Lies, damned lies and statistics

Says it all, really.

Oh BTW. Why didn't the episode end with Kzzzerrrt?

Colin

Ha ha ha - When I worked on a helpdesk, almost a thousand years ago we used an aspect phone system. Simply by dialling a number and hanging up I was placed at the back of the queue for available agents.

This helped maintain my call statistics for over a year. What I found more surprising is that the fellow drones had not worked this out. But then again, they were typical helpdeskers without a hint of BOFH about them.

new keyboard pls

Changing a row to 'calls abandoned when the user realised they were being a slack lazy bastard who should have done what they were told two weeks ago' doesn't help

Genius and so godamn true

Huzzah...

Dabbsie AND BOFH on the same day!!! A great start to the Paddy's weekend.

Surely

A *slam* moment? :)

it's about time

i missed the "Kzzzerrrt"; was expecting the "Kzzzerrrt"; the boss needs the "Kzzzerrrt". let's get on with it.

Hmmmm

I wonder where the BOFH redirected the calls to? Perhaps a premium rate line taken from a card in a phone box.

Or perhaps a premium rate line that the BOFH owns!!!

Idea

"Projects for which the proposer had a serious workplace accident prior to implementation"

I'm considering proposing that for one of our new KPIs in the office... Would be happy to contribute to it too!

as always a pleasure anticipated

Bring back Kzzzerrrt - are you onomatopoeia -ist ??

Prod less episodes need killer robots. (can they make a come back?)

agree it needed a destination for forwarding I was expecting a booking line for colonic irrigation that demanded details & credit card or the aforementioned executive stress relief with a backhander to BOFH.

but minor criticism's apart it was the usual amusing observations.

When are we going to have the king / pirate treasure under the server room, offshoring the accounting team etc.

Kzzzzerrrt

Oh, such as the boss's phone line becoming short circuited with the 68 KV electric transmission line that runs down the road outside the building? Can't imagine how that might have happened. Perhaps it was one of the neighbourhood kids that was flying a kite with a wire instead of a string, a wire that just happened to be anchored to the boss's phone..

Dave

perfect pacing

As I was reading this (chuckling along the way) I glanced down to see how much more there was to read, finding only a few more inches to go with no "next page" link. I was worried that the ending was going to be unsatisfactory given the scant few lines remaining. However, I was not disappointed! Top episode--Chin-chin!

It's always a better Friday with BOFH!

Another happy reader!

we had five levels of "logged calls" back in the 90's

had call loggers take the call and type it in and give it a level of "hurt".

Very good on first level SLA's

Saved so much time for the "techs"; think 30% of calls cound be fixed faster than the time it took for the call being logged and even better if the call loggers were slow and we could get them to call back to clear.

The rest were harder

When I left that company we had a manager just to deal with SLA complainers

Two most used replies covered about a 1/3 of complainers

" We started fixing problem within 20 mins of calling logged" aka total fuck ups take longer to fix

" Your end had connection problems for us to dial in" aka you removed/diconnected/unpluged the phone line

He, he, he...

I would be suprised if the BOFH didn't hac...er...update the phone system with a maze of user data inputs (employee number, password, hat size, etc), make the responses 160 levels deep with random recursive dumps back to level one, and any user error would dump the user back to level one, where they would have to start the process all over again. Be sure to put in 6 level deep confirmation scripts (User presses #1. "You said yes, is this correct? You said yes is correct. Is this correct?" etc.), and vary the "YES" response so it isn't always the number 1 - sometimes it would be 2 or 3, with 1 being NO and 2 being I DON'T KNOW (dumps user back to level one).

Ninty-nine percent of users would give up, and never actually reach the hell desk at all.

I worked at a place like that....

They started 'measuring' the break-fix group. We met all our SLA's every time. SO they changed the metric. We still met our SLA. They changed it again. We started missing a few, then corrected. They changed it again. We started failing again. Then they *really* changed the metrics.

We looked like complete shite after that and they had the nerve to tell us so. Which was reflected in our yearly eval. I told them that you can't apply a performance metric to the number 'unplanned maintenance', only on the work performed. They didn't like that (as evidenced by the 0% bump in pay I got that year).

...Mine the one with the 12% pay increase in the pocket to go to another company.