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back to article Rest your head against a train window, hear VOICES in your SKULL

Sky's ad agency has been showing off train windows capable of pushing ads direct into the skulls of tired commuters, as though advertising wasn't all-pervasive enough already. The Talking Window uses bone conduction to startle commuters who rest their weary head against the glass of the train window, admonishing them for failing …

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Anonymous Coward

There's more than one way to communicate a message through somebodies skull

Where's my axe.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: There's more than one way to communicate a message through somebodies skull

The voices made you do it...

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Public service with a brick.

So now when some vandal smashes a train window, they can validly claim provocation?

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Happy

Re: Public service with a brick.

More than that - they could claim a "public interest" or "for the public good" defence.

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Coat

Re: Public service with a brick.

Mine's the one with the 2lb lump hammer in the pocket

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Go

I'd love to see them try to pull this off

I can just imagine the uproar in the news if they announced they were installing these. Commentators would decry the end of the free world as your own head is no longer free from adverts, the more impulsive among us would vandalize them, hypochondriacs would complain about how they have constant migraines and can't sleep since these came along - leading to ambulance chasers egging some of them on to sue - and amongst all of this Sky's already iffy public rep would nosedive as tired commuters badmouth them in public and on Facebook for not letting them snooze.

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Trollface

Re: I'd love to see them try to pull this off

Or as an alternative, you could just not rest your head on the window!

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MJI
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Re: I quite like the train noises

The hum of wheels on rail, sometimes the thrum of the engines, it is relaxing.

Bring in sadverts and people will get annoyed

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Re: I quite like the train noises

I used to but the clanging of the door warning really cuts through me, probably the idea but I hate it!

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Unhappy

Re: I quite like the train noises

Plus, on longer journeys,

"This is your Under-Assistant Senior Train Conductor speaking. We will shortly be arriving in X. If you are leaving the train, please make sure that you take all your bags and personal belongings with you when you leave the train. We thank you for travelling with Y today and wish you a safe onward journey. ... The buffet in coach F is now open, selling a range of hot and cold beverages, sandwiches and snacks. ... First class is in coaches A and B at the front of the train. Coach E is a quiet coach [not that you'd notice]. Gargle, bargle, blah, blah, blah."

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MJI
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Re: I quite like the train noises

Shows my age, last national network trains I was on was an HST and some 158 DMUs, no door warnings,

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MJI
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Re: I quite like the train noises

WTF is a train conductor, I didn't know they now had orchestras!

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Re: I quite like the train noises

You forgot "station stop"

As opposed to random stop for 20mins,a quarter of a mile outside the station when we are already 20mins late ?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I quite like the train noises

Not all announcements are bad. A train I was on recently had the announcement :

"Please be careful of the large gap between the train and the platform while leaving, as you may injure yourself and will certainly look silly if you do."

Raised a few smiles around the carriage.

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Re: I quite like the train noises

On many routes around London they've just got to the end of those announcements before beginning the litany of instructions about the next (station) stop offering exciting connections to..., please remember to take all your items, thank-you for being a customer and sorry for any inconvenience cause by the late running of this service. Repeated moments later when the train arrives at the station, then a welcome to the train and they're off again..shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

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Re: I quite like the train noises

And the train conductor says

"Take a break driver 8, driver 8 take a break

We can reach our destination, but we're still a ways away"

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Re: I quite like the train noises

"Please watch your head while standing up. Should you fail to watch your head, please watch your mouth."

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Facepalm

Re: WTF is a train conductor

It's like a Bus Conductor, but on a train, see?

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MJI
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Re: WTF is a train conductor

Trains have guards though.

Still looking for an orchestra on a bus as well!

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Vic
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Re: WTF is a train conductor

> Trains have guards though.

Not any more. They're "Train Managers" now...

Vic.

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So can I send Rupert an invoice for my train ticket?

Advertising on TV means I can watch the TV for free.

Advertising on El'Reg again means I can read El'Reg for free

If they're going to engage in advertising like this then it is reasonable for them to pick up the bill, so I can travel for free.

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Re: So can I send Rupert an invoice for my train ticket?

"Advertising on TV means I can watch the TV for free."

You would think that wouldn't you, but on Sky you pay a subscription to watch the adverts.

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Stop

Re: So can I send Rupert an invoice for my train ticket?

"Advertising on TV means I can watch the TV for free."

Except that you pay for it in the price of everything you buy, and as a nation we pay a lot more for commercial tv than we do for the BBC.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: So can I send Rupert an invoice for my train ticket?

If you're watching adverts on Sky, you're doing it wrong.

