back to article French boffins: Regard, our record-breaking long, fat, wet pipe

Boffins have designed a new underwater network pipe which can transmit data at record-breaking speeds. Researchers at Alcatel-Lucent claim their new cable is three times faster than the "most advanced underwater cables currently in use". Working at Alcatel-Lucent’s Innovation City campus in Villarceaux near Paris, boffins from …

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Silver badge

Limber up first...

"If we assume the average 15 minute, low-res blue movie is about 100 megabytes in size, this would mean the new cable could speed 40,632 naughty flicks across the Atlantic every second, enough for 423 days and nights of non-stop porn viewing - in just one second."

...or you'll get one hell of a cramp.

Steven R

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Joke

Re: Limber up first...

To avoid that outcome the matron at my boarding school recommended changing hands every 100 strokes...

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Paris Hilton

Re: Limber up first...

Phil, to hers?

Sorry, was that a bit too much for this time in the morning?

(silently chuckles to self, nefariously)

Steven 'grumpy bast this morning' R

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Childcatcher

Re: Limber up first...

Steven, there was no shortage of available and willing hands at that school...

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Thumb Up

Re: Limber up first...

I'm trying to work out if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

What am I talking about, it involves having a hand shandy, is that ever a bad thing?

Steven R

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Limber up first...

OMG! You had to unleash the "hand shandy" daemon unto us? I've always found that one particularly disturbing. All that froth flying about the place. For God's sake man: ENOUGH!

;-)

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Anonymous Coward

fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap...

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Not if

David Cameron has anything to do with it!

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Unhappy

Re: Not if

Thank <deity> that I live on the continent..

Why is this such a big issue with the Brits anyway? Are there more peado bears in GB than anywhere else. Are the majority really that shocked about porn ?

Or is this just shit politics bearing down upon an ignorant public...

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Childcatcher

Re: Not if

I don't have any objection to this whole (optional) porn and violence filtering drive IN PRINCIPLE. Perhaps a bit surprisingly as I'm generally of a rather liberal bent. The old interwebs can be a bloody gruesome place and the IDEA of protecting the kiddywinks form the worst of it seems rather worthy. Bit of a bugger for the ISPs to achieve though, I'd imagine... and I rather hope that a bit of a bugger for the ISPs doesn't translate into a thumping great price hike for the poor plebs at the end of the wires who (always) pick up the tab.

I also can't imagine it being terribly effective.

So it'll all probably amount to nothing more than another ineffective PR stunt resulting in higher bills. Wicked.

I'm concerned there's something insidious and rather evil lurking behind these sort of initiatives though. Once in place, we're all protecting the children. Fine. As far as it goes. All optional, at the bill payer's discretion. Lovely jubblies. Then... oh noes!.. The wee rascals are being groomed into using anti-censorship tools to corrupt themselves. The poor wee souls are exposing themselves to filth and badthink despite our wholesome filtering. We must outlaw these obscure and depraved programs immediately. Think of the children.

Suddenly we're all trapped in Whitehall's walled garden nirvana and the government once more has full control of the public media. Just a couple of little twiddles with the not-so-optional "national security" bits of those child protecting filters....

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Silver badge

Re: Not if

Leaving kids unsupervised on the net is the online equivalent to letting them play in busy traffic in a seedy downtown are.

The filters are about the equivalent of a low "safety fence" - kids can see straight through it and bored ones will vault over it.

There is zero substitute for parental supervision.

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Go

Reg Unit

This sounds like a new Reg Unit for data transfer!

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Paris Hilton

Wrong link?

According to analysis from Extreme Tech, one major smut site funnels out filth at a rate of 100 gigabytes per second, or 800Gbps. This means that the new underwater pipe could handle about 40 top-ranked grumble merchants at any given time.

...is linked to this:

http://www.extremetech.com/computing/96827-the-secret-world-of-submarine-cables

Perhaps this was the intended destination?..

http://www.extremetech.com/computing/123929-just-how-big-are-porn-sites

I bet Paris Hilton knows a thing or two about distributing porn.

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How am I supposed to survive this ?

It's like a leathery ragged stump already, and now this !

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El Reg Units

"40,632 naughty flicks across the Atlantic every second"

What that in HD porn movies?

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Can I really be the first to say ...

Ceci n'est pas une pipe?

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Re: Can I really be the first to say ...

Excellent Magritte reference, so have an upvote. But, to be fair, Magritte was not French but Belgian. And I know a lot of Belgians, even in the French speaking part, that would not like to be thrown in with the French...

@andy : excellent suggestion. I propose nfps (naughty flicks per second) and NFps (for the HD variety), to stay in line withthe mbps/MBps/MB/MiB/etc crowd.

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Re: Can I really be the first to say ...

If you are lucky it might become une cravate de notair.

I am sure Georges Simenon would have approved so the Maigret reference is not off beam.

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Joke

Re: Can I really be the first to say ...

A Magritte reference? I thought it was a Marc Dorcel one.

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Bronze badge

Does that mean...

...if it weren't for a lot of sad lonelies (who will now downvote this post), I'd be surfing at lightning fast speeds?

P.s. Just to anticipate and reply to the one person who smugly wants to "point out the obvious" and say that porn users are the reason why speeds are so high: you're wrong.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Does that mean...

Actually my initial response is to smugly point out a completely different obvious:

What do "sad lonelies" have to do with anything? It's much better enjoyed with company.

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Bronze badge
Happy

Re: Does that mean...

Nothing your partner likes more than to have you need porn around as well! Or are you AC because it's the other way round? :)

Or, if you're talking about watching it with your mates then I would still class that as sad lonelies. Although at least from a global bandwidth point of view it's better than you doing it individually.

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Alien

Unholy Switches from R'lyeh required

I can even imagine who makes switches that can pump and parse that kind of throughput (Vint's dream of switching with lenses - literally colored traffic - not really here yet). I suspect the real story here is that Alcatel has discovered Cthulu's undersea city and are using it's power to be able to route/switch at that bandwidth level.

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Thumb Up

Standard Unit of Data Rate

"40,632 naughty flicks across the Atlantic every second"

40632 FAPS (Film Accesses Per Second)

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