back to article Razzies set to torpedo pop minx Rihanna's Battleship

This year's Razzies look set to be a head-to-head between Battleship and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 to see which movie can walk away with the most gongs for serious celluloid undertainment. Rihanna in Battleship Rihanna: Good Girl Gone Bad, Bad Actress The annual celebration of the cinematically dire sees seven …

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Anonymous Coward

Spoiled for choice

'Twas a fine year for crap.

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Happy

I do not want to sound like

self-righteous old movie nerd with no sense of proportions or humour, but Resident Evil franchise is sort of world on its own, and given the limits of this world, Milla Jovovich is perfect.

And all if or buts aside, David Hasselhoff in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of LOVELY!

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Happy

Re: I do not want to sound like

I think you mean Kelly Brook in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of Lovely! :)

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Anonymous Coward

Re: I do not want to sound like

RE-Retribution was the first time I felt as though I was watching a movie of a game. Seriously contrived environments (nazi zombies) were mostly to blame for that.

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Devil

Re: I do not want to sound like

Quote:"I think you mean Kelly Brook in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of Lovely! :)"

That depends on your orientation and gender. You or me may be more interested in the beautiful cough... cough... "eyes" of Miss Brook. Other people may have other ... cough... cough... interests...

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Bronze badge

Re: I do not want to sound like

Is Kelly Brook in this film? I thought she got eaten by a shark in the first one.

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Re: I do not want to sound like

"RE-Retribution was the first time I felt as though I was watching a movie of a game. Seriously contrived environments (nazi zombies) were mostly to blame for that."

They were Soviet Zombies in RE weren't they?

Nazi zombies appeared in 'Iron sky' and it's rip-off 'Nazi's at the centre of the earth'

Both were better than the recent Resident Evil film(s)

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Re: I do not want to sound like

Retribution was rubbish - and I like more other films in the franchise. I didn't think Milla was especially bad in it, though. The plot was so poor and the characterisation so thin that the actors had no chance.

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Coat

Re: I do not want to sound like

"Is Kelly Brook in this film? I thought she got eaten by a shark in the first one."

Maybe she got better. Wounds heal 4 days sooner with Neosporin, you know.....

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Paris Hilton

Pattison...

Worst ever. Seen him (NOT)acting in "Bon Ami". Pathetison...

Paris - because her appearance was much better in that (not so) pr0n movie. :)

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Childcatcher

Re: Pattison...

The 'acting' of some in those movies reminded me of young Anakin Skywalker - what's his name? Hayden Christensen...

Granted, the story he had to convey was set on rails (you know what he turns out to be like in earlier / older movies ...) so there was not a lot of 'artistic freedom' in there for him.

Still... Wooden, cardboard cut-out-like, are words that apply to both of them (and other 'actors' in both franchises...)

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Devil

Battleship?

I could not agree more, although visually entertaining, I do agree it was a crock of shyte

As for including Rihanna is the cast, I guess that was nothing more than a ploy to attract a younger audience to a crap movie.

As for the other choices, they're all valid and yes, 2012 was a year of production line crap that some term as "entertainment"

Let's see what this year holds...

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Pint

Re: Battleship?

I could not agree with a post more. The seen towards the end when they fire up the battleship Missouri and the veterans help them..... god help us

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Headmaster

The SCENE towards the end....

Sigh.

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Happy

Re: Battleship?

Now you've told me that, I've gone from indifferent to actually wanting to watch it

Thanks!

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Devil

Re: Battleship?

Battleship has a seriously funny first 5 minutes (robbery scene) and from there nosedives so deep into the unwatchable that viewers risk nosebleed. That's possible even worse than being consistently crap from teh very beginning. I was prepared forer crap but teh first scene raised my hopes cruelly

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Re: Battleship?

There should be a new category just for Battleship.... Worst Alien Weaponry

They were the pegs from the board game.

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Re: The SCENE towards the end....

you mean you cant do a handbrake turn in a battleship?

sooooo disappointed

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Coat

Re: The SCENE towards the end....

But he did see it, though.

Anyways - steven seagal - under siege. Of course, a more terrestrial threat - but if i remember correctly, veterans helped to take the ship back :-)

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Re: The SCENE towards the end....

you mean helped load a gun, and load it properly - none of this FIRE! then a few seconds later another full load goes off.

