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back to article El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

Vulture Central's pursuit of the ultimate cuppa is set to enter the final straight as we prepare to decide once and for all what constitutes the pinnacle of cha perfection. Mug with our Vulture logo Followers of our resolutely no-IT-angle-whatsoever path to tea heaven will be aware that we've already established a brewing …

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Anonymous Coward

Brewing altitude

From memory, Peña Negr is pretty high up - can we assume that the brewing and testing will be taking place at a more appropriate altitude than 2000m? ISTR the boiling point of water being only around 93 degrees centigrade at 2000m which, I'm sure you'll all agree, is completely insufficient for this analysis. :)

Tea's up!

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Yorkshire Gold!

For standard tea - that is the way to go. From a pot. When not drinking Earl Grey, this should be the de facto standard.

The main variable here, though, is the hardness of water. Softer water makes, to my mind, a nicer brew by far. So at least use a Brita style filter to help things along.

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Re: Yorkshire Gold!

Totally agree on all counts. All water should be filtered. And as for the choice of defacto tea +1 to you sir

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Re: Yorkshire Gold! - Hard or Soft blend of bags?

Yorkshire Tea do a special blend of their tea for hard water areas. The green boxed stuff. So, if in a hard water area, you could test both the green in unfiltered water, and the gold in filtered.

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Unhappy

Re: Yorkshire Gold!

Coming from the wetter side of the Pennines it pains me to agree with you but, yes, Yorkshire tea is the best.

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Pint

Re: Yorkshire Gold!

We can sell you some proper Yorkshire Water if you like. See icon.

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Re: Yorkshire Gold!

I was with you right until you revealed that your drink of choice is actually pot porri!

PG Tips, Tetley and the usual all need to go on the list, though I'd also recommend adding Twinings 1706 [I think] strong breakfast to the test. Tesco red label and Co-Op brands are inferior, but also worth a mention in dispatches as worthy unbranded alternatives.

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Re: Yorkshire Gold! - Hard or Soft blend of bags?

But do they do a version for soft-southerner water?

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PG Tips

Seconded.

Furthermore I suggest thet anyone who puts forward any of those fruit / spice flavoured or night-time / relax abominations, earl grey or anything to do with liptons should be banned from commenting for a very long time.

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eww, we have PG tips at work, horrible tea. Even sainburys own is nicer. I'd second Yorkshire, also put forward Tetley, and any good English Breakfast.

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Re: PG Tips

Furthermore I suggest thet anyone who puts forward any of those fruit / spice flavoured or night-time / relax abominations, earl grey or anything to do with liptons should be banned from commenting for a very long time.

Never had a good cup of Turkish tea (basically, bits of bush swirled around in a cup) or Chai, then.

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Pyramids

The pyramid bag is far more advanced than the penny-pinching circular ones.

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Twinings "Prince of Wales"

If I have to use tea bags I go for this one, because the Keemun black tea it contains does not turn bitter when you forget to remove it from the mug.

I tend not to use milk, ever since my student days, when the question "how many lumps" could accurately be used for the amount of milk, from time to time.

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Re: Twinings "Prince of Wales"

Pete Puma How Many Lumps do you Want?

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Just wondering

Can I make my own teabags by putting Yunnan Imperial loose leaf tea into small muslin pouches?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Just wondering

RTFA and wonder no more ye un-enlightened one -> "widely available off-the-shelf teabags" so that would be a resounding NO. Which serves you right for trying to be an arty-farty smart alec.

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Happy

Re: Just wondering

Tea eggs! Little mesh ball things, great for loose tea.

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Re: Just wondering

I prefer the spring-loaded double strainer gadgets. Just enough for a cup, and the same utensil can be used to scoop it out of the tin.

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Windows

Yorkshire

tea....

Good, strong, rich in tannin....

