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back to article New blinged-up 'iPhone 5S' touted by Jobs FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

The next-generation iPhone, one of the last devices conceived by Apple godhead Steve Jobs before his death, will hit the shelves on 10 September, according to fresh rumours. The new spin of the iOS smartphone, expected to be called the 5S, could sport a gaudy "champagne gold" coloured case, as well as the usual white or black, …

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Trollface

New iPhone?

I thought the current one was perfection.

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Trollface

Re: New iPhone?

It is. The new one will be improved perfection, but that won't make previous models any less perfect.

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Re: New iPhone?

The new one will be improved perfection

Improved perception, maybe.

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Meh

Re: New iPhone?

It is except now your thumb will feel as if it is caressing a nipple.

Or should I say, a tit?

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Joke

Re: New iPhone? Does that mean...

"Future Imperfect"?

Hahaha, reminds me of an episode from Star Trek: The Next Generation. The way it is written up makes it seem the Phone has "parallels" (no relation to a VM, unless it is somehow tied in to parallel universes, which brings up the ST: TNG "Parallels" episode...)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Future_Imperfect

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parallels_(Star_Trek:_The_Next_Generation)

Funny how a blinged-up phone could be a "future charade", too.

Think of other blinged up phones, there may be some parallels. After all, Ryker and Worf had a nexus of "birthday" surprises. Maybe the iPhone will experience a "birthday" and alternate uniwerse, too?

Managed to drag Trek into this, but haven't considered any "communicator", PADD, VISOR, or fancy watch angles...

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Re: New iPhone?

>>>your thumb will feel as if it is caressing a nipple.

>>>Or should I say, a tit?

Feeling a right tit, I should imagine. Looking one, at least.

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Paris Hilton

Re: New iPhone?

> It is except now your thumb will feel as if it is caressing a nipple...

Like how you feel "caressing" a Mac Magic Mouse.

For obvious reasons. ----->

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Childcatcher

Re: New iPhone?

The Jesus phone now comes complete with the fingerprint of the dead hand of Jobs.

Ooh spooky!

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There also was a lot of sensational speculation about the 3GS and the 4S and look where it ended. There will be no fingerprint sensor. Its just rumors, smoke and mirrors

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Anonymous Coward

Maybe you missed the story about XML found in ios7, to drive the text to speech app, describing a fingerprint sensor in the phone.

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Anonymous Coward

>There will be no fingerprint sensor. Its just rumors, smoke and mirrors

Apple bought AuthenTec for this purpose and iOS7 has a BiometricKitUI. It's not rocket science, you can pick up self-contained USB finger scanners for around $20 in bulk.

Nonetheless I'd rather phone builders waited until cheap sensors can tell the difference between a living thumb and a severed one.

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Anonymous Coward

"There also was a lot of sensational speculation about the 3GS and the 4S and look where it ended. There will be no fingerprint sensor. Its just rumors, smoke and mirrors"

Fingerprint sensor? Hello 2000! Back again I see?

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Anonymous Coward

There was also the recent (ish) patent they filed regarding inserting a finger print sensing layer in a touchscreen (or a button apparently).

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Fingerprint sensor? Hello 2000! Back again I see?

Yup, pretty safe to say everyone's done that one before, and then gotten rid of it as a pointless gimmick.

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Just because previous fingerprint sensors didn't catch on

Doesn't necessarily mean this one won't. If it does, and Android phones follow by adding this as well, Apple haters could console themselves with the fact that not only was Apple not the first to put a fingerprint sensor on a phone (the Motorola Atrix had a swipe sensor on the side of the phone a couple years ago) but also wouldn't have invented the technology used in the 5S, but rather acquired it through the purchase of Authentec.

The main problem with the fingerprint sensors found in a lot of laptops (and at least the Motorola Atrix a couple years ago as far as phones go) is that they were the 'swipe' type, which are far less accurate, but are also much less expensive, which is why they get slapped onto cheap laptops and phones. The bigger problem for a phone is that they require a separate motion. If Apple could add a fingerprint sensor to the home button which you're pressing already, it could unlock your phone automatically with no need for a password (or for added security in addition to the password) People like me who have a password only after a period of inactivity, rather than for every unlock, because it is too much of a pain that way, could have the security enabled all the time.

