back to article Secret ROYAL BABY birth VIDEO leaked! (And other malware scams)

It's the moment malware writers worldwide have been waiting ages for: millions of royal-watchers at home and at work will be in front of their computers, hunting for the first pictures of the soon-to-be-born third heir to the throne. The Duchess of Cambridge's labour has started, it was confirmed this morning. The baby, whatever …

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Pint

Twins

"So, it it were twins, and a C-section, is it the doctor that decides the line of succession. Are there protocols?"

I thought the protocol was to put one of them in an iron (or was it leather?) mask and locking him/her away in a dungeon. Maybe I'm mistaken. Anyway, who cares about that baby. Do those people really need such an event as an excuse for a drink?

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Ah Irony

I was so interested I clicked on the news story without a seconds thought.

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"Your great, great, great grandfather lived off the labour of my great, great, great grandfather, so for the sake of 'tradition' please continue to live lavishly at my expense."

Can someone please explain the British obsession with their royalty to me? To an outsider, it beggars belief.

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(Written by Reg staff)

There's an awful lot to be said, legally and constitutionally, in favour of having a head of state who's sandboxed from the levers of power while powerful state institutions (military, police, judiciary) swear allegiance to someone who isn't a whim-prone politician.

The pomp and circumstance is pretty good for tourism too.

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Quite right

I admit to republican tendencies (i.e. I prefer a republic, as opposed to supporting those right wing merkin loonies), but if the alternative to a constitutional monarchy is a US-style presidency where it costs billions to buy a head of state, then I think we might as well stick with Liz and her offspring for a while.

Of course, once Wales is independent things will be different - I liked the suggestion made some years back that we have the Chief Druid as ceremonial head of state - wouldn't that be fun!

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Childcatcher

Just think - without a Monarch as head of state we would be like France or USA.........

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Bronze badge

...or Germany with a ceremonial non-executive president. Go on, tell me who the German President is. The only one I can remember is Hindeberg.

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Alien

No Arthur

I can't understand either, and I am British.

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Obsession?

The majority of Brits that I know are vaguely in favour of the monarchy, when they think about it at all. A royal baby is seen as a good excuse for a beer or an extra bank holiday. The ones that obsess about it are generally republicans. Some of my Merkin acquaintances OTOH, obsess furiously about the minutiae of monarchy and expect me to share their interest. Check the amount of coverage this event is getting on US TV.

The British have a long history of pragmatism - if it ain't broke, don't fix it. When monarchy has been broken (historically) it was fixed good and proper (one execution, one forced abdication).

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Headmaster

Re: Obsession?

When monarchy has been broken (historically) it was fixed good and proper (one execution, one forced abdication).

You forgot "one replacement by a Dutch bloke because he was the only Stuart who wasn't useless".

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Re: Chief Druid

As long as the Chief Druid is a proper Iron Age one, not the dreadful 19th century fantasy copies. Admittedly it might be tricky to get the human sacrifices cleared under European human rights legislation, and the sacred groves hung with the victims would breach a whole raft of environmental and health and safety laws, but hey ho, at least the poetry should be good.

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Coat

The only one I can remember is Hindeberg.

Big fat bastard, prone to bursting into flames....right?

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Meh

Also means you can send yer actual Head of State[1] away for a bit of diplomatic gladhanding without it having any significant effect on the day-to-day running of the country.

I'm also not sure that "The Office of President Bliar", were such a thing to exist, would be any cheaper than what's currently spent on the Civil List since it was fearsomely pared down some years ago.

Also, some bunch of arsehats would probably elect Stephen Fry..........

[1] i.e. avoiding the diplomatic snub of sending the Vice-President, PM, or some other second tier type.

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Silver badge

Carefull don't go dumping all of your dead bodies in the same bag.

The English might have an obsesssion for the royalty, I am not so sure that any else really cares.

The Scottish : Well the queen owns some nice property but thats about it as far as the Scots are concerned.

