back to article Sean Parker: 'My fairy-tale wedding harmed no trees'

Internet billionaire and venture capitalist Sean Parker is so sick and tired of taking guff over his lavish, fantasy-themed wedding that he has let loose with some harsh words for his critics – 9,128 words, to be exact. In a lengthy – some might say interminable – rant posted to the tech news site TechCrunch, Parker blasted the …

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Pop culture

Since the idyllic scenes the gentleman wanted to emulate are actually from a film (surely the inspiration didn't come from the book or they wouldn't have done what they did, the book is specifically against that), why not stage the wedding at a film studio? For the kind of budget he spent he could have had it made into an day-long film of Lorien, Lorien, Lorien, not just a few minutes like in the film. The sets would have been professionally built, you could have gotten the illusion (afterwards) of having actually climbed up those trees, and met elves and Hobbits and Aragorn, loads of special effects could have been added in. After all, he was only trying to create an illusion in the first place, with fake costumes, fake bridges and walls, fake behaviour, fake and contrived everything. So why not just go the whole whack, and make this a massive, professionally stage-managed illusion, the film of which would give him and his wife hours and hours of delight afterwards?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Pop culture

Hmm... Maybe a film set didn't seem quite as romantic as a redwood Forrest? I'm not condoning, but I suspect that would have been the thought process.

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Anonymous Coward

Explanations and rebuttals

He's still a prat.

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Re: Pop culture

"The sets would have been professionally built, you could have gotten the illusion (afterwards) of having actually climbed up those trees"

Clearly you've never been on a film set. More accurate would be to say that the set would have been bodged together from plywood, would probably last until 5 minutes after you've finished using it and you'd have felt like you were in a tree house built by a couple of teenagers. Because you were.

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Flame

Turd

This guy is a complete toolbox. Jesus.

Of course there is little ground vegetation in a mature or fairly mature non-tropical forest. The ground cover is gradually displaced by the trees as they both block out the sun and use up the majority of the soil nutrients. Dense undergrowth is a feature of second and third growth forests early in the maturation process. There isn't supposed to be any ground vegetation you asshole, you don't truck in plants to a mature forest. What a dick.

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FAIL

Re: Turd

You do if you're only putting it there temporarily for cosmetic reasons, doing no damage by doing so, not planting it but placing it in self-contained pots and then taking it away after you're done. Which is what he did. Toolbox? Perhaps, I wouldn't know, but this certainly doesn't make him one.

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Trollface

Re: Turd

Pretty certain the three downvotes are from prime examples of homo toolboxus, though...

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Trollface

douche nozzle

>being hated on because he's rich

Getting rich stealing other people's ideas and intellectual property basically makes him no better than Kim Dotcom and if possible he is even more unlikable.

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Paris Hilton

Re: douche nozzle

>being hated on because he's rich

Guess there's a surfeit of 'ons' .

Paris, because she tends to find ons a bit hard.

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Bronze badge

I've got sympathy for him

May not be to my own taste - but if you've got the cash and that's what you (or the missus) want...

He may have made some mistakes, but who hasn't and it sounds like he'd put some effort in.

Oh ffs, I just look around at all the problems in the world, and can't see how this even registers..

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California Coastal Commission

This is the problem. This bunch of jerks (that is a polite term) like to throw their weight around. In some cases in conflict with other acts of the federal government. I know of one case where someone on the coast wanted to get a permit to accommodate the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) and build some REQUIRED wheelchair ramps. Oh, no, that would have a negative impact on the coastal environment and would not be allowed. So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I don't remember what the solution to the problem was, but it wasn't pretty.

So, it is a typical government agency full of people who think they are doing the "right thing" even when they aren't.

As for the wedding proper. He should have done what Bill Gates did. Rent an island for a day (and the helicopters that go with it) and be done with it. Are there any wagers on how long until a divorce happens? Of course this begs the question: Was there a pre-nup?

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WTF?

Re: California Coastal Commission

From http://www.coastal.ca.gov/whoweare.html

"On land the coastal zone varies in width from several hundred feet in highly urbanized areas up to five miles in certain rural areas, ... "

5 miles inland? That's a bit more than most people would accept as being "the coast" and I bet the land (away from the coast) is covered by other local and federal agencies for its protection already, so why do they stuff in another?

