back to article Illicit phone rings in Sri Lankan inmate's back crack

A Sri Lankan lag at Colombo's Welikada jail was relieved of his illicit mobe after it inconveniently rang during a cell search, alerting officers that he'd concealed it where the sun don't shine. Artist's impression of Nokia 8850 stuck up Taiwanese woman's back passage An official at the Colombo hospital where the phone was …

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Re: Give us the hole story!

He was doing a little web browsing with it, and got to the part where he need to enter colon in the URL...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Give us the hole story!

"[...]he need to enter colon in the URL..."

There's your problem - colon in the URL, not URL in the colon!

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Bit dim.

Did he forget to turn it off first?

I'm surprised it could get signal. Watery flesh usually blocks those wavelengths fairly well.

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I suppose

Leaving it on vibrate would have been uncomfortable?

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Re: I suppose

Or more.... entertaining.... if he was into that sort of thing...

(On my way already!)

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Coat

Re: Bit dim.

"I'm surprised it could get signal. Watery flesh usually blocks those wavelengths fairly well."

Well, that rules out an iPhone then...

You're concealing it wrong...

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Re: Bit dim.

Well obviously it was an SMS.

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Nope...

It was the call of nature.

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Facepalm

Re: Bit dim.

The prisoner was heard to say "Sri Lankan prison? What the hell? I told Apple Maps to bring me to a Starbucks in London!"

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Re: Bit dim.

It must have turned on inside him. I can't believe anyone could be so stupid to leave a phone on when you put it up your bum.

Also I wonder if he had the charger up there. On the X-ray it looks like just the phone and some headphones, so surely you'd conserve the power while smuggling it in.

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Joke

"I can't believe anyone could be so stupid to leave a phone on when you put it up your bum."

Whereas turning a phone *off* before sticking it up your bum would be an eminently intelligent thing to do?!

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Facepalm

charging

two questions.

1. do they also have to 'pack' a charger ?

2. assumption. no sockets in rooms. so how do they charge it once inside the prison

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Re: charging

I would assume it's a long-life phone like a Nokia 2100. I would also assume the guy only switches it on when he wants to make a call. It could easily last for a week or two like this, by which time a buddy could smuggle in another one.

Or, if you're in a South African prison, the cost of charging a phone is one pack of cigarettes to your favourite guard.

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Re: charging

I've been thinking about four or five galvanised steel buckets, filled with urine, with copper foil suspended in them, connected in series as a battery. Would this work? Have I thought of the correct materials?

Note: This is a serious engineering problem, so no sniggering and no off-colour jokes please.

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Re: charging

IIRC the correct term for something inserted there for safekeeping is actually known as a charger.

Or was in Papillon ... a long time ago.

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Unhappy

Hope it wasn't....

A Nexus 4. I have one, and it has...girth.

Or worse, a Galaxy Note II.

*goes off to break out the mind bleach and cerebral scrubbers*

Steven "I made myself feel ill" Raith.

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Headmaster

Re: Hope it wasn't....

Pedant alert: The orginal galaxy note would have been more impressive, as it is wider than the Note II. And I imagine width would be the limiting factor here.

I'll have the mind bleach when you're finished with it, please.

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Windows

Re: Hope it wasn't....

This is old news they used to do this with Anal ogue handsets!!!! There is also the old ForeSIM trick as well.

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Anonymous Coward

Eww!

One would expect hiding a phone to be relatively painless after a few years behind bars, thanks to the um, "problems" ..

As any really devious prisoner knows, the best way to "hide" a mobile is to use one of those prepaid 3G sticks and power it and the uC Morse code based SMS TX and RX using a battery made from citrus, used tea bags, etc and metal foil sheets "liberated" from the rubbish bin.

Failing that, an even simpler method pioneered by a certain guy in the UK is to make a "lemon" optical transmitter that sends flashes of (presumably infrared) light Morse to a remote receiver.

Source:- The Anarchist Cookbook, 2009 :-)

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In BootNotes

So would that make it a Booty Call ?

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Re: In BootNotes

Not sure ,butt I bet he had shhittty reception.