The Irish ( Northern Irish), have a very split idea of things.......touchy subject depending on your faith ;-)

The Welsh - I dont have the foggiest idea what they think, although I can imagine that they don't benefit very much from the Royal Entourage either....

The term "British" is actually a very vague term.... It all depends on the subject whether or not it concerns everyone that lives on the island(s).

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What about Prince Charles and his black spider memos? We aren't even allowed to know how much he is trying to influence government policy. And presumably we won't be allowed to know when he becomes king either.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk-news/2013/jul/09/prince-charles-letters-mps-private-court

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Facepalm

Don't joke. I was listening to a broker in our office underwriting a Renault Clio "Nürburgring Edition". However the guy on the other end kept on calling it a Nuremberg Edition. I heard the broker the "correcting" him, saying "It's Nürburgring, not Nuremberg. The Nuremberg was the big blimp that went on fire".

It turns out that the people I support get the most important war crime trials of the 20th century mixed up with a Zepelin <sigh>

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@Hugh

Yes, I was thinking of 1688. Ed VIII occurred to me after posting, but the edit function wasn't available. I suppose it might be argued that he wasn't forced to abdicate, he could have dumped Wallis (or kept her as a bit on the side) and continued to rule. It was marrying a thrice-divorced Yank <shudder> that was considered beyond the pale.

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Re: Quite right

The way I see it, a country is better off with a monarch or a benevolent dictator.

A monarch (or dictator) has to keep their country running and keep their subjects happy, their life and their family's depend on it.

An elected president (or prime minister in my case) only has to keep people happy long enough to be elected for another term.

Elected officials consequently tend to plan for the next 5 or 10 years as that is usually the length of their time in power.

Monarchs need to take a long term (generations long) view and plan accordingly. Their well-being relies on the well-being of their empire.

Give me the monarchy, I'm done with Harper.

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Holmes

@Arthur 1 - >"Can someone please explain the British obsession with their royalty to me? To an outsider, it beggars belief."

Brits have to have something to keep their attention between the time they finish oggling the page 3 topless girls in their morning newspaper and when the pubs open at 11am.

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Re: Chief Druid

@sandman

"Admittedly it might be tricky to get the human sacrifices cleared under European human rights legislation"

Rubbish, religions can ignore all laws and do what the hell they want. A good example outside of the obvious sharia law would be the Church of England "debating" haveing Women Bishops

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Windows

Hmm

If my Twitter's anything to go by, they're really overestimating people's interest in the lizard-baby.

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Scaremonger?

" "I don't want to scaremonger, but it's easy to imagine," he said."

I'd be extremely disappointed if there were not loads of bait liberally scattered over the usual fishing lake.

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Pirate

Scaremonger?

" "I don't want to scaremonger, but it's easy to imagine," he said."

I'd be extremely disappointed if there were not loads of bait liberally scattered over the usual fishing lake.

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Scam Titles

I am sure that the El Reg readership could come up with some interessting title for the scamware emails.

Example :

* Duchess of Cambridge bares her finest asset whilst giving birth.

* Is the baby bald or has the Duchess just had a brazilian.

* The Duchess of Cambridge in stirrups, as you have never seen her before.

et cetera....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Scam Titles

Royal Baby Ginger!

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They could do good work.

The general rule of thumb is that the internet is 10% useful, 90% photos of pussies and kittens.

Given that the halfwits who believe that the internet would magically have a video of the royal clunge disgorging another screaming mess of selective inbreeding are almost certainly the same idiots who think that by Liking a photo on Facebook then some huge socially important change will magically happen.

Therefore they are guaranteed to be ones causing all the global warming by requiring the Internet to have the bandwidth needed to store all the cute kitteh photos and faux-social-commentary-like-this-now-to-ensure-the-Alsatian-puppies-get-their-cancer-treatment-police-justice things.

Thus, the malware can be used to identify people who really shouldn't be allowed an Internet connection. Which would negate the need for Kittehs, meaning about half the Internet would suddenly be freed up.

