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back to article ULTIMATE cuppa contenders prepare to go mug-to-mug

We're one step closer today to deciding the ultimate cuppa with the announcement of the 12 contenders which will go mug-to-mug in the pursuit of tea perfection. Our crack team of shopping experts has braved multiple supermarkets in search of your nominations, and we're set to turn the matter over to our panel of tasting experts …

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Correction

"... plucked with golden tweezers ..."

The tweezers should be made of wood, from the root of an old tea bush. This reduces the stress on the young leaf when it is plucked. You really can taste the difference.

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Devil

Re: Correction

You're an audiophile too, aren't you.

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Pint

Re: Correction

Pretty sure he writes his own drivers, too..

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I wonder

After moving to the other end of the world -- the end where most tea actually comes from -- I started to wonder whether the brown stuff in European supermarkets actually represents a product spoiled by long sea travel. All I can find here is green tea.

I still miss the stuff.

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Re: I wonder

This was the premise of the clippers, such as the Cutty Sark, fresh, fast delivered tea was better. As it turns out, no there's no depreciation in quality so all that effort was merely misguided marketing.

Tea leaf taste does vary, so each tea manufacturer employs tasters and blenders that get samples of the tea from the ships, blend it all in clever ways until they get the mix that matches the taste of Tetleys, PG (insert brand here). Then that mix is sent back to the production line, and the leaves are mixed on a huge scale.

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Re: I wonder

We call our tea "Black" or "Indian/Ceylon" but in China it's called Red Tea. It's certainly less popular than Green tea.

I like local Kenyan (black) tea, large leaves. Nothing like the exported Kenyan tea though.

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Milk in mug before or after tea: After

PHILISTINES

AND WHERE'S THE EARL GREY?

I'd probably choose the Assam out of that selection, but surely there is no one perfect cuppa? Horses for courses and all that.

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Re: Milk in mug before or after tea: After

Earl Grey? You should be banned for future tea discussions. Earl Grey tea is a Victorian con-trick. The eponymous Earl tried adding Bergamot oil to anything he could to get rid of the stuff, before finally jumping on the latest bandwagon "tea."

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Joke

Re: Milk in mug before or after tea: After

I think that there's no Earl Grey because we're making tea, not pot porri.

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Background

I'm not a great fan of desktop backgrounds and much prefer a solid colour. However, for the near future my desktop will be adorned by an image of ten boxes and two packets of tea.

Will there be some sort of award so that the producer can slap it on there packaging, El Reg Best in Class or El Reg Recommended, that sort of thing.

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Re: Background

Vulture Compatible Mark

Something like that. Have to make a hoohah for the trophy handover, too. Red carpet job.

Glad someone is finally taking this all so seriously - is it the highest paid Apple guy we read had been sent to 'special projects'??

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Happy

Re: Background

I have this recollection of accidentally watching some really naff 7pm BBC1 "consumer" telly show back in 1997 presented by *shudders* Vanessa Feltz, in which they rolled out some elderly cockneys to do a tea taste test just like this - the overriding winner - Tesco Value Tea Bags!!!??!!!

I am of coursed scared for life by watching Mrs Feltz in full slurping action but that aside, it has given me the idea that maybe El-Reg should launch it's very own LOHAN consumer lifestyle YouTube channel showing similarly naff shows, minus gobby blond lady?!

Think 'You and Yours' but with no over simplifications of internet technologies and instead, actual pictures and puns!

I can just see it now, the gleaming Vulture rosette heartily slapped on to a prize-winning, steaming, well used and totally spent, soggy bag!....

.....but enough about Mrs Feltz!

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The seven most terrifying words in the English language

'watching Mrs Feltz in full slurping action'

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Re: Background

For an alternative you can always try some of the stuff from Armen Rotch.

http://armenrotch.blogspot.co.uk/

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Pint

Time of Day...

Id go for the Twinings blends but my tea choice varies throughout the day depending on requirements...

Start the day with Assam with its strong flavour, then move onto EBT and its more mellow taste by about Lunchtime.

El Reg, where's the tea icon?

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Stop

Eh, it's not a real tea-tasting unless you have.....

TEA!...EARL GREY!....HOT!

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Re: Eh, it's not a real tea-tasting unless you have.....

is it just me, or does anyone else always feel the urge to stick "COME!" on the end of that quote?

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Alert

Re: Eh, it's not a real tea-tasting unless you have.....

The tea wasn't that good.

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No point in starting this yet

You can't complete the test until you've identified the Ultimate Dunking Biscuit.

If it worsens the quality of my digestive, it's not an Ultimate Cuppa.

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: No point in starting this yet

Surely the ultimate dunking biscuit test should be done once we've established exactly what's the ultimate cuppa to dunk it in?

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MrT
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You just don't get...

...this level of consumer advice anywhere else. Pretty soon we will have the whole set - bacon buttie, mug of tea, and then which variety of Hobnob to dunk.

Oh, hang on, Hobnob's are better in coffee... or are they?

Carry on, good sirs!

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Happy

Re: You just don't get...

MrT,

Now you've gone and done it! You've woken up the Hobnob Taleban! The most vicious combatants in the biscuit world...

I'm not sure I even dare to say that I find Hobnobs to be mediocre. If I had to dunk in tea, it would be a ginger or chocolate coated digestive, but I tend to find the biccie spoils the tea.

My actual favourite biscuit is the Jaffa cake - and that's not even a biscuit. So what do I know?