Saving that extra second it takes to type in your unlock password isn't really worth much unless it improves security. While some of the schemes the Mythbusters used to lift prints and bypass fingerprint readers would likely work on this too (unless Authentec made some real breakthroughs) they're enough of a pain most people won't do them to snoop in a friend's/SO's phone. So a phone with a fingerprint sensor would be more secure from casual snooping than one using a PIN/password since the latter is pretty easy to figure out if you watch someone unlock their phone very often.

Those who really care about security would use BOTH the fingerprint and a password, which would raise the bar for anyone trying to access your phone. Though the fact you will leave your phone covered in fingerprints would not help if rather than a street criminal you and your phone were specifically targeted by thieves who badly wanted access to something contained in it!

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Anonymous Coward

"Fingerprint sensor? Hello 2000! Back again I see?

Yup, pretty safe to say everyone's done that one before, and then gotten rid of it as a pointless gimmick."

Right, because technology never advances and nobody could possibly improve on a fingerprint sensor from 2000.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Just because previous fingerprint sensors didn't catch on

"Saving that extra second it takes to type in your unlock password isn't really worth much unless it improves security."

When I have a passcode on my phone, it takes me long enough to enter it and I do it often enough that I just turn it off unless I'm going to be in a situation where my phone is likely to be stolen. (Crowded sporting event, etc.) I would happily even pay $50-$100 extra for an iPhone with a fingerprint sensor if it allowed me to have some modicum of security without the inconvenience of entering a code.

Really I just need the security to be strong enough to prevent a thief from turning off the "Find my iPhone" service before I'm able to send the remote wipe command. I don't care if the fingerprint sensor is military grade.

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Anonymous Coward

New features

I've heard a rumour that there will be a rotary DIAL on this one. You put your finger in one of the holes corresponding to a number and rotate it to select that number. Some will be marked up with letters too, eg for the letter S, you would put your finger in that hole and rotate the dial much like with a number. After that you will feel a complete S hole.....

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Devil

Re: Just because previous fingerprint sensors didn't catch on

How to be an evil overlord, rule 66:

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

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Pint

Absolutely. Pointless gimmicks have no place on an iPhone.

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Pint

Well the advances made in the 10 years to 2010 didn't result in anything more usable or reliable than the ones in 2000.

You think there has been more significant progress in the 3 years since ? And Apple the only/first ones to realise and put it in their phones ? Given that technology in iPhones tends to lag wider applications somewhat ?

I'll have two of whatever you're drinking.

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"Nonetheless I'd rather phone builders waited until cheap sensors can tell the difference between a living thumb and a severed one."

And more importantly a gummi bear. Fingerprint technology will never be more secure than writing your password on a post it note attached to the device, your car, your home, your knife and fork at lunch etc. unless used in conjunction with some other factor.

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Re: Just because previous fingerprint sensors didn't catch on

To be honest, if they're at the state that a fingerprint sensor is a headline feature, that says it all. (Android phones added face-unlock, but this was just one of a long list of features, and I don't believe was ever a flagship or marketed feature of the Android smartphones.)

But then, after basic features like apps, multitasking or speech recognition being flagship features of earlier iphones, it wouldn't surprise me that this is the main new addition of the 5S/6/5GS/whatever.

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FAIL

>>Pointless gimmicks have no place on an iPhone.

Apple Maps anyone? Tried it again last week and it's still totally shite. "Do you want London in America?" "NO!"

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Anonymous Coward

'could sport a gaudy "champagne gold" coloured case'

Aiming at the Eastern European/Middle East markets then....?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: 'could sport a gaudy "champagne gold" coloured case'

I don't know - I could see something like champagne gold appealing to a lot of members of the Starbucks set

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Re: 'could sport a gaudy "champagne gold" coloured case'

New colour name...'Fapple Yellow'

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Stop

Re: 'could sport a gaudy "champagne gold" coloured case'

"champagne gold" runs the risk of turning "urine yellow" over time after fading.

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Terminator

I can’t wait, give it a few years…

The next-generation iC Phone, one of the last devices conceived by Apple godhead Steve Jobs before his death, will hit the shelves on the 42nd Septober, according to fresh rumours.

The new spin of the iCOS smartphone, expected to be called the 35S, could sport a gaudy "white" colored case, as well as the usual see-through ‘i’ implant, Brazilian Robotics site Porcaria claimed.

Even though Jobs shuffled off this mortal coil almost two decades ago, Apple has continued to release new iStuff devised by the billionaire baron during his gilded reign…

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Re: I can’t wait, give it a few years…

Is he really dead, why does he remind me of Lysaer s'Ilessid?