It is likely this would cause job losses at hosting firms, and limit the growth of security software houses.

It is also likely the security agency snooping on web traffic become more effective, as they'd no longer have to wade through endless videos of cats doing cat things.

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Inbreeding?

Everybody is inbred. Some are more inbred than others.

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Re: Inbreeding?

Technically we're all descended from one woman.

That aside, the royal breeding thing is quite astonishing - for example, Prince Michael of Kent is a cousin of both the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh. Not only that, he also bears a startling resemblance to Tzar Nicholas II, who was his cousin twice removed on both sides of his family.

In fact, it only seems to be errant princesses and indiscreet cavalry officers who manage to occasionally squirt a bit of variety into the gene pool.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Inbreeding?

Not to mention he/she would be a quarter GreeK, too.

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Re: They could do good work.

"Given that the halfwits who believe that the internet would magically have a video of the royal clunge disgorging another screaming mess of selective inbreeding are almost certainly the same idiots who think that by Liking a photo on Facebook then some huge socially important change will magically happen."

Beautifully sums up my opinions of the tabloids, social media and the people who use it.

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Re: Inbreeding?

"Technically we're all descended from one woman."

Er, no. That might be what creationists believe though, but I expect most Register readers are above that.

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Re: Inbreeding?

All humans share a common mtDNA marker which suggests that we, as a species, sprung from one loins of one woman in Africa however many thousand years back.

You could call her Eve if you wanted to, but it is not creationist nonsense.

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/evolution/female-ancestor.htm

Actual science - just happened to be the first link I arrived at

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Re: Inbreeding?

Er yes

If we weren't all descended from one women we would be separate species which - with the possible exception of US talk show hosts - we aren't

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Anonymous Coward

Oh, good, another unelected sponger.

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As opposed to all those elected ones.

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Anonymous Coward

Maybe that came across badly.

But why does the UK feel it needs to cling onto this medievil Disneyland?

Esp. when you have this shit.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk-news/2013/jul/09/prince-charles-letters-mps-private-court

>Judges reject Guardian attempt to force publication of 'black spider memos' that would reveal efforts to influence government

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Holmes

What Scam!!

If I get 1 million likes on this post then I will raise enough money to send crown prince Eric of Nigeria to America for cancer treatment, once he's cured, he can return to Lagos where he will reward you handsomely once you provide him with your bank account details.

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Silver badge

It must be hell being in line for the throne!

Its the only form of hereditary slavery left - you will have the job because if you leave the press will make your life hell anyway.

From a human point of view I imagine it would be like being born to program in VB in the age of the internet.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It must be hell being in line for the throne!

You could always renounce your royal heritage, I suppose.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: It must be hell being in line for the throne!

"Its the only form of hereditary slavery left - you will have the job because if you leave the press will make your life hell anyway."

Fair point. Maybe this new born should be locked away from the public for 18 years. After which, he decides to take the job of Prince/King and all that comes with it - or anonymously signs on the dole like the rest of the youth this country.

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Anonymous Coward

WIll he/she be.....

Circumcised?

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Silver badge

No offense...

...but seriously: I wonder just who gives a flying frog about this whole story outside of the UK..

...and inside?

PS: Sorry, couldn't help - waking up to BBC's pathetic "Royal duchess is in labor while the world awaits" BS headline clearly triggered my (mental) pharyngeal reflex this morning, I had to help myself...

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US

It was being covered on the news networks in the US fairly heavily, but summer is pretty slow for news and Snowden isn't doing much right now.

FWIW: I saw almost nothing of it on Facebook, other than one or two friends posting, "so, the baby is born, can we move on now?" I chalk that up as having fine taste in friends.

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ja

Royal Succession changes to be challenged in Quebec.

The separatist governing party in Quebec is challenging Canada's acceptance of the change to the Succession Act. They just want to get attention. I suggest a squadron of ground attack aircraft in Goose Bay, NL would be an appropriate response. Have the RAF got any ?

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