Not like the watery dishwater some of the competitors tea tastes like... Even a quick dunking will result in a moderately decent brew. Best tea bags for the "we dont make tea" brigade who deliberately fuck up the seemingly simple act of brewing a cuppa to ensure they are never asked to mash again.

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Re: Yorkshire

Seconded. And thirded.

Simple choice, you see

Is between Yorkshire tea or

Dehydrated wee

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Re: Yorkshire

Yeah, I know what you mean. Pouring hot water over dead leaves should be impossible to get wrong; yet there are people out there who can manage this feat.

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Pint

Twinings Everyday for an office situation

For an office (not home where you can take time etc.), Twinings Everyday won it's place in our office (being honest, it's up to me as the only boss who cares about Tea). We broke the emergency seal on the PG the other week and productivity suffered...

I'd have thought the good folks at Yorkshire Tea would have sent the Hard Water version to the Reg - a scientifically designed variant indeed.

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Re: Twinings Everyday for an office situation

Seconded. (And surely none of the horrible Everyday Blended stuff)

Although, with milk I prefer the stronger Twinings Assam.

Whichever, it really has to be the one sold in the UK. I don't know what the difference is besides the size of the teabags but the shitty little teabags Twinings sells on the continent do in no way compare to the ones I bring over from the UK.

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Re: Twinings Everyday for an office situation

Twinings Assam. Excellent choice.

Or, with a bacon sandwich, Lapsang Souchong. But that doesn't belong here.

Yup. Assam.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Twinings Everyday for an office situation

I find Morrisons's own brand Assam is just as good as the Twinings.

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Re: Twinings Everyday for an office situation

Haven't been to morrisons for ages, but they used to sell an own brand assam in gold boxes that was excellent.

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Yes, Altitude

But also, water... I discovered the altitude problem as a young man when I found that my tea tasted stronger when I was on the coast compared to my relatively lofty office.

But there is also the composition of the water to consider, soft or hard water? Opinions?

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Happy

Re: Yes, Altitude

Soft and clean water.

I'm in Bern right now and the tap water is better than any bottled water. Some of the best teas I've had have been here,

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Happy

Bettys Assam

http://www.bettys.co.uk/product/Pure-Assam-Leaf-Tea,19131,107.aspx

Only available in Yorkshire, which, when sitting on the moors near Goatland, is the best place to take a cuppa.....

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Windows

Re: Bettys Assam

"Only available in Yorkshire, which, when sitting on the moors near Goatland, is the best place to take a cuppa....."

As is Hendersons relish.. That's a shame, nay, crime not to share that stuff with the rest of the world. Their meat and potato pies know not what they miss.....

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Re: Bettys Assam

Have an upvote for mentioning Hendersons Relish!

I have to buy it in bulk every time I return home.

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Windows

Re: Bettys Assam

Ditto. I may only be 50 miles away from my home town where the dark nectar is in abundance. Ergo, I buy several bottles at a time...

Upvote repaid for knowing what it is and loving it...

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Devil

Those that don't Mash

@Cornz 1 - great point - no matter the scientific merit of the above, those who give it just a 30 second dunk will destroy the whole damn thing.

Forgot an honourable mention for Waitrose Gold - best of the own label we thought at our gaff when we tried a few.

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Mushroom

EBT FTW

I'm often called a tea snob by my mum, who thinks the ultimate cup of tea is the filth in a bag known as Sainsbury's Red Label. This devil's juice is about a quid for a landfill's worth of tea bags and the taste is probably something similar to the tea I've been reading about in Metro 2033: tea created by the mushrooms grown on the Moscow subway system 30 years after a nuclear war.

For me the ultimate has to be Twining's English Breakfast Tea. Don't let the name put you off: this is truly an all day affair. Rich, golden in colour and thoroughly satisfying, it's the tea that tea would drink itself. Assuming of course that tea is sentient and not a cannibal.

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Happy

Re: EBT FTW

SAinsburys... "almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea".

