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back to article Obama appoints intelligence boss to run 'independent' review of NSA

President Obama has appointed James Clapper, the US Director of National Intelligence who was recently caught misleading Congress about the extent of NSA surveillance, as the head of the Review Group on Intelligence and Communications Technologies that will investigate the agency. The president announced the review of US …

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Anonymous Coward

Shocking, I say, Shocking!! [/s]

It is not as if I didn't tell you so - see

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2013/08/09/obama_proposes_fourpoint_plan_to_investigate_us_spooks/#c_1920922

And somehow I'm / we're supposed to be SURPRISED?!

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Unhappy

Head poacher says "No poaching going on here."

What a shock

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Makes you wonder why that lying basterd even bothers. Does he really think anyone is going to believe anything that asshead comes up with? Boggles the mind.

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He bothers because bribery is illegal as is a pay raise or a bonus however, Clapper will require seclusion and privacy to build his report and review his findings. Hawaii should do nicely, and to prevent hidden survellience equipment planted on his staff his team will be composed of slim naked women. He'll certainly need a chauffeured car and a plane at his disposal at all times.

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Facepalm

Oh, here I thought he was talking about the lying bastard in chief. Whew, glad that distinction without a difference is cleared up.

[wipes sweat from brow]

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Facepalm

Captain Renault: "I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!"

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A perfect choice

It just depends on how you interpreted the meaning of the word "independent"

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Irony - lts like goldy and bronzy, only made of iron

Everyone knows Americans are irony impaired. This is just another example of that.....

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Alert

What an absolute bunch of bullshit. Obama has turned into such a fucking sellout. It's a good thing slavery was already taken care of because Obama would've appointed Jefferson Davis as the chairman of the investigative committee on the impacts of slavery in the United States.

What a dick. I am so pissed off I voted twice for this hobos perineum and gave a lot of money because I was foolish enough to believe he'd not be an incredibly corrupt dickhole. I feel like I should run an advertising campaign apologizing to everyone for what I've done.

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Meh

Like so many people including yourself, I voted for the lesser of two evils - that's just the way it is in the USA. Sure, Obama's a sad disappointment of a human being but look at the choices we had?

The best protest is to nominate Bradley Manning for the Nobel Peace Prize - it would make a great bookend to Obama's award. It's hard to argue that Manning's revelations have not done more to reign in Yankee Imperialism than anything else in the last 40 years.

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I think it is time that you asked for a refund, you were sold goods that were unfit for the purpose.

For the me the irony begins when we think about how the west likes to ridicule the like of Iran or NK....There really is no need to look further than ones own doorstep.

The results will run along the lines of "We took a long hard look, we studied the ins and outs and we have come to the decision that in the name of 'keeping the people safe from the terrorists" it is the only viable solution, now please STFU, go home and keep watching television"......

I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public....

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" I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public.... "

Already have plenty of those in the US, they come in two brands, 'Republican' and 'Democrat'

Silly voters get'em by the bushel every two years and keep electing them!

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Re: " I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public.... "

I can honestly say I've voted for neither in over 30 years. Then again I'm one of those fringe looney wacko alternative party voters who picks the party who I feel at least wouldn't be totally pointless on the off chance they actually got elected.

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Re: " I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public.... "

I've been screwed by the regular bastards for the last time that's for sure. I dropped the GOP after complaining about the, then impending, Iraq war; the RNC wrote me back and said my opinion 'was not relevant in light of the overwhelming evidence indicating the presence of WMD's in Iraq'. I saved their letter and I send them copies of it and copies of the donations I make to democrat candidates and now PAC's.

Now Obama turns out to be just another disingenuous shitnugget. I'm going to vote for the most independent son of a bitch I can find and give him my money for a few terms. I'll see if they're really going to be different. If nothing else it'll be a nice change of scenery. I hope the next big party chooses a cool animal though, like a badger or some sort of jungle cat. A fish would be cool too, maybe a catfish.

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Re: " I wonder when Obama will start handing out Ass-Dildos to the US public.... "

Rhode Island had a Cool Moose Party some years ago but it doesn't seem to be active at the moment and perhaps someone could restart the old Progressive Party (Bull Moose Party) that Teddy Roosevelt started.

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RE: Obama has turned into

Turned into? Turned into? Turned into?

There's no "turned" about it. We told you he voted "present" unless his mafia bosses had already told him how to vote when he was in Chicago. We told you he what a racists bastage he was and showed you the tapes of him quietly listening to the racist Reverend. We told you he was a Marxist whose only interest was in increasing the power of The State. You should have seen it when he pushed through the 0bomination that is 0bamacare on with an able assist from the mafia don of Arizona via the Cornhusker Kickback and the New Louisiana Purchase.

