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back to article Pyongyang Photoshop tomfoolery shows wet Norks, skirts blown up

North Korea's official press agency has been caught with its hands in the Photoshop copy-and-paste jar, in a hopelessly bodged attempt to big up the amphibious-landing capability of the country's hovercraft. A couple of days ago, the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) released a snap showing operations by the KPA (Korean People's …

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Pyongyang Photoshop patent prank portrays wet People's Army.

n/a.

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Inferior armed forces

The only reason I can think of as to why they would do this would be to give a false impression of their military strength.

Sure, they have the bomb and they may be crazy enough to use it. But photoshoping crap like this just reminds me of Iraq going into Gulf War I. And we now know what the situation actually was.

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Utterly, totally, absolutely

BONKERS.

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Stop

Re: Inferior armed forces

"The only reason I can think of as to why they would do this would be to give a false impression of their military strength."

Errr... no.

They do it to give *their own people* a false impression of their might.

The frightening thing isn't their aggressive stance, nor their massive, massive military and spending. The frightening thing is that if it does come down to it, we'll essentially be slaughtering millions of poor bastards who totally don't deserve it and just happen to have been born as males in a bat-shit nation.

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Anonymous Coward

Massive military might and spending?

oh lol, now you're falling for it too!

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Re: Massive military might and spending?

I do believe the words used were "Massive military", not "Massive military might".

Three million round-heads with horses and longbows would be a massive military. Wouldn't exactly last long against one person and a suitably stocked GAU-8 though.

*BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

Oh I'm sorry, was that your entire army? I didn't notice.

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Coat

Re: Inferior armed forces

Don't forget that the DPRK always escalates...

They had:-

Kim Jong Il

followed by:-

Kim Jong very Il

ending with:

Kim Jong Dead...

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Re: Utterly, totally, absolutely

UK:

Cost of 2 new BAe aircraft carriers = £££££

Enough US super stealth ninja aircraft for half of them = £££££££

Military value of aircraft based ninja stealth air superiority dog fighters in war on terror = 27p

NK:

Cost of pirate download of photoshop = 0

Cost of blank DVD to burn it to = 27p

Military value of image in war on great whoever = 0

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Re: Pyongyang Photoshop patent prank portrays wet People's Army.

The video is possibly some of the worst, mind-numbing propaganda efforts ever. I can imagine Goebbels shaking his head in disapproval.

But the photo..... Well I'm convinced.... RUN! THE NORKS ARE COMING!

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Re: Pyongyang Photoshop patent prank portrays wet People's Army.

After crossing the pacific in a hovercraft I await their arrival with amusement. I would give better odds on Flintoff making it in a pedalo, especially if Tuffers is doing the map reading.

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FAIL

Re: Massive military might and spending?

"Massive military might and spending? oh lol, now you're falling for it too!"

Don't be absurd. Look at the GDP that they spend on defence, and ponder just for a second the entire 'military first' self-stated priority of the government.

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If you zoom in close enough you can see they're powered by two chinese knockoff dysons and a deskfan.

I do feel somewhat sorry for the poor sods in NK.

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North Korea is best Korea!

Nice to see North Korea are making great use of those CS2 licences Adobe 'didn't release'.

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MJI
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Wrong music

Should have used I'm so ronery

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Good effort

I think they've done a better job than the Iranian efforts, at least they've made a reasonable attempt at resizing the craft and modifying the wake so it's not as bleedin obvious.

Is there some kind of awards for govt propaganda photoshop fails? If not then there should be.

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Joke

Re: Good effort

Yeah - i've seen worse 'shops from Beauty magazines. That's quite a good effort considering the lack of US technology* they have at their disposal.

*except that which may have been smuggled in from friendly nations.

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Re: Good effort

The UK's best effort is the frankly pitiful faking of James Purnell's presence at a hospital opening:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/manchester/7018729.stm

Maybe that would read better as 'the faking of the frankly pitiful James Purnell'?

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Space programme

Did the nice chaps from NK sign up Top Gear to run their space programme after they saw the amazing ability of firing a Robin Reliant into err, almost space showed them that a tall, balding old bloke with no useful technical abilities, a procrastinating old guy with a desire to be a mans man and a short bloke with whitened teeth and dyed hair (allegedly) could launch a rocket further than NK can manage?

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Devil

Re: Space programme

On that note. How's our, and by that I mean the UK's, space programme coming along?

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Re: Space programme

On a par with the yanks :-) Both using the friendly Russian taxi service.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Space programme

"On that note. How's our, and by that I mean the UK's, space programme coming along?"

If you mean rockets, it ended in the early 70's after successfully putting a satellite into orbit. At which point it was realised that reinventing the wheel was an expensive and somewhat pointless process since defence needs could be met by cheaply renting from the Americans and any hope for return on rocket R&D investment via commercial ventures was ablated by the need to rent launch sites from other nations on the other side of the planet.

If you mean the hi-tech profitable stuff such as advanced satellites and reusable space planes, then the answer is 'splendidly'.

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Groupthink

Looks like North Korea is starting to believe it's own hype. Oh well, let them start a battle. They'll lose, the leaders will be deposed, and the people will rise up. A few people will get killed in the process.

