about here...

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Coat

Re: Right then..

She'd be like her clientèle then … barking mad.

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Anonymous Coward

If I had an iPad, I'd use a lawn wallpaper and coat the screen with puppy potty training spray.

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