But no! You called us cavemen, knuckle-draggers, and bigots.

I guess your chickens are coming home to roost. Which I wouldn't necessarily object to if they weren't also roosting in my driveway too.

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How the hell did Obama keep a straight face when he made this appointment? Does he seriously think that anyone will believe what Clap Trap says?

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Paris Hilton

You just made my day, and my day is almost over already.

Also I love the spirit of irony subtitle, thanks Mr. Reg Hack

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In other news

Bear appoints dung beetle to run independent review of something brown and steamy he just shat in the woods.

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Facepalm

And in other news...

The U.S Government™ has announced that the Fox has been appointed to guard the Henhouse. Film at 11....

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Mushroom

"Depends on what the meaning of "is" is...."

Clapper said "no," ... but weeks later, after Edward Snowden began leaking information about the activities of the intelligence services, he was forced to apologize (in a way) by saying that his response was technically correct. The issue was one of semantics in how you interpreted the meaning of the word "collect," he suggested.

Mealy-mouthed mumblefuck.

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Re: "Depends on what the meaning of "is" is...."

Here's an idea. ANY time someone in power says "it depends on what the meaning of X is", you throw them in solitary confinement for 6 months with nothing but a dictionary to read. See how it goes after that ...

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Re: "Depends on what the meaning of "is" is...."

The issue was one of semantics in how you interpreted the meaning of the word "collect," he suggested.

Was Clapper lying? That depends on how you interpret the meaning of the word "lie". Wikipedia lists 28 classifications of the noun, starting with "bad failth", "barefaced lie", "big lie", "bluffing" and "bullshit", and including, yes, "economy with the truth".

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "Depends on what the meaning of "is" is...."

"The issue was one of semantics in how you interpreted the meaning of the word "collect," he suggested."

There's precedent for that ...

It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is

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Re: "Depends on what the meaning of "is" is...."

Here's an idea. ANY time someone in power says "it depends on what the meaning of X is", you throw them in solitary confinement waterboard them for 6 months with nothing but a dictionary to read. See how it goes after that ...

FTFY!!!

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He has lied to Congress several times.

Isn't that a crime or an offence? Can't they at least sit his lying ass in front of a Great Jury? Or are Great Juries only for the plebs?

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Black Helicopters

In other news...

Today, International Henhouse appointed Harry "Hairy" Fox as its Chief Security Officer!

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abashed

Christ, you wouldn't dare make this up...

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Eco system

Anecdote: I was in Africa some time ago, usual shown around by nose stuff, but ok nontheless.

Guide: See that big log in the lake.

Us: Oooh yes.

Guide: That's an enormous crocodile. We call it 'bigger black'.

Us: (Pace back) Oooh really, why?

Guide: That spot used to have a large crocodile in it. We called it 'big black'. Park rangers reckoned it was a danger to you tourists - so they shot it. Didn't change the ecosystem though and 'bigger' moved in.

I too had great hopes for Obama, but the ecosystem hasn't changed.

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Big Brother

They must have some good shit on Obama

Just a thought.

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Alert

Re: They must have some good shit on Obama

I suspect he may have a micro penis & the NSA has pics.

Possibly Obama is really white. He's certainly been acting in a historically white fashion: Screwing people and smiling away the whole time while lying right to your face about it.

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Wonderful video

I have to applaud the video find and the key piece where Clapper admits that it gets information on citizens "Not wittingly". I'll be happy to lay odds of 2 to 1 in kegs of home brew [beer, wine, distilled (shhh this is A-merkin-land after all) spirits] that the majority of his information comes about "not wittingly". Be aware, I may, regrettably, have to ask the losers to store my winnings for such a time as I require to secure my own storage area if the volume of suckers takers is so large.

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I have just appointed

My cat to investigate the disappearance of the gold fish.

They should appoint The Clapper. At least that can turn off the lights.

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Coat

Wait just a darn minute now .

You don't trust us? Well here's a man who's already lied to tell you that you should trust us. What do you mean he can't be an impartial judge of his own job? Next you'll be telling me prisoners can't be trusted with the keys to the gaol.

I think it might be getting close to time to find a country that'll allow men the freedom to wear fancy coats in private.

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FAIL

was he just reading from a TelePrompTer again?

I wonder if the software that controls his teleprompter is configured to not display the words 'I resign as president of The United States effective immediately,' because he has introduced himself before...