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Coat

Re: So can I send Rupert an invoice for my train ticket?

No, you pay the subscription so you can pause the show for 10 minutes at the beginning, then fast-forward through the adverts.

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Mushroom

taxis

So you use some (a lot) of your hard earned to take a black cab in London - not a bargain but your choice

You sit down, relax back in the solitude, away from the rain, taking a break from the Northern Line

And there's a fscking LCD screen pushing adverts at you - your only option, other than getting out again, is to turn the sound down.

I'm surprised it took so long for trains.

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What is Sky Go?

I'm confused. Is it something to do with SkyDrive?

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Happy

Re: What is Sky Go?

SkyGo, SkyDrive, SkyTrain.

Next? SkyDive.... (we can hope...)

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WTF?

Hammer blow

Who in his/her right mind rests his/her head on a train window?

I did it once when I fell asleep. Until the oncoming train passed by and my head felt like being hit by a hammer. Never ever again.

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Joke

Re: Hammer blow

It helps if you close the window before resting your head on it.

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MJI
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Pint

Re: Hammer blow

That is what they call the forces applied to the track by steam locomotives

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hammer_blow

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Happy

Re: Hammer blow

@Dan 55, that explains a lot!

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Thumb Down

What an amazingly cunty idea

Sky pushes the envelope once more.

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Unhappy

Re: What an amazingly cunty idea

Probably thought up by a marketing conslutant.

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Re: What an amazingly cunty idea

I see what you did there.

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Happy

AC@11:38

I see what you did there.

You've got the con from confidence trickster combined with, according to some dictionaries, a "person of loose morals."

It won't make the next OECD, but after that......

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Re: AC@11:38

@John Smith 19 "It won't make the next OECD"

Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development? Do you perhaps mean the OED?

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Happy

Re: AC@11:38

"Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development? Do you perhaps mean the OED?"

Oops. Typed without checking.

Which I think is what created it in the first place.

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bone conduction

Is normally a pain when travelling. It means you hear the damn vehicle you're endeavouring to fall asleep on. You lean your head on the wrong part of the plane seat and suddenly the drone of engines is much louder despite all the cotton wool/ear plugs/noise cancelling... you might be trying to use to minimise the noise.

I wonder what sort of volume they'd need to pump their ads through at to get above the noise of the trains themselves. I'd have though this would then result in the whole window acting like a speaker.

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Re: bone conduction

I doubt if they'd see that as a problem, they'd be able to force the advertising onto everyone nearby, not just those leaning on the window.

More subtle than an axe, a small cordless drill to take out the transducer and the wires that connect it to the rest of the electronics, and a small tube of sealant to plug the hole once it's done.

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Thumb Up

Re: More subtle than an axe

I see this as a public service, and a new way to enjoy boring train journeys!

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Facepalm

I forsee

Many broken windows on trains.

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Joke

Re: I forsee a news blurb

Boneheaded Idea Leads to Forced Trains of Thought Leading to Bones of Contention

If you REALLY want to be annoyed, insert some good, rubbery earplug, sitting yourself upright, and then lean your neck forward, or if on a bed, lie randomly. After a while, you may hear the muscles in your neck or the bubbles in the skull/spine connection vibrating. Annoys the living hell out of me. Doesn't happen often, but does take a bit of readjusting.

If, however, advertisers tried forcing this onto the masses, maybe suitably-padded motorcycle helmets, lined with rubber, tin foil, water jackets, and some lead might lead to some heavy solutions. But, heavy metal music might work better than heavy metal helmets. Would prevent loads of damage to posture, too, hehehe....

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Happy

I had Sky Go once...

...until I rooted my mobile. At that point I apparently became some kind of anarchistic IP-stealing Godless commie, and Rupert's app refused to play unless I repented. Uninstalled instead, don't miss it.

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Re: I had Sky Go once...

Has anyone in the rooting community (is that the right word? It sounds dirty) looked into a modification that would allow rooted devices to fib and say they are running factory standard android?

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Re: I had Sky Go once...

If you use something like Super SU, you can tick a box to "temporarily unroot" your device.

I do it all the time when I want to watch Flixster or the like on my Nexus 7. It's a bit of a bugger, but it works.

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Happy

Re: I had Sky Go once...

"...until I rooted my mobile. At that point I apparently became some kind of anarchistic IP-stealing Godless commie, and Rupert's app refused to play unless I repented. Uninstalled instead, don't miss it."

IOW

You had Sky Go once.

It went.

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There is no experience that cannot be made worse by a marketing department.

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Unless it is by the HR department

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I think this really crosses the line. Inside my head is my own special place where I retreat to for privacy and rest.

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