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back to article ULTRASONIC BOLLOCK BLASTERS help Hawkmoth battle The Bat

In a development whose scientific importance would be difficult to exaggerate, it has been discovered that hawk moths emit powerful ultrasonic pulse beams from their genitals in order to intefere with the sonar senses of predatory bats hunting them. As any fule kno, bats emit high-frequency sound pulses when hunting in darkness …

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Lateral thinking

I would think that small animals would be able to produce ultrasonic farts, because of small size, resonant cavities and structures, etc. Has this been investigated?

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Pint

Known this for years ...

It works! I use moth balls in my wardrobe, and I have *never* had any bats in there.

Thanks, Lewis, this cheered me up no end, just in time for the weekend!

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Alien

...whilst I have kept bats in my bollocks

And moths have been the least of my worries.

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Coat

@Gray Ham - Re: Known this for years ...

Or the bats have taken one look and thought "Jeez, if those are the moth's balls, how big is the bloody moth?!"

(Badoom-Tish!)

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Re: @Gray Ham - Known this for years ...

It works for lions too!

(Mine is the one with the moth balls in the pocket, you can't be too cautious)

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Coat

Wrong thread

And there's me looking at the title and imagining a new super-villain terrorizing Gotham City.

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"Not sure how the females do it"

Once knew a lady whose fanny farts could rattle windows. She was batty as well.

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Re: "Not sure how the females do it"

I would think that with females at least the source would be obvious even if the mechanism isn't known. Surely the sound emanates from the G spot roughly seven octaves above middle C.

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Re: "Not sure how the females do it"

According to my extensive research, the shrieking sound is emitted from an orifice about 0.5m up from the G-spot

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Anonymous Coward

new ultra sonic anti-eavesdropping pants

Come and get them! Available for all kinds of bollocks, new tinfoil-lined ultrasonic anti-eavesdropping pants. They work absolutely wonderfully against NSA, CIA, GCHQ and all other pesky eavesdropping acronyms. Wear them on your bollocks or on your head for best results! Be a guaranteed hit with the ladies!

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Nutsong

Record this wonderful natural sound and modulate it down to audible levels, then mix it with some generic chillout music and sell it to the same hippiesthat buy whalesong ?music?.

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Re: Nutsong

add pan pipes and your onto a winner, ambient mothball vol.1

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Re: Nutsong

If you can get anyone to buy a recording of a moth having a tommy tank I will be impressed! Get it on itunes and see how many sales you get.

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Anonymous Coward

Finally ...

... a clear and unambigous proof of intelligent design after all.

What else could the reason be?

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Uh, survival ?

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Happy

What a load of old bollocks!

You must be "bat shit" crazy to come up with an article such as this!

Joking aside the headline does remind me of the Sunday Sport - now there was a newspaper! Except I think for legal reasons it wasn't actually published as an actual 'news' paper!

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Re: for legal reasons it wasn't actually published as an actual 'news' paper!

I remember it always having a "registered with the post office as a news paper" message on it somewhere. (Not sure why it registered with the post office, but surely I couldn't have made that up.....)

There was a time ("double decker found on moon") when it was actually quite funny, before it just became the cheapest and least graphic of the grot mags....

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Pint

My interesting fact abut it is obviously completely made afterall! Fitting really!

I have only ever read it the once back in the 90s - found a copy in my dad's mag rack! I remember thinking "I have never seen so many adverts for sex lines outside of Soho phone boxes!"

I was also reminded of the Sport earlier this week watching the DVD of Bottom Live and seeing Eddie "reading" it!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: for legal reasons it wasn't actually published as an actual 'news' paper!

Because IIRC there was a lower postage rate for printed stuff that was registered as a newspaper with the good old PO - you just had to put "printed paper - reduced rate" on the address and ensure that there was enough sticking out of the wrapper (usually rolled up) to be checked. As it was cheaper than letter rate, slipping a few pages of correspondence between the pages was not unknown ...

But that was a long, long time ago.

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Coat

Natural ECM ?

Not so much "Wild Weasel", more "Wild Weevil" ?

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A plea to Mother Nature.

Moths: Hey, we're getting tired of being eaten by bats!

Mother Nature: What do you want me to do about it?

Moths: We want ultrasonic, sonar-jamming TESTICLES!!

Mother Nature: DONE!

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Happy

Re: A plea to Mother Nature.

I figure it must have been more of a poorly defined feature request type thing.

- We need something to stop bats from eating us.

: How do you want to do that?

- I don't know dammit, you're supposed to be the tech guy. Figure it out.

: Ok... We can get something out for the next generation, but it'll probably be bollocks.

- Whatever, just do it.

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Anonymous Coward

Oh, I'm uppper upper crust, high society

God's gift to ballroom notoriety,

And I always fill my ballroom - the event is never small

The social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all

(because if AC/DC cannot jam bat's sonar I don't know what can....)

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Disappointing

I expected "ultrasonic bollock blasters" to be something the moths used to zap the bats bollocks. I pictured the bats flying away with their legs (if any) crossed.

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Anonymous Coward

Chiropteran...

This particular term is used in a number of Japanese Manga / Anime series, notably Blood: The Last Vampire, for vampire-type creatures - no doubt because of the link between bats and vampires in many branches of vampire lore.

So, based on some of the previous comments, we have to ask whether this discovery going to lead to the creation of a new vampire myth - that playing with yourself will protect you from becoming a tasty snack for nocturnal visitors of the fanged persuasion? :p

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Anonymous Coward

Do moth balls hang low?

Do they swing them to and fro?

Can they tie 'em in a knot?

Can they tie 'em in a bow?

Can they throw 'em o'er their shoulder like a Continental soldier?

Can moths do the double shuffle when their balls hang low?

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