Although it explains how a Redwood Forest (you know, not the sort of trees that like growing in lots of water) falls under the Coastal Commission

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Re: California Coastal Commission

5 miles inland? That's a bit more than most people would accept as being "the coast"

*****

You're right, it's not like a gigantic body of salt water, which has huge influence on weather conditions and the chemical makeup of the rain and mist in the area there could ever have an influence on the local ecology 5 miles away. </sarcasm>

In fact one of the defining aspects of Redwood forests is the mists and fogs which roll in from the sea overnight, it's an important source of water for the forest.

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Facepalm

Re: California Coastal Commission

Indeed. My uncle nearly got done over by the Welsh Heritage crowd insisting on a whole plethora of mad and awful design features whilst doing up his (Grade 2 Listed) house to ensure it was "in keeping" with the surrounding area.

Fortunately my grandfather happened to be County Surveyor and told them to get bent whilst pointing out that those "traditional features" were appropriate to a cottage some 150 years older then my uncle's house, not a farmhouse of the vintage that his is.

One argument he did lose was that he had to find fecking Lead paint for the windows. Because you can definitely tell the difference from the modern paint that he surreptitiously did half the windows in (Welsh heritage never spotted the difference)...

Similarly my grandmother on the other side converted a barn into a house. Again grade 2 listed, but when it was listed in the 70s (for it's unique style of rafters) it had a tin roof on because they hadn't the money at the time to rethatch it like it was supposed to be.

When they converted it to houses they had to KEEP the tin and were not allowed to thatch because "that's how it was when it was listed"!

So I remain deeply sceptical of most statements by such heritage and nature commissions. Half the time they're a bunch of loved up hippies looking for the exact same romanticised version of reality that Parker was after. But unlike Parker they don't realise it's fantasy.

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Anonymous Coward

@Sean Parker

"Internet billionaire and venture capitalist Sean Parker is so sick and tired of taking guff over his lavish, fantasy-themed wedding that he has let loose with some harsh words for his critics – 9,128 words, to be exact."

Hey Sean, where I come from we have an expression that comes in handy right about now, and here it is: Blow it out your ass.

"'My wife and I are huge turds,' he writes'"

Yuppers.

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Anonymous Coward

So shouty

So fail.

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Facepalm

AC

"Hey Sean, where I come from we have an expression that comes in handy right about now, and here it is: Blow it out your ass."

Bestiality's OK where you come from?

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His own fault

"Parker's diatribe rails against the modern media and its shoddy journalism, saying, "It's easier to generate traffic with snarky stories than hard news"

Shouldn't support f***book

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I have the deepest sympathy for him

It's not his fault that he's a prannet.

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Megaphone

TLDR, and you're still a giant douche.

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Thumb Down

Wow

Basis for a good marriage that, fakery and illusion. But as he doesn't really live in the real world anyway, is it a shock?

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Anonymous Coward

'Once upon a time…

there were two huge nerds...

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impact assessment

If nobody could tell you whether the creek had fish in it or not, then I call bullshit on the fact you did a proper impact assessment.

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Headmaster

Dear Mr Parker.

You reap what you sow.

Yours shoddy journalists and gossipers everywhere.

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Paris Hilton

"Romance"

Eco stuff aside, I find the "romance" of transforming what's supposed to be the woman of your dreams into a physical likeness of another woman, on your wedding day, disturbing.

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Questions of taste aside...

...which bluntly are rather irrelevant, and if what they want are pointy ears and dwarves that's up to them, I read the article and he does have a point. There may be many reasons to consider him a tool, but this isn't one of them, and it's readily apparent that there is a *lot* of lazy reporting around this story.

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Bronze badge

Re: Questions of taste aside...

It's not often you think of Parker as being a bit hard done by but this isn't really his fault. He's rented a site and the land lord has told him to get on with it without mentioning or sorting permits. It's the equivalent of renting a hotel for the reception and evening shindig and the party getting broken up because the hotelier conveniently "forgot" to mention that that particular street has a noise abatement order banning loud music after 9pm.

And I have to say, Lorien stuff aside, if you don't believe in mythical sky faeries and opt out of a church service, then getting a ceremony done in a redwood forest sounds a lot more appealing than a civil registry office or even a hotel function suite.

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Silver badge

Re: Questions of taste aside...

But according to Parker they got a scientist to come in and they did some fashion of 'impact assessment' that, incidentally, apparently assessed nothing. Doing those thing shows that he knew he was dicking around with things. It is not as you say 'someone didn't tell him' it's he knew he shouldn't be doing those things and tried to buy his way clear of any issues. Sean Parker sucks.

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Anonymous Coward

Berk

Wot a whinging little fag...

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