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back to article CSC enslaves Infochimps to create army of big data monkeymen

In an announcement so garbled that our Big Data Translator had to be coated in Hadoop-based lubricant to spew out some sense, analytics company Infochimps has been acquired by outsourcer-extraordinaire CSC. The data-analytics company announced it had been acquired on Tuesday alongside CSC's earnings, during which CSC reported a …

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"A CSC spokesman told The Register that no redundancies are planned"

They forgot to include the word 'yet'.

How long before CSC announce a rationalisation of the chimps and hundreds get booted out of the safari park?

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Anonymous Coward

Oh, Infochimps is a company.

I thought they were referring to the Indian employees....

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Horsefeathers!

Some of these people are just so full of their own s***, they could fertilise the Sahara.

Unfortunately, we seem to have developed a subculture that actively promotes and rewards people that can spout gibberish, whilst thinking that this is the way to successfully manage a business.

But far too many of these senior people couldn't successfully run a market stall as they simply don't have the basic business skills necessary. They all seem to buy into the same arrant nonsense; and when it all goes horribly wrong, none of them seem to suffer, only the "little people" that the business really depends upon.

It really is quite depressing.

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Megaphone

Life imitates art!

When CSC begins to insert the Infochimps DNA into its global staff of 90,000 employees ... powerful things are bound to happen

Someone clearly is channeling Cave Johnson.

Those of you helping us test the repulsion gel today, just follow the blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news: bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men. Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test starts.

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Gene splicing

The DNA splicing bit becomes much clearer when you take into account his pitch to Fortune 100 CEOs ...

“If you want to create a creature that can breathe underwater and fly, would it be more feasible to insert the genes for gills into a seagull, or splice the genes for wings into a herring?”

I don't know. How about grafting a jet engine onto the back of a penguin? Would that work?

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Re: Gene splicing

Who knows, but the manga/anime can't be long in coming now you gave birth to that idea...

Tuxrocket

RocketTux

JetPen

Bio-Penguin x19

Pingundam

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Mushroom

Re: Gene splicing

"How about grafting a jet engine onto the back of a penguin? Would that work"

No - neither penguins nor jet engines can breathe underwater....

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Re: Gene splicing

But it would enable a flightless bird to fly, finally. Those stubby little wings would also be useful at higher speeds..

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Mushroom

Re: Gene splicing

Dropping it off a cliff would have a similar effect for far less cost and effort...

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Anonymous Coward

CSC - Meaning of word leverage:

Wait a while, get contracted terms and conditions confirmed. Finish maybe 12 month period.. then...

LEVERAGE = MOVE WORK TO CSC INDIA/VIETNAM or CHINA (Yes they have people in China) then make redundant...

Oh sounds like what they are doing to the brits.

BUT I also know a few people in CSC India made redundant......... what goes round comes round!!!

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Typical CSC -

The rest of the world make the money and the States piss it against the wall.

Phil.

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