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Mushroom

Re: Groupthink

About 50 000 to 100 000 to be exact'ish in the first 10 minutes as the norks guns make short work of Seoul and the surrounding area.

If the norks are stupid enough to use chemical/bio/nukes then the number of dead will reach into the millions and make WW2 look like a childrens tea party.

Bet then I bet the norks are being egged on by Apple... "go on.. take out the Samsung HQ... you know you want to"

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Re: a few people will get killed

A lot of people in fact. My father was involved last time in the 50s. A number of his shipmates didn't come back. A lot of NK soldiers, soldiers disguised as peasants and peasants he bombed and shot up didn't come back either (there being no difference between an oxcart carrying ammunition and an oxcart carrying rice from a few hundred feet up in the air).

However even though they lost none of the NK leaders were deposed and the people didn't rise up. I find it hard to look on it quite as flippantly as you do.

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Re: a few people will get killed

In the Korean war we (the good guys) only killed about 25% of the population of N Korea - I'm sure we can do better this time.

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Re: a few people will get killed - They lost?

That's an interesting interpretation of history that I haven't read before. The more commonly accepted version is that no-one lost, and certainly no-one "won".

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@Boris the Cockroach

" I bet the norks are being egged on by Apple... 'go on.. take out the Samsung HQ... you know you want to'"

It's not funny. But I did laugh.

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Unhappy

Is it me?

I'm not seeing it? Where's the fakery? I'm not being facitious - I'm genuinely not seeing it. Could someone please spell it out for me. Sorry for being so slwo :-(

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Happy

Re: Is it me?

You need to have a look at the pixels.

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Re: Is it me?

Amazingly the pixels are all the same size.

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Re: Is it me?

Rightyho, - do you see all those hovercraft?

You do, excellent, now can you see the identical hovercraft?

You can, excellent, now can see you they are totally identical?

You can't?

Maybe you need to look at this "how to" - http://www.instructables.com/id/Clone-Yourself-Using-Adobe-Photoshop/

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Happy

Re: Is it me?

Might be because I've seen a few shops in my time.

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Facepalm

Re: Is it me?

The way the flag above the cockpit is identical on the two craft just approaching the beach was the give-away for me.

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Re: Is it me?

There a number of things to note. For instance, not all the hover craft have any wake. There are also some retouch halos that indicate someone was manipulating the appearance of the of the spray thrown up by the HCs. The there's the giant Wookie standing near the farther HC on the beach.

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i can't see the obvious fakery either

but even if it is real, so they've got 8 hovercrafts (allegedly) - who cares? it's hardly worrying...

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Happy

Re: i can't see the obvious fakery either

second wave (clone of clones brush) has 16 hovercraft. And so on.

That's a lot of eels!

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Re: i can't see the obvious fakery either

"but even if it is real, so they've got 8 hovercrafts (allegedly) - who cares? it's hardly worrying..."

http://www.perisoft.org/nkhc.jpg

How about now? More worried yet? Glorious enough yet?

(This one's free, Un...)

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Re: That's a lot of eels!

Stealthiest Monty Python link of the decade, methinks.

My nipples explode with delight!

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Are you sure it's Photoshop?

If they're adhering to the principles of the Great Leader's Juche Idea, surely the free peoples of the Democratic North must be using a home grown image editor?

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(Written by Reg staff) Bronze badge

Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

It's true. We'll be running a review of "Most Glorious Kim Jong Il 사진Shop" in due course.

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Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

If this doesn't happen I will be bitterly disappointed.

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Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

10 quid says they just forked the gimp ;-)

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Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

It's that Dove software again, telling it like it really is.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2013/03/08/dove_photoshop_action/

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Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

"10 quid says they just forked the gimp"

Yup, although now it stands for Glorious Image Manipulation Program. Say what you like about communist dictatorships but they do have a wonderful flare for the dramatic.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

"10 quid says they just forked the gimp ;-) "

Woah, at most clubs you have to pay *way* more than 10 quid to fork the gimp!

Umm, at least that's what a friend told me!

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Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

@Fibbles

So basically the Norks are the Marks and Spencer of dictatorships ? :) NK isn't just a totalitarian dictatorship, its a glorious organic totalitarian dictatorship.

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Pint

@ Anon Coward -- 28th March 2013 18:11Re: Are you sure it's Photoshop?

Post of the week!

<-- Here...Have one on me

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Shock horror - military equipment looks the same!! Does that mean the Red Arrows are faked using Photoshop, they look the same from that distance, and they all move as one often so the tricksters have a brush with nine planes on it and just wave that around.

I haven't pixel-peeked but the water around each of them does appear to be different, a couple of them have different superstructures and that assault isn't that large. Had there been 300 craft all with identical water spray coming off them that may have been a clue.

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It's true

Last time I saw them at the Farnborough Air Show, the resolution on the fourth plane was off and had a couple of dead pixels next to it.

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Headmaster

What about flags?

Not as likely to be identical, what with the wind and ocean spray and all. Could be one of those Neil Armstrong flags I guess.

To be honest though, if you zoom in on the one craft, I think photoshop cloning is the preferable answer to the alternative: that the front of the hovercraft really *is* dissolving into the ocean.

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