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...President Obama has appointed James Clapper, the US Director of National Intelligence who was recently caught misleading Congress about the extent of NSA surveillance, as the head of the Review Group on Intelligence and Communications Technologies that will investigate the agency....

Either Sir Humphrey out of 'Yes Minister' has an American disciple in the White House administration, or he's not really dead and has been seconded across the Atlantic...

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Its a strategy to appoint him and its working good: Obama appointed the least possible fit and will let the public ramble and rant around and have an outcry, then he can simply backpaddle, select someone who is *almost* just as bad, but a noteably lesser evil. (Like for example someone from the Ministry of Interior (or whatever its called, I'm german, I dunno sorry)) . Because the first choice was so horrible, people will be a lot more likely to accept the second choice without much ado. There's some psychology for you! ;)

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Right man for the job

Clapper is not supposed to review the blatant lies told to the public, nor to address the constitutionality / legality of the spying program, he is supposed to "protect our national security and [...] account [...] for other policy considerations, such as the risk of unauthorized disclosure and our need to maintain the public trust."

Do I really need to translate? The job is to find out: (1) How to make sure no further credible leaks occur; (2) How to effectively keep all surveillance activities hidden; (3) How to spin the now public parts of the the spying program to the general populace (terrorists, terrorists, terrorists!).

This is not about an open, informed public debate (even though Obama was so very happy about Snowden initiating such a debate), it's about how to get back to business as usual.

Welcome to the Banana Republic of North America. Just too bad that this happens under first black president. Obama just looks comically weak in this affair (assuming that his liberal stance before the elections was not an act).

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Unhappy

Re: Right man for the job

Obama, even though he's a big coughing asshole, is too intelligent for the job, just like Carter was. It has now been unequivocally proven that you need a hyper aggressive, violent, barely literate religious fundamentalist to effectively run a country whose majority population are hyper aggressive, violent, barely literate religious fundamentalists. Sad really and highly disappointing.

Expecting people in the US to act right of their own volition is simply too much to expect. You've got to beat them, repeatedly, over the head; apparently.

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How low can you go?

I wonder how much further Obama can go before he is officially recognised as far worse than Bush? Bush did set a new standard but Obama seems to be competing pretty strong.

Even NK is mocking them.

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A Failed Intelligence Chief is Never Ever Enabled to Provide New Information with AIdDefinite Vision

Here are a few choice words, which I could would not at all disagree with, regarding the present currency and sub-prime incumbent state of practically all political establishments, both at home and abroad, their corrupting globalised money masters and perverse failed spinning and fawning pseudo paramilitary intelligence operating systems.

And as one considers that which passes for, and is passed off as suitable leadership in just two jurisdiction, the US and UKGBNI, is its prescience uncanny and real spooky, for who with a titter of wit and intelligence would wish to disagree and advise all of their allegiance to that which is a expanding self-destructive problem and explosive virtual situation and quite ready now, with all manner of active means and autonomous memes, for remote anonymous detonation.

"The whole organisation was riddled with nepotism - dim, dreary people of utter unmemorability; sub-men who were doubled up with other sub-men to create an illusion of strength and only doubled the weakness; others made memorable only by poisonous, corrupt malevolence or crass, mulish stupidity; the whole run by a chain of command remarkable for its feebleness. The entire service was decrepit and incompetent." …… http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/adamcurtis/posts/BUGGER

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Thumb Up

Re: A Failed Intelligence Chief . . .

Dear god man - you just adjectivised the living fuck out of that.

I award you 10 points for shear, unbridled verbosity.

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I wonder how long before they drop the "we're a democracy" sharade...same goes for europe btw.

We live in scary times, I don't see this kind of stuff changing for the best tbh

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Rule of thumb...

The louder and longer a country yells "Democracy", the less likely it is one.

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Who's taking Who for an Idiot and losing the Plot in ITs Processing of Info into Intel? Them or US?

Paleface speak with forked tongue, Kemo Sabe? ..........

Mission

We serve the American people, and understand that our mission requires selfless dedication to the security of our Nation.

Truth

We seek the truth; speak truth to power; and obtain, analyze, and provide intelligence objectively. ...... http://cryptome.org/2013/08/dni-spy-ethics.pdf

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I think the main point of this review/investigation/inquiry is to find out how the Government's secret spying programs can best remain secret.

In that regard, Clapper is a fine appointment as he is even willing to perjure himself to keep the pesky prying eyes of the citizens on the USA (you know, those people that the government is supposedly FOR, BY and OF) away from any information they might want to have an opinion on.

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