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back to article North Korean citizens told: Socialist haircuts are a thing... go get some

The North Korean government has issued haircut guidance for its citizens and chosen 28 hairstyles it deems "appropriate" for members of the single-party state. According to the WantChina Times, photos of the 28 haircuts recommended by the totalitarian regime (pictured below) have been issued to salons around the country. The …

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Linux

I wish!

As a member of the follically challenged fraternity, any of the styles would be to die for, thank you.

Penguins 'cost they don't need no steenkin' haircuts.

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Re: I wish!

'cost = 'cos

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Re: I wish!

Quite - what happens if you are bald? :)

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Re: I wish!

Follicular re-education camp.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I wish!

"Quite - what happens if you are bald? :)"

Unless you particularly enjoy being publicly ridiculed, you're probably rather less likely to be visiting a "hair saloon" any time soon, given the lack of hair, which is presumably somewhat of a prerequisite for such an establishment, and therefore unlikely to face this particular issue.

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Big Brother

Re: I wish!

Consider yourself blessed, my smooth-noggined comrade. Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages. Not at all like them fluffy-haired quasi-male-oriented fakers.

The mops on those so-called socialist, OTOH, look decidedly conservative to me, in a Hilary Clinton sort of a way. Although, arguably, Hilary Clinton is also a testosterone-fuelled manly man with a manly shaped appendage, so maybe it's a wig.

I mean just look at Ms. Big Hair at No6! That has to be the most conservative hairdo I ever saw. And Mr. Top Centre looks like a Faux News anchor, for Goat's sake. Heck, they all look like they're lined up for inspection at a Tea Party rally (lapsang souchong, naturally).

This won't do at all.

Everyone knows that socialists have greasy, perfectly straight, long hair all the way down to their arse. This was enacted into law in the 1970s, and ratified by 57 countries under the International Treaty of Socialist Haircuts (although North Korea abstained on the grounds that they weren't invited to the signing ceremony).

Pfft.

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Joke

Re: I wish!

Due to the lack of food, once you no longer have enough hair to conform to the mandated hair styles, you will be taken out, shot, and fed to the pigs - if there are any left.

"Joke Alert" cos some people have too many German genes.

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Coat

Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

"... Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages..."

---according to a rumour (unverified) spread by baldies.

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Coat

Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

Grass does not grow on a busy street, nor hair on a smart man's head.

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Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

nor moss on a rolling stone

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Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

Grass does not grow on a busy street, nor hair on a smart man's head.

Alternatively, you don't thatch an empty barn!

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Happy

Re: I wish! (Homer 1 - 14:07)

"... Baldies are manly men with testosterone fuelled, manly shaped appendages..."

'tis true. Men lose their hair root by root.

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Happy

Who said the 1979 Autumn/Winter version of the Freeman's catalogue wasn't still setting the trends! Just look at those mugshots!

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Joke

That bloke, top right...

Looks like he's plotting something really nasty...

Like a paisley shirt.

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Big Brother

Kim Jong Un doesn't appear to sport one of the mandated haircuts. Socialism appears to only be for the masses in NK.

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Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death. I hate this kind of BS, I can understand them feeling the need for security and even leaving aside any disputes over the validity of communism, haircuts should not be something their government is wasting time on. When you can feed your people, maybe then you can consider mandating haircuts, but to be fair there's still a hell of a lot of things higher up the list.

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Thumb Up

Apparently it's based on the cut his grandfather (Kim Il-Sung) had, so it's presumably reserved exclusively for the family of the Great/Dear/Whatever Leader.

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*Peoples Democratic Republic

That sounds like the most open government type possible, Surely a simple national vote will allow the people to change what haircuts make it to the top 10, like an "x-factor" for hair, if you will. They could use their smartphones or vote via their interactive plasma TV's. I suspect that we have only heard what the Daily Mail wants us to hear! All this Nuclear talk is a smokescreen to prevent Simon Cowell from going to NK and taking over.

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Go

"haircuts should not be something their government is wasting time on."

Quite. Don't they have an all-pervasive celebrity and consumerism-obsessed mass-media whose job it is to tell them what haircuts to have and what to wear, instead?

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Big Brother

All haircuts are equal, but some haircuts are more equal than others

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Alert

exactly...

Extremism is always for the masses, never for the elites administering it for the good of the great unwashed...

