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back to article Chaos Theory causes password entry pandemonium

There are things in this tiny microcosm of the universe that I will never comprehend. For example, why do so many humans require the assistance of spectacles? How does the phase of the moon affect emotional behaviour? And what is it about the otherwise harmless, uncontroversial and inoffensive Justin Bieber that makes me want to …

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Correct Horse Battery Staple

Obey the rules set out by xkcd for passwords (to wit: use as long a phrase as possible, but don't use random characters) and you'll also get round this problem. IF the website \ program will allow it of course...

http://correcthorsebatterystaple.net/ can help with this

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Re: Correct Horse Battery Staple

IF the website \ program will allow it of course...

...and this is the problem, the overwhelming majority of websites and applications I use, that require a password, are still insistent on it containing capital letters, numbers and non-alphabetical characters, or limit it to 12 characters, or don't allow spaces.

I want my password to be cheese pizza with anchovies but I usually end up with B4c0n4nd3gg!

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Re: Correct Horse Battery Staple

It's for your own good. Bacon is so much better than anchovies.

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Pirate

Re: Correct Horse Battery Staple

"Bacon is so much better than anchovies."

But it's *STILL* going to make you die early according to current news reports...!

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Re: Correct Horse Battery Staple

I do wonder if CorrectHorseBatteryStaple has made it into the top 10 most frequently used passwords yet.

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Re: Correct Horse Battery Staple

Earlier than what? We're all going to die of something.

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Anonymous Coward

Somebody actually got paid to write this article?

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Coffee/keyboard

Paid well I hope. It was one of the most hilarious articles I've read all week.

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Somebody actually took the trouble to post this comment?

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Coat

Somebody actually took the trouble to upvote this commment...

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Not yet but I have realistic expectations.

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Pint

Ahhh Alistair

You are fast becoming the solution to BOFHless fridays. Have a pint on me.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Ahhh Alistair

I'd prefer both Alistair and HIM.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Ahhh Alistair

Alistair vs the PFY... Round 1, fight!

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Trollface

Poor Bieber

Haters be haters.

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Childcatcher

I completely understand Alistair's sentiments

As a parent and avid Sun reader it's only natural he hates a filthy paediatrician:

http://www.theonion.com/video/justin-bieber-found-to-be-cleverly-disguised-51yea,18178/

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Enjoying these more every week

Between this problem and the USB one from the other week, you've summed up 90% of what conspires to ruin my day.

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Pint

Tousers of time

"Here’s another inexplicable conundrum: why do grown men these days feel the need to unbuckle their belts and lower their trousers while standing at a urinal?"

The belt is there as reinforcement to assist the trouser waistband in holding back a waistline that points in the direction of Type2 diabetes (You know your problem, you keep it all in). With a full bladder being compressed in there along with other stuff unless the waistband is released there is no way the amber nectar can find its way out. The pressure releases is often accompanied with an huge sigh or even a groan.

It's Friday o'clock, try not to be to obvious with your observations in the local pub.

That or unless rapid location of Mr(insert pet name here) is achieved then a thorough internal trouser soaking is in order and everyone on the tube thinks you're yet another pisshead.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Trousers of time

"Here’s another inexplicable conundrum: why do grown men these days feel the need to unbuckle their belts and lower their trousers while standing at a urinal?"

In the case of jeans, I blame poorly made button flies for this phenomenon.

I have a pair (a generous Christmas gift from my wife) that is now permanently consigned to being worn around my home as at the slightest sniff of alcohol, I can't get the feckin' buttons undone and being caught with my belt undone is more appealing than being found unconscious on the floor of the urinal after banging my head hard enough on the urinal to knock myself out and peeing myself in the process.

Anonymous as I have both a tiny appendage and an inability to handle my drink. The perfect storm....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Trousers of time

Sometimes, it is necessary to unleash The Beast!