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Stop

No

I said never call me here!

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TRT
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Re: No

He'd barred his cell mate anyway.

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Re: No

or maybe even:

I told you, never call me at the orifice!

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Angel

I hope he has...

a bluetooth headset, i for one would not want it near my ear or mouth.... :D

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The make and model of phone in the Sri Lankan rectomobe case is unknown

It's clearly a Nokia 6310i. Good call!

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Re: The make and model of phone in the Sri Lankan rectomobe case is unknown

Daily Mail has a copy of the X-ray:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2276008/Thats-bum-timing-Sri-Lankan-inmate-caught-hiding-phone-rectum-guards-hear-ringing-searching-cell.html

Rather strangely, it looks like there's a pair of earphones in there too (perhaps he wanders around "hands-free" with that stored in its little pocket...)

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Rob
Coat

Re: The make and model of phone in the Sri Lankan rectomobe case is unknown

Hardly, the phone is up his rectum, the call quality will be anything but good.

;-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The make and model of phone in the Sri Lankan rectomobe case is unknown

Evidently, it will be sh*t..

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Stop

@FanMan

Most definitely not a 6310i.

The original article mentions an 8850.

Looks a bit pointy edged to me. Ouch!

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IT Angle

Thought exercise for the day

Well, if one was going to go into prison and needed to conceal a mobile phone, which would be best suited to the task? Things to consider:

* Size

* Battery life

* Rounded corners

* Ease of cleaning

I'd probably go with either one of the early Series 60 Nokias. Other strong candidates for rectal phonage include the Sony Ericsson T68i (just make sure the camera and MP3 accesories aren't attached!) or possibly the Sendo X.

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Boffin

Re: Thought exercise for the day

Wasn't there a Nokia "lipstick phone" from about 10 years ago? smallest one I can think of...

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Trollface

Family heirloom

Five long years he wore this phone up his ass. Then, he died of dysentery. He give me the phone. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of plastic up my ass two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. Now, little man, I give the phone to you.

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Sim Valley...

...RX-80 Pico phone.

That'd probably fit, at a push.

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Any Clues

as to the ringtone? I would hazzard a guess that it wasnt "Please Release Me" or "Hey fatty bum bum"...ok Im going.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Any Clues

"Ring of fire"

"Knockin' at your back door"

Beethoven's 5th movement

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Re: Any Clues

"Down under"?

"Don't push it, don't force it"?

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Trollface

Re: Any Clues

"I like big butts and I cannot lie"

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Re: Any Clues

Excellent reggae tune there... ...perhaps "Wet dream" by Max Romeo ("lie down girl let me push it up, push it up, push it up, lie down..). He might attract a lot of business that way.

OTOH, maybe "La Cucaracha".

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Joke

Re: Any Clues

Search for the (HTC) Hero inside yourself

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Anonymous Coward

Colombo Hospital ??

Surely it was the Cobumbo Hospital?

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Anonymous Coward

Let me guess...

.. it was a RIM.

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Handsfree

His mates always said he talked out of his arse (ass for our foreign readers).

I was trying to think of ways to charge it - then the rapidly moving a coil of wire back and forth sprang to mind.

Or is that how to produce a salty electrolyte?

Is this in anyway linked to Capn' Cyborg?

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Going for a Richard III

So that scar they identified on Richard III's pelvic bone.... dagger or Motorola DynaTAC? - where safer to keep it on the battlefield?

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Coat

I find it difficult to believe....

....that you managed to write that without once suggesting that the ringtone sounded a bum note.

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Happy

I found this...

... and found it relevant to the discussion. :-)

On a side note: I'm amazed nobody in this thread has asked yet about the IT angle. Are killjoys on strike or something?

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IT Angle

Re: I found this...

Well the angle of the IT is going to be rather vertical. As to the IT's orientation, I'm not sure.

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Zot
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"You're holding it wrong"

Oh come on, someone had to quote Antennagate somewhere.

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Holmes

I'm guessing he couldn't be arsed to turn it off!!

<see title>

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