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@Rampant Spaniel

"Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death."

That can be said about most governments. Why are governments talking about stricter copyright enforcement or (anti-) terror laws, when there are slightly larger problems of education and, in the case of some countries, most of the populous starving to death.

Governments very seldom actually solve problems. That's because if you are rational you will agree with most of your peers and never stand out rising to power, and most government positions are filled with people who don't have problems.

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Big Brother

Now we know what hair styles Winston and Julia would most probably have

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Flame

"Exactly, and why is the leadership focusing on haircuts and nuclear weapons when there is a slightly larger problem of most of the populous starving to death. "

Its all about control. If you tell people how to live their lives right down to the smallest detail it crushes their self esteem and will and they become little more than robots with whom you can do what you like. This is the reality of the socialist dream - in theory a system of equality , in reality a system to turn individuals into nothing more than lobotomised identikit "workers" who worship Orwells Big Brother. Or else.

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Stop

"This is the reality of the socialist dream - in theory a system of equality , in reality a system to turn individuals into nothing more than lobotomised identikit "workers" who worship Orwells Big Brother. Or else."

No it's not.

North Korea is not Socialist in any meaningful way.

I know it's fashionable over the other side of the pond to label any unpleasant totalitarian government as 'Socialist' and use it interchangeably with the words 'Communist' and 'scum', but that's not what Socialism actually is.

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Re: exactly...

"great unwashed"?

I'll have you know they all have lovely clean, shiny hair.

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@psyx

"North Korea is not Socialist in any meaningful way."

What , just like Cuba isn't? Or venezuala? Or a dozen other left wing governments who's views are nothing more than a front to control people? Socialism is all about control whether its the intolerance of liberal left in the UK to any dissent against their absurd views or a dictatorship in the 3rd world. "We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties.

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Trollface

Not socialist..

Yes but...you have to agree in the UK the average Labour voter is a communist bastard in disguise.

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FAIL

Re: @psyx

"Socialism is all about control whether its the intolerance of liberal left in the UK to any dissent against their absurd views or a dictatorship in the 3rd world. "We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

Bwahahaha.

See: You're just using the words 'Liberal' and 'Socialist' to label anything that you don't politically agree with, in the same way that many people on the other side of the fence use 'Fascist' to describe Conservative and Right-leaning politics that *they* don't agree with. It's just a stupid piece of propaganda and thought control that's ultimately divisive.

""We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people.

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Mushroom

Re: Not socialist..

@andy mcandy "...the average Labour voter is a communist bastard"

I find this statement deeply offensive, insulting, inaccurate and a gross generalisation.

My parents were married when I was born.

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Re: @psyx

"""We defend the right to hold any viewpoint - so long as we agree with it." should be the motto of all lefties."

"Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people."

When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking? Happens all the bloody time with the left - as soon as there's something or someone they don't like its get out the placards time and lets cause trouble, democracy be damned. Yet they'll quite happily suck up to some terrorism supporting mullah paying a visit simply because of the my enemy is your enemy rule. Anything to stick it to the man. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe them.

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Pint

True, but I am afraid some 1bn people here in the west focused on De Niro's haircut not so long ago.

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Re: @boltar

"When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?"

That's a good point. Right wing pressure groups are generally no bother at all. Like those lovely gentlemen from the EDL, just protesting all peaceful like.

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Pint

Re: @psyx (13:18)

"I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people."

Of course we wouldn't - they don't have any to take. We'd take it from the middle/upper middle classes.

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Re: @psyx (13:18)

"Of course we wouldn't - they don't have any to take. We'd take it from the middle/upper middle classes."

Ah yes, those phantom 'middle classes' that the government cons people into believing that they're part of.

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Boffin

Re: @psyx

"When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to..."

There's plenty of right-wing groups making unsavoury protests and supporting unsavoury characters.

However, it's an inherent truth that right-wing pressure groups generally try to enforce their whim more by less publicly visible means, such as lobbying and throwing large amounts of money at the problem. Frankly, as much as I get annoyed by protesters wandering the streets, I'd rather policy be influenced by such means than I would see it sorted out by a brown-paper envelope and a handshake in a back room.

"its get out the placards time and lets cause trouble, democracy be damned."