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Happy

Re: You just don't get...

You do know the nice crunchy bits in a Hobnob are goblin's toenail clippings? Won't stop me eating them.

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Re: No point in starting this yet

For all biscuit-related matters (but not, oddly enough, tea) may I refer you to the authoratative site http://www.nicecupofteaandasitdown.com/. Many a time I have been guided by the wisdom of their "biscuit of the week".

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Re: You just don't get...

A Furniss Cornish ginger fairing and a mug of tea (no milk thank-you) is pretty much unbeatable.

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Anonymous Coward

Ideal dunk subject

2 Rich Tea biscuits placed back to back, dunk, put whole assemblage in gob in one go, repeat until end of packet

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Re: Ideal dunk subject

Even better if you butter them with real salted butter.

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MrT
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What...?

...In tea? I knew a French girl who dipped butter croissants in her coffee, but not tea... that's just not cricket, old boy ;-)

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Re: What...?

I know what you mean. My wife dips all sorts of things in tea, muffins, bread... and it makes me cringe.

However give the rich tea sandwich a go and next thing you know you'll be seeing how many you can stack up and still get them in your mouth all at once. You might need a really big mug but then all tea drinkers should already have one, my preference is a pint jar.

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Boffin

Re: Ideal dunk subject

Apparently it's all down to capillary action and the Washburn equation, according to Dr Len Fisher.

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Go

Re: Ideal dunk subject

That's a good tactic for choccy biccies. Take 2 chocolate biscuits, mash them together, chocolate in, dunk and enjoy without getting chocolate fingers (though you will have chocolate mouth as you try to jam this large biscuit sandwich in your gob!)

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Hard water!

How on earth are you going to make the ultimate cuppa with hard water ???

You need to come here, to gods own county to brew something really worth drinking. All that messing about with different teabags is OK but you have to start with freshly drawn Yorkshire water if you want to produce anything decent from any of them.

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: Hard water!

Do us a favour then - stick 200 litres in the post.

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Pint

Re: Hard water!

Isn't Yorkshire water fairly hard anyway? I'm sure the water in York itself was hard because of the water running off the Moors.

Icon: Sam Smith's, because it's cheap.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Hard water!

My part of Yorkshire has hard water.

You must be from South Yorkshire, everything is soft down there, even the locals are soft in t'head.

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MrT
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Re: Sam Smith's

Dales side of North Yorkshire is soft water - like in Ripon, Masham, etc. Even if parts were in t'West Riding before '74 tha knows...

Masham, 'cos Black Sheep is better ;-)

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Re: Sam Smith's

I never got up that way as much as I would have liked when I was living up north. I stand corrected.

And of course Black sheep is better, but I'm not payin' that for a pint.

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Facepalm

Re: Hard water!

"You need to come here, to gods own county to brew something really worth drinking. All that messing about with different teabags is OK but you have to start with freshly drawn Yorkshire water if you want to produce anything decent from any of them."

Oh, right: We shouldn't bother drinking tea with what we've got, then. Best I tell the entire county not to brew up ever again!

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jai
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looking forward to reading this article and the comments, but first...

... i need to make myself a cuppa...

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Stop

12 Contenders - No, No only 11

I have it on very good authority (insider info) that the variations of twinnings "black" tea is really just marketing. Everyday, english breakfast etc are all the same, just in a different box.

I was tortured on whether to post this or not (probably the same level of mental angst Darwin suffered before his publication of that much disputed book about stuff) as it would have been a nice "control".

Unfortunately my smug-know-it-all alter ego got the better of me.

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Happy

Re: 12 Contenders - No, No only 11

This is worst then that blooming horse-meat scandal if you ask me! I think the media needs to investigate at once! I'm looking forward to seeing gormless BBC News reporters spending two months of their lives standing aimlessly outside the Twinings factory with nothing to say but the bloody obvious until it's all forgotten about!

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Re: 12 Contenders - No, No only 11

Once you dump cow juice in the mug they'll taste the same anyway.

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Re: 12 Contenders - No, No only 11

@Richard the Head: if your inside information on Twinings tea is as reliable as your spelling of their name, then I think we can ignore it.

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Tim Tam

It's the only thing to 'dunk' - was sceptical about it until I tried it, bite off opposite corners and suck the tea through then eat - simply divine, not sure the type of Tea really matters, but my tipple of choice is Lady Grey without milk, sugar or lemon.

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Anonymous Coward

ISO and BS standards

Dont forget to have a read for proper methodology:

ISO 3103 / BS 6008:1980

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Re: ISO and BS standards

Already noted: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/02/15/cuppa_round_up/?page=3

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An important variable...

...that we may not have considered is the state of the imbiber at the time of consumption. I don't know whether this applies across the board but I've found evidence that the following conditions can greatly enhance a cuppa:

- returning home after being drenched in the rain

- coming back from a heavy night on the sauce

- drinking one after having missed your early morning cuppa

- sharing one in the company of a stuffed monkey (unconfirmed)

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rubbish....

Sorry, there's no Dilmah tea on that list, then it's not proper tea! All on that list are some bastard derivation of the real thing...

Yes I'm being snobbish, but then I'm from Sri Lanka, where the stuff is grown...

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Devil

Re: rubbish....

Agree, but it's not readily available here.

It's always good to see Dilmah as a tea in hotels when travelling. The less said about Liptons the better!!!

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