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Coat

Re: Battleship?

Which I thought amounted to one fucking long animated commercial for some Japanese toy that just happened to include some human characters.

Good thing someone else paid for the ticket.

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Coat

Battleship?

I really enjoyed it!

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Meh

Re: Battleship?

Game or film, there is only 1 correct answer.....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Battleship?

B6

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Bronze badge

Re: Battleship?

Hit

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Windows

Re: Battleship?

You sank my battleship...

No, sorry, not battleship, career.......

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Battleship?

...Awww.... You sunk my Battleship.

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Thumb Up

Re: Battleship?

Should get an Oscar as It was well entertaining. A beeelion times better than that tripe avatar....

Yes it was totally unbelievable, but hey, its a bleedin fantasy/sci-fi movie.. get over it!

Myself and my son came out of the cinema well happy, and that is a rarity these days.

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Too cool

I'm sure there's a lot of rubbish in here, but does anyone else think this is the film equivalent of TopGear's "Cool Wall" - the uncool end?

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Gotta admit

Battleship was pretty shite and had me wondering how I could ever get my couple of hours back that I wasted watching it then I watched Django Unchained and all was forgiven,totally restoring my faith in Hollywood.

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Thumb Down

Watched Battleship on long haul flight

Upon reflection, I much preferred the endless drone of the aircraft engines, the airline food and the mindless boredom.

Agreed, the scene where the old tub is fired up and sent out to battle was a head-desk (or head-tray) moment.

Who knew they kept live munitions on a museum ship?

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Facepalm

Re: Watched Battleship on long haul flight

Yeah, I watched it on a flight as well, knowing that it was likely crap, but no real downside, right? There was a bit of perverse curiosity about how they'd turn a game like Battleship into a movie. Besides, I was in the Navy and figured I could even turn the sound off and just watch the navalpr0n.

I tried, I really did, but the stupid-per-minute rate was just too high. I think I made it through a quarter of it before I had to turn it off. Several months later, the nightmares have mostly subsided, and my friends tell me my IQ seems to have climbed back to its pre-Battleship level lately.

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Facepalm

Worst movie?

I've managed to avoid most of the crap this year, but I did pick up Terminator Salvation to watch one cold winters night. I turned it off the moment a 100 foot robot managed to sneak up on them in the middle of the desert.

Didn't even know there was an Atlas Shrugged part 1, must be a sleeper hit.

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Gold badge

Re: Worst movie?

I got quite a few downvotes on here a while back for defending Terminator 3, and saying it wasn't too bad. Well at least it wasn't as rubbish as T4, which was truly shit. I felt a bit aggrieved, I wasn't saying it was great or anything.

Well I watched it again a couple of weeks ago. I'd like to apologise to those people who felt the need to downvote me, for the pain and emotional distress someone describing T3 so obviously caused them. Not good at all. Although still not quite as shit as T4, which I really, really hated. Isn't it nice when Hollywood pisses all over your memories...

One day they'll try and remake Edge of Darkness, and I'll be forced to build myself an underground lair, and dedicate my life to learning to make a nuclear weapon. Then I'll destroy Hollywood on Oscar night, as punishment. Someone told me that they already did, but no-one would cast Mel Gibson and Ray Winstone in those roles. So they must have been lying to me. LA LA LA LA LA LA! Not listening! LA LA LA!

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Re: Worst movie?

>Sleeper hit

As in # of people falling asleep while watching this movie?

I guess you're right. It was a hit.

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Battleshit

Independance-Day-on-Sea. Largely drivel. Save yourself 100mins of your life.

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Happy

Re: Battleshit

"Independance-Day-on-Sea"

That's a bit mild from what I've heard of it.

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Trollface

Re: Battleshit

"Independance-Day-on-Sea"?

Is that near Warminster-on-sea?

Don't tell 'em Pike. Don't Panic! etc.. Reckon Corporal Jones would have made mincemeat out of the aliens in Battleship. They don't like it up 'em you know.

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erm... might be the only one, but.

I liked battleship.

Sorry but I did, it was a no brainer entertainment of cheese. It shows Hollywood really is scraping the barrel for ideas, but I liked it. And not because Rihanna is in it.

I do get the impression Kristen stewart can't act, two films for worst actress?