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Re: Tousers of time

I belive the problem is that modern jeans have a fly (buttons or zips) which is much shorter than when I was a lad. Or maybe bits just hang lower as you get older. Either way the problem is getting the todger over the top of the lowest part of the opening requires dropping the trowsers a bit. Given the fad of so many youth wearing their jeans pre-lowered, I supect the problem is of the first mentioned rather than second.

Personally I have resolved the problem by wearing braces which allows me to drop the keks slightly without fear of them dropping to the floor.

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Re: Tousers of time

@JassMan: You are the winner here, except that you overlooked the problem of getting your hand in far enough *under* the waistband. The fly on modern jeans is shorter mostly because the waistband is closer to the crotch (rather than because the bottom of the fly is higher up, although it might be). Because there is less space between the button at the top and the stitching at the bottom, you have less room (indeed, in some cases blatantly not enough) to get your hand in to hunt the trouser snake, so you have to undo the button and so it goes.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Tousers of time

I think it's the equivalent of the MkII Escort with the go-faster racing stripe or mag alloy wheels for those past a certain age; a gesture intended to suggest that the beast under the bonnet is not defined by the clapped out bodywork. Clearly, it's important for most of us to have some notion of where we sit in the 'titanic trouser snake' stakes, but modern attitudes or no, staring too hard or directly isn't cricket, so the best we can manage is a peripheral glance. So there's an opportunity for the status conscious 30+ blagger to move a few rungs up the pecking order with a bit of visual deception.

Swagger up to the urinal with your shoulders set wide to enhance the physical prowess you are rapidly shedding and stand with feet well apart to emphasise the great weight you are carrying. When positioned, open the belt and flies as ostentatiously as possible with elbows out, both to further enhance your stature and to make sure no one can get a good look. Then makes as big a deal as possible of extracting mans best friend from the Calvin Klein's, deftly using your hands (spread and well forward) to both mask the mutton monster and simultaneously suggesting you are handling something massive that only a real man can control. At this point it's vital to vent your bladder as loudly and vigourously as possible, as the merest hint of bladder shyness is going to suggest you have something (or rather very little ) to hide. Shake once firmly in a way that suggests whiplash could be an issue, then repack similarly expansively, ensuring that your extra large pocket hanky is correctly positioned for maximum impact on departure.

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Anonymous Coward

Lastpass for me

Free.

Remembers passwords.

Generates passwords.

Integrates perfectly with IE and Chrome

Even available for Windows Phone 7.5

Happy user of 2+ years.

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Re: Lastpass for me

Yes fine until LastPass [or insert other program name] expires for whatever reason and you no longer have access to you list of passwords

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Re: Lastpass for me

My brain currently fills all those functions.

Barring accident, injury or alcohol, it seems to work quite well.

Oh! And it's free!

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Re: Lastpass for me

Exported to a backup file put on memory stick.

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Meh

Re: Lastpass for me

Missed one:

Is of no bloody use whatsoever for that corporate login password to gain access to the machine in the first place, which is the one that must be at least n characters long, contain some esoteric combination of characters, be changed regularly and where each one must not be like the previous umpty-something used.

Or, in other words, the only one that I'm really likely to forget.

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Re: Lastpass for me

Or rather, the one you're more likely to write on a Post-It and stick to the underside of the keyboard

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Yag

Re: Lastpass for me

I can't even figure the point of having long-secure-with-freaking-special-characters-and-extra-onions-and-number-on-top as everyone and its mother use the facepalming "password recording" option in navigators and OSes.

Recording password is as stupid as the Ident-I-Eze card...

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Re: Lastpass for me

Keynote NT for me: Free tree-style note taker; stores everything in one file that can be encrypted. So you only need to remember the password to open the program and you can have a different and fiendishly complicated password for every service. Remembering shit is the computer's job. And as the file is encrypted, it's safe to sync to Dropbox or wherever, so losing your hard disk is recoverable from.

As a bonus you can have alarms on notes, so it reminds you of stuff too.

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WTF?

Cor blimey!

