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back to article First Google wants to know all about you, now it wants a RING on your finger

Top Google bods are mulling over using cryptographic finger-ring gadgets and other ways for users to securely log into websites and other services. The ad giant's security veep Eric Grosse and engineer Mayank Upadhyay have submitted the paper Authentication at Scale to the IEEE Security & Privacy Magazine; their central argument …

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I must be missing something

Won't there be a rash of people having their fingers chopped off and their magic rings stolen?

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Anonymous Coward

You have got to be kidding

Big sovereign rings are for Chavs, Google rings would really single you out as a nerd and a plonker, flash it in a bar 'hi babe I'm connected' will probably single you out as the guy to avoid. You will never have sex and you will be alone for the rest of your life.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got to be kidding

I'd wear one if they modified the ring to go with my piercings, I want one for my nipple and one for my ;-)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got to be kidding

Yeah, it will probably look more like a cock ring.

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Angel

Re: You have got to be kidding

"it will probably look more like a cock ring."

Please thrust your groin against the keyboard to continue...

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Re: You have got to be kidding

Doesn't have to be a ring... this person has a chip implanted (but then so does my dog) to give him quick instant access top a child-proof gun safe:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxNjqN4Gdc0

Bit too far for my taste. It could easily be retrofitted to a wristwatch (or its strap) though. Yeah, I know that American commentards don't think that anyone wears a watch these days, but many of us in the rest of the world do.

With a ring, the logical conclusion is that any device you pick up temporarily becomes 'yours'. Pick up any phone, and it will be your contacts and emails displayed.

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Unhappy

Re: You have got to be kidding

yeah, that's not going to make a lot of difference to me then.

.

.

.

.

I'm soooooo lonely

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got to be kidding

"Google rings would really single you out as a nerd and a plonker, flash it in a bar 'hi babe I'm connected' will probably single you out as the guy to avoid. You will never have sex and you will be alone for the rest of your life."

Bitter much?

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Windows

Re: You have got to be kidding

Big sovereign rings are for Chavs, Google rings would really single you out as a nerd and a plonker, flash it in a bar 'hi babe I'm connected' will probably single you out as the guy to avoid. You will never have sex and you will be alone for the rest of your life.

Nerds will suss out that this is cobblers. It's your company BMW, bluetooth headset rep plonkers that'll lap this up.

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Re: I must be missing something

Why would there be a rash of people cutting fingers off? If a large number of criminals currently exist who are happy to cut someone's finger off to get into their eMail, they can already do it using current technology by the following steps:

1) Get hold of person you want to read email of

2) Make it clear you'll cut their fingers off if they don't hand over the password (cut off one as a demonstration).

Substitute finger removal for personal choice of permanent maiming according to preference.

Given that this does not seem to happen a lot, why would it suddenly start happening?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got to be kidding

"With a ring, the logical conclusion is that any device you pick up temporarily becomes 'yours'. Pick up any phone, and it will be your contacts and emails displayed."

And the downside being that someone near you could gain access without the ring being removed from you. Sit a transceiver* under the victims desk to relay ring information and you can do it very remotely.

Will there be a master-key ring owned by Google? The one ring to rule them all...

*what ever the communication method used, eg near field, it could be relayed by radio or across the internet to a more convenient location.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: You have got to be kidding

"Yeah, it will probably look more like a cock ring."

I think you've just given its wearers the perfect nickname, " Oh look he's one of those 'Google ring-cocks'! ".

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Re: You have got to be kidding

"You will never have sex and you will be alone for the rest of your life."

And you'll never get an STD

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Facepalm

USB authenticator cards...

...just the thing for using with your smartphone...

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Re: USB authenticator cards...

mini - usb adapter for smartphones .. unless you have that old boxy iphone that refuses standard connectors

btw .. the usb is for a new computer being used .. your phone is already authenticated if you gave the number to Google ..

I've never given my mobile number to Google and have no problem logging in to gmail or my webmaster account from different computers or my Galaxy SIII .. can Google ID the number of Android phones ?

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Thumb Up

Re: USB authenticator cards...

NFC: http://www.yubico.com/products/yubikey-hardware/yubikey-neo/

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Facepalm

Re: Yubikey

oh fine then .... NearFieldComms ... excellent ... no need for dongle in smartphones ...

however ... iphone doesn't do NFC either ... come on Apple ...

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Bronze badge

We've been here before.....

1998 called, they want their Java ring back.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: We've been here before.....

Quite a lot of those Google engineers came from Sun so this shouldn't be a surprise.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: We've been here before.....

Which is why they spend their days messing around with dull clunky shit that nobody cares about.

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Alert

Re: We've been here before.....

The 1930's called, they want their Secret Decoder Ring back...!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_decoder_ring

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Joke

So, in every Cracker Jack box

you get a secret decoder ring, absolutely free! :-)

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Re: So, in every Cracker Jack box

That's an excellent way to distribute them....but I really don't need that many.

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Happy

Re: So, in every Cracker Jack box

CRACKERJACK!

oh, sorry, wrong one

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Coat

Re: So, in every Cracker Jack box

Well of course. It's not Friday and it's not 5 o' clock...

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Anonymous Coward

Re: So, in every Cracker Jack box

5 o'clock??? you tuned in 5 minutes late!

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Firesign Theater was way ahead of their time (was:Re: So, in every Cracker Jack box)

Rocky: Good afternoon, Mister .. Danger. I'm Rocky .. Rococo.

Nick: Thanks half-pint. You just saved me a lot of investigative work.