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Re: Lysaer s'Ilessid?

I was thinking more along the Hari Seldon line. He reappears every now and again in front of the Apple board in the form of a pre-recorded messages to help guide the righteous through the dark barbarism brought about by the rise of Android.

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Happy

Hari Seldon line...

"I was thinking more along the Hari Seldon line. He reappears every now and again in front of the Apple board in the form of a pre-recorded messages to help guide the righteous through the dark barbarism brought about by the rise of Android."

i like that.

But what I'm really imagining is a Futurama head-in-a-jar

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Alien

Re: I can’t wait, give it a few years…

Could have sworn I saw some one who looked just like Steve Jobbs serving in a take away last week in Lodnon. Some one else told me they saw him in a post office queue in Edinburgh ....

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Re: I can’t wait, give it a few years…

I was thinking the Immortal Emperor from Battletech/Earthsiege/Starsiege, but then I played waaaaay too much Starsiege as a kid.

Wait, what am I saying? It's impossible to play too much Starsiege. Hell, I hooked a Steel Battalion controller into my PC for that game.

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Anonymous Coward

Talk about desperate!

They are STILL using Steve Jobs to market the iFolly!

It just smacks of desperation.

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Anonymous Coward

technically, isn't it El Reg that is still using Steve Jobs?

Apple haven't released any press announcements about the phone, so not sure why you're accusing them of using his name. The idea that Jobs is actively promoting the product is pure speculation on behalf of The Register to get more click-through and advertising revenue.

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Anonymous Coward

"But with shareholders concerned that the fruity firm has stopped innovating"

Hardly surprising! Fingerprint sensors are decades old!

Polish a turd and the iFolly is born!

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Anonymous Coward

""But with shareholders concerned that the fruity firm has stopped innovating"

Hardly surprising! Fingerprint sensors are decades old!"

Well I am a shareholder and I am not at all concerned.

Tell me obviously!, has any manufacturer actually attempted and succeeded in fitting a finger print sensor toa mobile phone? I mean, in all these decades? Perhaps they were/are too unreliable until now? Perhaps only Apple has been willing to engineer or pay to have the engineering done? Perhaps you are a moron ...

And anyway, whatever happened to all the NFC hype. It seems that it has died and no one is now claiming Apple will include it and who is to blame them, NFC--> WAP all over again.

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Steve Jobs is the new Gene Roddeberry

Apple will be trotting out inventions for years which supposedly Jobs had a hand in guiding. Even if he didn't.

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Facepalm

Re: Steve Jobs is the new Gene Roddeberry

With figures showing the faithful are not as enamoured with Jobs' fruit-farm produce as they may have been 5 years ago, they need a bit of marketing push to get them back through the doors of those very expensive Apple stores that much cost a bomb to rent. What better way than to say he was such a genius he left some old style Da-Vinci sketches in only-just-discovered notebooks they found behind his fridge!

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FAIL

Re: Steve Jobs is the new Gene Roddeberry

or rather El Reg will be trotting out reports of.....

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Anonymous Coward

Definition of tout (v)

tout

[ towt ]

2. attract customers: to try to attract customers or support, especially in an aggressive or persistent way

3. try to sell something: to advertise or offer something for sale

I put it to you that Steve Jobs is actually doing neither of those things. The headline is utter balderdash!

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just another ElReg click bait, certainly caught me

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It's an iPhone...

This means it will be overhyped, underwhelming, overpriced, and overrated.

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Facepalm

Maybe to you...

But the sheer numbers sold suggest they're getting something right.

Or do you know better?

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Re: Maybe to you...

“But the sheer numbers sold suggest they're getting something right.

Or do you know better?”

Numbers do not mean the product is good, I would point out this section from the Wikipedia entry for bestselling singles

“Elvis Presley and Katy Perry have six entries each, and Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Beyoncé, Flo Rida and Britney Spears, each appear five times”

Add that to the fact Celine Dion sold 15 million copies of ‘My Heart will go on’ and I think your argument is invalid.

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Re: Maybe to you...

Well that's the people overrating it!

Or even so, by numbers, it's still overrated and overhyped - more coverage should be given to still Nokia, and especially Samsung.

A multinational company gets "something right"? Is that your goalpost-moving argument? Well amazing, give them a medal!

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"Fruity firm"

Used twice in this piece. Do you have key combos for clichés like this? It would save a lot of time.

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