"why do grown men these days feel the need to unbuckle their belts and lower their trousers while standing at a urinal?"

Do they? I have never seen this happen.

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Re: Cor blimey!

@Captain Hogwash: "Do they? I have never seen this happen."

You obviously don't go to the right sort of club...

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Re: Cor blimey!

I've never seen that, but I have seen...

Going into the stall (so no one can see it?) and pissing all over the seat.

Texting while pissing one handed.

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Coat

Re: Cor blimey!

> Texting while pissing one handed.

And "accidentally" nudging them as you turn away from the urinal usually results in cries of "Oh shit! My phone!!"

A quick exit is usually recommended at this point.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Cor blimey!

Are they really texting though? Or are they possibly using the camera? ew!

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Pint

Re: Cor blimey!

> Texting while pissing one handed.

Wouldn't a bigger risk while texting be the distraction leading to the old "unzip fly, take out tie, piss in pants" event? Maybe that's why people dress down on Pubday?

As for button flies, I can get them open fast enough for urgent relief, but find it very hard^H^H^H^Hdifficult when I try to get the last button done up again, without loosening the belt.

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WTF?

Re: Cor blimey! @Captain Hogwash

I just saw someone do exactly this in a public restroom. Seems to be something of an older guy thing though...

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Unhappy

Damn

I looked up the "Blasphemous Password Generator" as was disappointed to find it didn't generate phrases to offend vicars, mullahs and rabbis.

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Anonymous Coward

Alister, B4c0n4nd3gg! isn't working! For the briefest of moments I thought I might finally realise my dream of having an article published on El Reg, albeit under another's name. C'est la vie.

Not sure about all these lame excuses for the trousers down thing. Even with slurred speech, even when I'm vomitingly drunk I can still manage even a button fly so that doesn't wash and surely pressure on the bladder would make it come out quicker?

No I think the tiny penis answer is correct.

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Pants: too much information

"why do grown men these days feel the need to unbuckle their belts and lower their trousers while standing at a urinal?"

Most of the time I wear sober pants with button flies, but for Christmas I was given two pairs of Calvin Kleins. It seems Calvin hasn't learned how to do flies yet, so the only way out is to haul the waistband down at the front. The elastic is very strong, presumably to withstand repeated haulings down. If it slips from your grasp and twangs back in mid-pee, the result is both painful and messy.

I suppose I could overcome this problem by unbuckling and lowering, but I'd have to lower the pants, too. I flatter myself that this might attract the sort of offer I'd prefer to refuse.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: If it slips from your grasp and twangs back in mid-pee

Please tell me this has actually happened! :)

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Re: Pants: too much information

>> If it slips from your grasp and twangs back in mid-pee, the result is both painful and messy.

Some people would pay big money to have this done to them.

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Go

Absolutely classic :-)

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Flame

Its

not the password entry the bothers me when it comes to gaining access to a website/my linux box/the robot setup parameters

Its those bloody capatas things... type in the leters you see in the box.... because you know what it looks like to

you will never in a million tries be what it actually says, then they includes capital letters that look like lower case, and numbers.. then 2 words to make things twice as hard until you finall scream in frustration and go down the road to a proper shop instead on the online version because its quicker and easier.

Then you do a search for capatas solvers and find out there are automated tools you can download that solves them instantly(and converts your machine into a spam bot/ddos bot as a bonus)

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Great article

And the irony is I stumbled twice to type my password before I could comment.

For some reason I also want to kick Justin Bieber in her none existent nuts.

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unbuckle belt and lower trousers at urinal?

You need to stop going to gay bars.

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Re: unbuckle belt and lower trousers at urinal?

>> need to stop going to gay bars

Start a nuclear war?

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WTF?

Re: unbuckle belt and lower trousers at urinal?

I only noticed the practice in Singapore where it seems to be a particularly Chinese activity...

(WTF - because that's what I thought at the time)

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An utter waste

Reading this article was a huge waste of time. I'll know to skip Mr. Dabbs in future.

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