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Trollface

Re: EBT FTW

T'was as if Douglas Adams had foreseen the future of the dip and drain tea dispensing system.

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Re: EBT FTW

I'm not fussy about my tea, I'll drink most any brand, and take it anywhere from black with three sugars to white with none, but I Will Not Drink Sainsburies Red box tea, it tastes bloody vile.

Even decaff tea tastes better.

Also, relevant video is relevant (and entirely safe for work)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eELH0ivexKA

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Black Helicopters

Re: EBT FTW

For pure filth in a cup, try Red Rose.

Fortunately able to source Tetley\PG\Yorkshire in Canada without issues.

Helicopter because Montana is just down the road.....

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Don't forget the water

I used to like Yorkshire Gold but found a few years ago that it (and others to be fair) seemed to have reduced in strength. So I've been moving around trying to find what satisfies me.

I settled on "Murroughs Welsh Brew" - consistent and a decent strength.

But there is a serious point, already mentioned : the union of blend and water type is crucial. As Murroughs puts it :

The special blend of African and Indian teas have been specifically chosen to perfectly compliment the waters of Wales (needed a bit of proof-reading there, I think)

So any test that doesn't marry the blend and the water of its devotees will surely mislead?

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Anonymous Coward

from Piccadilly

On mission to London last week, I brought half a suitcase of tea back here to southern Europe; natch lotsof Yorkshire Gold but I did also pickup a packet of Fortnum & Mason Green Earl Grey tea bags (steamed not fermented they claim) This could work well at altitude as the "1867 Oilmen to their Royal Highnesses Prince and Princess Christian of Schleswig-Holstein" suggest to "Brew with water heated to 80°C for a couple of minutes"

The correct colour at drinking point is given in this image http://www.fortnumandmason.com/images/product/large/2002721_3.jpg

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Joke

Tesco Everyday Value 80 Teabags 250G

Yes, yes, y'all. 27p and cheap at half the price. "Blended and tasted by experts", donchyaknow, and coming with the following instructions:

How to make the perfect cup of tea: 1. To enjoy this tea at its best, always warm the teapot first with boiling water. 2. Use one tea bag per person and one for the teapot. 3. Pour on boiling water and leave the tea to stand for 4-5 minutes to allow the full flavour to brew. 4. Serve with or without milk.

Hard to argue with any of that, except maybe, just possibly, the presumption that using said raw materials will result in the perfect cup of tea.

Bless 'em.

(Source: http://www.tesco.com/groceries/Product/Details/?id=258290317)

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Happy

@ Harvey Trowell - Re: Tesco Everyday Value 80 Teabags 250G

>...

Blended and tasted by experts

...<

They where German, these experts*, I guess.

*Washing machine repair experts.

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Re: Tesco Everyday Value 80 Teabags 250G

I think they're awful but SWMBO who drinks a lot more tea than I do loves 'em. She has been known to kick off when I buy decent tea instead.

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Happy

Yorkshire Hard Water Blend

If you've got hard water, then Yorkshire's Hard Water blend gives an excellent mug of tea.

"no-IT-angle-whatsoever". Really? Not much programming gets done around here without a decent (see above) mug of tea...

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Stop

Milk?

Perverts! The whole damn lot of you.

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Re: Milk?

Milk ruins a good cuppa, the flavour is lost under the sweet milk.

Tea without milk is a completely different drink, much more delicate and softer.

For those who have not tried it: you need a good tea (not a supermarket own label), don't brew it long.

The only downside is the residue left on the side of the mug, a small price to pay.

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Re: Milk?

Actually, perverse as it sounds, in hard water areas a tiny dab of *skimmed* (shock horror!) milk works well

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Boffin

Tetley put the T in Britain

Can't survive without a Tetley Tea bag in the morning. But the water source is very important. Hard water just doesn't do it.

Twinnings has the chemical symbol P1Sh.

So Tetley gets my vote.

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