Twilight should win all of the awards, just because it is utter shite.

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WTF?

Re: erm... might be the only one, but.

Plus the sound mix is awesome - the shredder scene is my new favourite demo sequence for the surround set up. Just make sure the neighbours are out.

Also, wtf, people know Rihanna is in it, and they expect 2001 A Space Odyssey?? It's a cartoon movie with live acting FFS.

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Anonymous Coward

battleship

It could of been reasonable instead of the sillyness it was.

May I refer you to the TV Tropes page.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/Battleship

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Thumb Up

I was an early supporter of Battleship for razzies but it could be close.

Glad to know the early buzz (that it was s**t) has been amply fulfilled.

But I'd reckoned without the legendary Adam Sandler's ability (to produce s**t).

I figured after he'd dropped the great steaming brown one that was "Jack & Jill" he might take a break for a while (in shame?). Somehow I'd completely blocked any thought of "That's My Boy" from my mind.

How does he do it?

Chooses all his own scripts and has head lodged firmly in the rectal cavity?

Phenomenally bad agent?

Studio puts him in anything they want and he never complains?

For some reason I tend to compare him Ben Stiller. On that basis he does not come off well.

Thumbs up to all the cast and crew of Battleship for making so much worse than it needed to be.

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Oh, Battleship

Aliens have hugely advanced technology - travel between stars faster than light etc. But cannot avoid hitting a passing satellite when landing on a planet.

Their ships can neither swim nor fly - they jump!

Their targeting systems are so sophisticated that they remotely detect and can selectively target the enemy's weapons, leaving everything else untouched. Shame about the guns - which are unguided poor quality mortars and do not require a targeting system at all. You just point them in the target's general direction at point blank range and fire so many shots that some of them will inevitably hit. Great.

Aliens are bad - roaring and screaming at peaceful American destroyers which just came to look at them. So the destroyers just open up with everything they've got - as they do. They are US Navy after all. Where you can apparently enroll in to avoid serving time for burglary and they give you an officer's commission in less than a year!

Or are they really bad? Their fearsome kill-bots refuse to grind civilians into pulp and target only military installations and strategic infrastructure. When they see the awesome US Naval ships they don't fire even a warning shot - just make a really loud noise to warn them off.

But, when the alien engineer refuses to kill Rihanna, even though she emptied her magazine into him, what does he get in return? A 4.5 inch shell in the head. From none other than the grateful Rihanna.

Then, of course, you have the alien shore party. They kill a scientist's assistant but let the scientist go. Then they kill a couple of hapless rangers. Then they let the same scientist to pick up a large piece of electronic equipment and again let him go. I'm confused. They almost beginning to look like American troops in Airaq...

But yes. The surprise of the century - that floating museum in Hawaii, USS Missouri? Just celebrated its 5 millionth visitor? They kept LIVE SHELLS and PROPELLANT on it ALL THE TIME! And the boilers and turbines - you thought they were ruined because of the cut-aways and no maitenance? WRONG! And it was kept fully bunkered with OIL! That must have been illegal, surely, no?

And ULTRA HIGH TENSILE STRENGTH METAMATERIAL ANCHOR CHAIN that can SWING A WHOLE BATTLESHIP going full speed WITHOUT BREAKING! I want some answers from NASA on why they keep saying that space elevator cannot yet be built - that chain was clearly strong enough for that.

Anyway, I was really sad when the Aliens were defeated in the end - they looked like the good guys throughout the film.

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Pint

Re: Oh, Battleship

Seriously, you paid far too much attention to that film. Besides that, all points are valid. Have a beer and try to forget.

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Pint

Re: Oh, Battleship

I will. Cheers!

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Alien

Re: Oh, Battleship

upvote, purely due to the IQ loss you must have endured watching the crap.

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WTF?

Surprised Prometheus.....

...didnt scrape in there for a nomination.

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Alien

Re: Surprised Prometheus.....

There's bottom of the barrel and then there's UNDER the barrel...

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Meh

Re: Surprised Prometheus.....

"...didnt scrape in there for a nomination."

It probably had far too high expectations on it.

But the effects were good, the plot did not always go in the direction you expected (a plus, but there are some major plot holes, given how long its been chewed on) and Nooni Rapace (barely used) remains my favorite short angry ginger women actress.

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