Umm... protest and the right to gather is a cornerstone of democracy. It doesn't matter what your politics are, if you are pro-democratic, you should be supporting their right to whine.

"Yet they'll quite happily suck up to some terrorism supporting mullah paying a visit simply because of the my enemy is your enemy rule. Anything to stick it to the man. Pathetic doesn't even begin to describe them."

Bollocks. Again. Why the hell are you assuming that everyone who doesn't politically agrees with you supports terrorists. That's just idiotic. I don't agree with your politics, but I'll draw short of saying that you support violent right-wing extremists.

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A socialist dream?

> If you tell people how to live their lives right down to the smallest detail it crushes their self esteem and will >and they become little more than robots with whom you can do what you like.

Definitely a socialist idea - now just wait while I cut the end of my dick off, never cut my hair, don't eat shellfish, don't carry keys on saturday, hate gays, not use condoms .....

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Re: @psyx

>When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?

No they are too busy obtaining ANFO to blow up an abortion clinic to deal with lefty things like peaceful protest. Also in general they don't believe in public secular universities (too full of brainwashing lefties profs) so the whole idea of anybody being able to speak they don't approve before hand goes against their nature. And if they really wanted to muzzle someone even at a public uni they would just have the Koch brothers talk to the regents and get the talk suddenly cancelled.

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FAIL

"This is the reality of the socialist dream"

This is the what Americans think is the reality of the socialist dream

There. Fixed it for you.

The damn pinko commie/socialist propaganda in America.. Most Americans wouldn't recognise a true socialist or have a clue what socialism stands for. And the irony is that most Americans that fall into this bracket are the ones that benefit most from some of the American "socialist" laws,,,,,, Medicare, state aid etc,

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Pint

Helpful advice...

The political 'spectrum' is actually closed-in on itself; it's a circle.

The extreme left and the extreme right are perfectly indistinguishable. They're the same exact thing, dangerous lunatics.

The real battle is directly across the circle, moderates versus nut job extremists of any stripe.

This Political Spectrum Is A Damn Circle concept is extremely useful. It explains a lot and helps greatly on many ethics and morals questions.

I hope this helps.

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Facepalm

@boltar

"When was the last time your saw a right wing pressure group trying to prevent a guest speaker at a university from speaking?"

Leon, Guanajuato, Mexico, Tec de Monterrey Campus León circa 2001? 2002? A teacher brought over a guest speaker explaining how the Guadalupe Virgin was actually made up by the Catholic Church using an Aztec goddess as a base model. Most of the people left the auditorium and the ultrarightist religious nutjob organizations *demanded* an apology from said teacher for daring to bring such blasphemous people to talk. And that's just the one case I know about; I'm pretty sure there are a lot of those cases in that particular Mexican state.

Extremes are extremes. They happen on both sides.

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Joke

Re: @psyx

Bollocks. I might as well argue that anyone Rightist stamps around in jackboots, taking money from poor people.

They're called Traffic Wardens!

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Facepalm

Socialist??? An enlightened social democracy would be a beautiful thing in any country. These "rulers" aren't socialists they're fascists. Frighteningly, Canada and many other countries are heading down that same road. Right now it's at a kinder, gentler pace but the harper regime is doing everything it can to quicken the pace and speed us into a totalitarian police state.

It does make me wonder who our politicians are actually working for.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: @psyx

boltar, are just trolling?

There is a generally a huge difference between the right wing speakers who get protested and the left wing speakers who don't. Show me the left wing speakers who could be accused of hate speech.

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"I know my place".

Don't evade the issue, you know you can always get a bit from even the poorest if you shake them hard enough.

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Re: Not socialist..

Yep that's exactly what I think when I look at Tony Blair or Peter Mandleson - there goes a secret Maoist

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Anonymous Coward

As opposed to the more expensive Capitalist Haircuts...

... in Greece, Italy, Spain .... etc

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Anonymous Coward

Re: As opposed to the more expensive Capitalist Haircuts...

Would that be like the one Apple stock just had?

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Devil

Brazilians?

I wonder if the glorious socialist North Korean government has issued pictorial guidelines on decadent capitalist Brazilians. We should be told (and should see the pix, too).

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Paris Hilton

Re: Brazilians?

Not forgetting the glitzy denizens of Hollywood.

(and, if memory serves correctly, you shoulda used the Paris icon...)

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