Rocky: Maybe yes, maybe no ... Do you know what (rustle of brown paper bag) this is?

Nick(thinking): I had to think for a minute. What cool game was he playing?

Nick(speaking): Uh, that's a brown paper bag.

Rocky: That's correct, now look inside, Mr. Danger. (paper rustle) What do you see?

Nick: That's easy. That's a pickle.

Rocky: Very good. Now, I think you're ready for… this!

Nick: Why, that's nothing but a two-bit ring from a Cracker Back Jox.

Rocky: I'll sell it to you for five thousand dollars.

Nick: Huh? What kind of chump do you take me for?

Rocky: First class!

---time passes---

Back to today ... Google is attempting to be Rocky. Selling cracker-back-jox rings.

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and counting

Will there be one really special one that controls all the others?

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No Lord of the Rings jokes yet?

See title

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Re: No Lord of the Rings jokes yet?

Well...

You can only dispose of old ones by chucking them down a volcano. It's in the EULA.

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Anonymous Coward

Steps..

So how long before we all get a tag IN our ring!?

Humans like sitting down, the connected chair cometh I reckon.

Ive is at it right now.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Steps..

"Humans like sitting down, the connected chair cometh I reckon.

Ive is at it right now."

It'll be a pile 'o shite then.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Steps..

'So how long before we all get a tag IN our ring!?"

Ooooh, ouch!

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Joke

Good news, bad news.

Good news: I have a ring to provide two-factor authentication.

Bad news: It's not on one of my fingers.

I keep getting called into HR when I log in every morning - something about workplace violations....

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Devil

Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

(16) It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, (17) so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name

So much for e-commerce then. If I believed in a literal interpretation of Revelation I'd be feeling very very uncomfortable. More so, later, when someone suggests implanting it in the hand rather than wearing it on the finger. Fortunately I don't. At least not yet.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Aye

The ring could be used in conjunction with the bar code on your forehead. The first recipients of the bar code and the Ring of Google can be the jobless. The rest will follow.

(urgently ducks and makes for the nearest cover)

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WTF?

Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

"(16) It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, (17) so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name"

I've often wondered if shrooms grow in the Middle East.

I think they probably do.

But let Google into my personal business. F**k off.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

Whereas I do.

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@John Smith 19 (was: Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?)

"I've often wondered if shrooms grow in the Middle East."

I'm sure they do, but syphilis does, too. Read the original Koine Greek version of Revelation, and it's painfully obvious that it's the rantings of a brain damaged by syphilis describing what's going on in the narrow view of the street out side the cell of (probably) John the Baptist, when imprisoned on Patmos.

Thank gawd/ess for antibiotics, no?

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@AC 00:26 (was: Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?_

You do ... uh ... what, AC? Without further context, all I can guess is that you let google into your personal business. May I ask why? Seems foolhardy, to me..

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Thumb Up

Re: @John Smith 19 (was: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?)

"Read the original Koine Greek version of Revelation, and it's painfully obvious that it's the rantings of a brain damaged by syphilis "

I think I'll have to take your word on that one.

Mind you a dose of incurable syphilis has inspired many a piece of religious and philosophical thought.

Nietzsche is the obvious one but I'm sure there are a few more.

I'd also bet a few of the parables of various holy books could also sound like the come down from an almighty bender. Who hasn't "talked to god on the white telephone" on occasion?

"Thank gawd/ess for antibiotics, no?"

True but in these dangerous times I never go in without a raincoat on.

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Pint

Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

They had just finished the final proof so they all got off their heads on the Friday night. Next morning John is the only one left and he gets a call from the publisher saying they need a closer for the book. Still off his face on shooms, he finishes the book off for a laugh. There's a work experience person in the office early on the Monday morning who doesn't bother reading John's demented rantings and sends it to the printers proof unread!

Shame they forgot to print the final page in the bible, the one that reads "All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental."

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Windows

Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

I don't have any faith in literal translations of that source document but...

The way society is presently organised if you don't have money in the hand you certainly have it on the brain.

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Boffin

Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?

I've often wondered if shrooms grow in the Middle East.

They certainly grow on Patmos, which is where St John the Divine drooled his frothing prophecies to a series of scribes.

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Pint

Damn, damn, damn, damn. (was: Re: Rev 13:16-17 a bit closer?)

John the Apostle, not John the Baptist.

That'll teach me to post without proofreading and comprehending my own typo(e)ing.

Mea culpa. This round's on me :-)

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Anonymous Coward

Just like dongles a hardware device just cuts out the casual criminals.

Ever piece of hardware or technology has a flaw, look at those RSA fobs that were all the rage, someone found a flaw in those.

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Anonymous Coward

Microsoft Passport Mk2. Nobody will go for it, a single point of failure isn't good. It's why those "login with Facebook" things are never used for shopping sites.

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FAIL

I hate all this OTP authentication stuff. I'm trying to avoid it on my banking account (Sort Code: 10 20 30, Acc: 12345678) - I don't want to have to locate a ring/card/calculator before logging in. And it means I'm buggered if I go away and leave it at home.

Internet based banking should give the benefit that it doesn't matter where you are. *grumble*

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Devil

This magical ring will work on my Android tablet too ? oh no, Google designed it without a USB port

All operating systems that run a browser ? yeah, heard that tripe before too.

Oh no, my phone doesn't have a USB port / Oh No, my phone isn't running windows NT V8

Get real guys...

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Joke

Sort Code: 10 20 30, Acc: 12345678

I hope that was yours, or thanks to me some smuck's now got a direct debit set up for kinkylesbianstreamingvideos.com set up.

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